Another option is to turn her loose on a Laser some afternoon when the
wind is not too light or too strong. She'll learn... it will be the
only way to make it back to the beach and/or dock! Motivation is key!

Fresh Breezes- Doug King

Good post Doug !!!!! Has lots of merit.

My wife rapidly learned when I encouraged she go out on a small one
design all by herself (my complicated racing scow with 33 control
lines !!!!) ... and when the 'questions' from her started in earnest I
knew that she was 'sold' on sailing.
She now can helm our boats in any big-boat race and with precision
that would match the best of well experienced helmsmen.
We leave on a 2-3 year 'journey' on our boat this fall .... primarily
her idea !!!!!

Just remember if YOUR sailing skills arent (honestly) that good there
will be many unnecessary 'conflicts' --- get her into lessons or get
her off by herself in a small sailing dinghy ..... if you want a
'partner'. Motivate, communicate, appreciate ...... otherwise you
simply wont have a boat very long ... or wont have that wife very
long.
;-)

RichH wrote:
My wife rapidly learned when I encouraged she go out on a small one
design all by herself (my complicated racing scow with 33 control
lines !!!!) ... and when the 'questions' from her started in earnest I
knew that she was 'sold' on sailing.

My wife & I raced a Lightning together for years, and her skills &
confidence grew tremendously... one of the difficulties we had was the
she was often solicited to crew for other teams! She occasionally
skippered the boat in races but the main lesson gained from this was
1- she *can* do it but 2- she's not as good as I and would rather
place well (while insisting she's 'not competitive by nature')

I have felt very comfortable with my wife skippering cruising boats.

She now can helm our boats in any big-boat race and with precision
that would match the best of well experienced helmsmen.
We leave on a 2-3 year 'journey' on our boat this fall .... primarily
her idea !!!!!


Excellent work! I am looking forward to seeing posts of your cruising
adventures.

Just remember if YOUR sailing skills arent (honestly) that good there
will be many unnecessary 'conflicts' --- get her into lessons or get
her off by herself in a small sailing dinghy ..... if you want a
'partner'. Motivate, communicate, appreciate ...... otherwise you
simply wont have a boat very long ... or wont have that wife very
long.
;-)

It looks like they've muddled along OK for quite some time, but with
large amounts of friction. Getting rid of the friction is a worthy
goal. I wish I had some sure & simple way of achieving it. A mother/
daughter sailing weekend sounds like it could be a good idea... maybe
on a chartered boat

Fresh Breezes- Doug King

On Feb 12, 6:00 pm, Gogarty wrote:
Back when we were growing up in Marblehead, Mass., and sailing at young
ages, we thought the worst thing that could happen to a man would be to
marry a woman who did not like sailing. Theh we discovered sex. But now
after many years we have all gone back to the original opinion.

A little background:

Married 28 yrs, 3 kids, 21, 17 and 11. Been sailing for 20 yrs. She
is the touchy-feely type with degrees in education and counseling and
I am the analytic type MS Physics and MSEE so you can imagine how well
this works. She likes to sail for the aesthetics whereas I like to
sail for the problem solving aspects. She clearly cannot concentrate
on steering and will never understand how the sails work. She claims
that having something on shore to use as a mark helps her but I have
not noticed this and often we are simply too far out so it is either
steer by the compass or by feel of the tiller or watch the sails and
she can do none of these because she is tuned in to watching the
people aboard as you would expect. Unfortunately, she wants to steer
and always wants me to explain how to do things I have taught her
dozens of times in the past (knots, using the VHF, using the compass,
etc.). I lost patience with teaching her a long time ago.
My 21 yr old daughter is a biology major so is technical enough to
understand things and even my 11 yr old daughter grasps things so fast
it amazes me. Saturday she casually remarked we would need a course of
310 (our reciprocal) to get back to our channel.. I can count on them
when I need them whereas I cannot count on my wife to do what needs to
be done in a hurry. If I tell my 11 yr old daughter to hold the boat
into the wind while I drop the main she does it whereas my wife is
unable to do so. I don't know why.
Weirdly, my son is just like my wife and is incapable of doing even
the most basic things (would impale himself on a screwdriver) although
he is always Mr Popularity and he is an alien to me.
I do most of my sailing alone but I see other families sailing and
really want this to work for us. Unfortunately, I cannot count on my
wife and am actually much safer sailing alone or with the kids and
myself. Sailing with her is like sailing single handed but with one
arm tied behind me. I have tried getting her to sail small boats by
herself but she doesn't like them (surely a sign of something).
So, how do other sailors deal with sailing with an inept spouse when
it is clear that NOTHING will help the situation? Is this simply a
case of "Some people don't belong on boats"?

wrote:
On Feb 12, 6:00 pm, Gogarty wrote:
Back when we were growing up in Marblehead, Mass., and sailing at young
ages, we thought the worst thing that could happen to a man would be to
marry a woman who did not like sailing. Theh we discovered sex. But now
after many years we have all gone back to the original opinion.

A little background:

Married 28 yrs, 3 kids, 21, 17 and 11. Been sailing for 20 yrs. She
is the touchy-feely type with degrees in education and counseling and
I am the analytic type MS Physics and MSEE so you can imagine how well
this works. She likes to sail for the aesthetics whereas I like to
sail for the problem solving aspects. She clearly cannot concentrate
on steering and will never understand how the sails work. She claims
that having something on shore to use as a mark helps her but I have
not noticed this and often we are simply too far out so it is either
steer by the compass or by feel of the tiller or watch the sails and
she can do none of these because she is tuned in to watching the
people aboard as you would expect. Unfortunately, she wants to steer
and always wants me to explain how to do things I have taught her
dozens of times in the past (knots, using the VHF, using the compass,
etc.). I lost patience with teaching her a long time ago.
My 21 yr old daughter is a biology major so is technical enough to
understand things and even my 11 yr old daughter grasps things so fast
it amazes me. Saturday she casually remarked we would need a course of
310 (our reciprocal) to get back to our channel.. I can count on them
when I need them whereas I cannot count on my wife to do what needs to
be done in a hurry. If I tell my 11 yr old daughter to hold the boat
into the wind while I drop the main she does it whereas my wife is
unable to do so. I don't know why.
Weirdly, my son is just like my wife and is incapable of doing even
the most basic things (would impale himself on a screwdriver) although
he is always Mr Popularity and he is an alien to me.
I do most of my sailing alone but I see other families sailing and
really want this to work for us. Unfortunately, I cannot count on my
wife and am actually much safer sailing alone or with the kids and
myself. Sailing with her is like sailing single handed but with one
arm tied behind me. I have tried getting her to sail small boats by
herself but she doesn't like them (surely a sign of something).
So, how do other sailors deal with sailing with an inept spouse when
it is clear that NOTHING will help the situation? Is this simply a
case of "Some people don't belong on boats"?


If she understood how she is putting others at risk (can you two
communicat?) and if she had other things to do (like socialize) why
would she insist upon taking the helm? Is she still putting everyone at
risk just sitting their enjoying the aesthetics? Why does she have to be
banned from the boat entirely?

Stephen

On Feb 12, 8:29 pm, Stephen Trapani wrote:
wrote:
On Feb 12, 6:00 pm, Gogarty wrote:
Back when we were growing up in Marblehead, Mass., and sailing at young
ages, we thought the worst thing that could happen to a man would be to
marry a woman who did not like sailing. Theh we discovered sex. But now
after many years we have all gone back to the original opinion.

A little background:

Married 28 yrs, 3 kids, 21, 17 and 11. Been sailing for 20 yrs. She
is the touchy-feely type with degrees in education and counseling and
I am the analytic type MS Physics and MSEE so you can imagine how well
this works. She likes to sail for the aesthetics whereas I like to
sail for the problem solving aspects. She clearly cannot concentrate
on steering and will never understand how the sails work. She claims
that having something on shore to use as a mark helps her but I have
not noticed this and often we are simply too far out so it is either
steer by the compass or by feel of the tiller or watch the sails and
she can do none of these because she is tuned in to watching the
people aboard as you would expect. Unfortunately, she wants to steer
and always wants me to explain how to do things I have taught her
dozens of times in the past (knots, using the VHF, using the compass,
etc.). I lost patience with teaching her a long time ago.
My 21 yr old daughter is a biology major so is technical enough to
understand things and even my 11 yr old daughter grasps things so fast
it amazes me. Saturday she casually remarked we would need a course of
310 (our reciprocal) to get back to our channel.. I can count on them
when I need them whereas I cannot count on my wife to do what needs to
be done in a hurry. If I tell my 11 yr old daughter to hold the boat
into the wind while I drop the main she does it whereas my wife is
unable to do so. I don't know why.
Weirdly, my son is just like my wife and is incapable of doing even
the most basic things (would impale himself on a screwdriver) although
he is always Mr Popularity and he is an alien to me.
I do most of my sailing alone but I see other families sailing and
really want this to work for us. Unfortunately, I cannot count on my
wife and am actually much safer sailing alone or with the kids and
myself. Sailing with her is like sailing single handed but with one
arm tied behind me. I have tried getting her to sail small boats by
herself but she doesn't like them (surely a sign of something).
So, how do other sailors deal with sailing with an inept spouse when
it is clear that NOTHING will help the situation? Is this simply a
case of "Some people don't belong on boats"?

If she understood how she is putting others at risk (can you two
communicat?) and if she had other things to do (like socialize) why
would she insist upon taking the helm? Is she still putting everyone at
risk just sitting their enjoying the aesthetics? Why does she have to be
banned from the boat entirely?

Stephen

OTOH, she has her good qualities. On Saturday, she looked at the
tattered 20 yr old Bimini and said "You really ought to buy a new
one". How can you be too angry with a wife who APPROVES of you
spending money on the boat? OTOH, she then said "Then we could have
more friends sail with us because it would be more comfortable".
That's all I need, more people aboard to interfere with sailing and to
distract her when she insists on steering.

wrote:

On Feb 12, 8:29 pm, Stephen Trapani wrote:

wrote:

On Feb 12, 6:00 pm, Gogarty wrote:

Back when we were growing up in Marblehead, Mass., and sailing at young
ages, we thought the worst thing that could happen to a man would be to
marry a woman who did not like sailing. Theh we discovered sex. But now
after many years we have all gone back to the original opinion.

A little background:

Married 28 yrs, 3 kids, 21, 17 and 11. Been sailing for 20 yrs. She
is the touchy-feely type with degrees in education and counseling and
I am the analytic type MS Physics and MSEE so you can imagine how well
this works. She likes to sail for the aesthetics whereas I like to
sail for the problem solving aspects. She clearly cannot concentrate
on steering and will never understand how the sails work. She claims
that having something on shore to use as a mark helps her but I have
not noticed this and often we are simply too far out so it is either
steer by the compass or by feel of the tiller or watch the sails and
she can do none of these because she is tuned in to watching the
people aboard as you would expect. Unfortunately, she wants to steer
and always wants me to explain how to do things I have taught her
dozens of times in the past (knots, using the VHF, using the compass,
etc.). I lost patience with teaching her a long time ago.
My 21 yr old daughter is a biology major so is technical enough to
understand things and even my 11 yr old daughter grasps things so fast
it amazes me. Saturday she casually remarked we would need a course of
310 (our reciprocal) to get back to our channel.. I can count on them
when I need them whereas I cannot count on my wife to do what needs to
be done in a hurry. If I tell my 11 yr old daughter to hold the boat
into the wind while I drop the main she does it whereas my wife is
unable to do so. I don't know why.
Weirdly, my son is just like my wife and is incapable of doing even
the most basic things (would impale himself on a screwdriver) although
he is always Mr Popularity and he is an alien to me.
I do most of my sailing alone but I see other families sailing and
really want this to work for us. Unfortunately, I cannot count on my
wife and am actually much safer sailing alone or with the kids and
myself. Sailing with her is like sailing single handed but with one
arm tied behind me. I have tried getting her to sail small boats by
herself but she doesn't like them (surely a sign of something).
So, how do other sailors deal with sailing with an inept spouse when
it is clear that NOTHING will help the situation? Is this simply a
case of "Some people don't belong on boats"?

If she understood how she is putting others at risk (can you two
communicat?) and if she had other things to do (like socialize) why
would she insist upon taking the helm? Is she still putting everyone at
risk just sitting their enjoying the aesthetics? Why does she have to be
banned from the boat entirely?

Stephen


OTOH, she has her good qualities. On Saturday, she looked at the
tattered 20 yr old Bimini and said "You really ought to buy a new
one". How can you be too angry with a wife who APPROVES of you
spending money on the boat? OTOH, she then said "Then we could have
more friends sail with us because it would be more comfortable".
That's all I need, more people aboard to interfere with sailing and to
distract her when she insists on steering.

I have a similar problem just canoeing with the GF. Finally solved by
telling her to "just sit there and look cute; *I'll* handle the boat".

DT

On 2008-02-12 19:29:20 -0500, said:

I lost patience with teaching her a long time ago.

I suspect this history is part of the problem....

My 21 yr old daughter is a biology major so is technical enough to
understand things

Here's a thought: Why not work up a mother-daughters sail/weekend? Just
Mom and the 21 year-old might be right, too, as for some reason I'm
thinking that the numbers of social interactions might be contributing,
and your daughter(s) may figure out better ways to get things across.

If you're needed to get in and out of the port, why not drag a MiniCup
along and you take off to someplace in it while they figure out the
ropes alone? Maybe put the 11 year-old in the other for the trip so she
can sharpen her skills. Or put Mom and the youngest in the big boat:
That might sharpen Mom's focus.

All these can be presented to Mom as "bonding", not instruction,
perhaps. I'd ask the kids which tack to take, though.

We all learn differently. I gave up teaching my wife navigation and
don't understand her reasoning when I ask, but she's sorta figured it
out on her own by studying the spare chart as we go along without any
input from me.

--
Jere Lull
Tanzer 28 #4 out of Tolchester, MD
Xan's pages: http://web.mac.com/jerelull/iWeb/Xan/
Our BVI trips & tips: http://homepage.mac.com/jerelull/BVI/

On 2008-02-12 19:29:20 -0500, said:

Weirdly, my son is just like my wife and is incapable of doing even the
most basic things (would impale himself on a screwdriver) although he
is always Mr Popularity and he is an alien to me.

Side issue: How's he doing? I've been wondering since we're hearing
about the girls for the first time and not him.

--
Jere Lull
Tanzer 28 #4 out of Tolchester, MD
Xan's pages: http://web.mac.com/jerelull/iWeb/Xan/
Our BVI trips & tips: http://homepage.mac.com/jerelull/BVI/

On Feb 12, 10:54 pm, Jere Lull wrote:
On 2008-02-12 19:29:20 -0500, said:

Weirdly, my son is just like my wife and is incapable of doing even the
most basic things (would impale himself on a screwdriver) although he
is always Mr Popularity and he is an alien to me.

Side issue: How's he doing? I've been wondering since we're hearing
about the girls for the first time and not him.

--
Jere Lull
Tanzer 28 #4 out of Tolchester, MD
Xan's pages:http://web.mac.com/jerelull/iWeb/Xan/
Our BVI trips & tips:http://homepage.mac.com/jerelull/BVI/

My son has sorta straightened out as he has gotten older, still not a
great student but he does have a job so I cant complain too much.
After our dad-son forced cruise a couple years ago after he got caught
with pot, he decided he didnt want to spend any more family time on
the boat. So, he works and hangs out with friends, fortunately a gf
had good effect on him. You know how those teen years are, hates
spending time with family. He used to love the MiniCups but now only
uses em if he can take a friend along. I sure wish I could figger a
way to connect with him but we seem to inhabit different universes.
It is really strange understanding my daughters but not my son.
I have decided my wife isnt really interested in sailing because she
wont take the Minicups out. She is really more interested in the
social aspect of sailing and the image of sailing.