A nice day, 12 kts and maybe in the 50s. Sailing with wife, 21 yr old
daughter, 11 yr old daughter and another 11 yr old friend. Everybody
takes turns at the tiller. Unfortunately, my wife is simply unable to
steer. EVERYBODY else quickly grasps the idea of feeling the pressure
on the tiller and steering accordingly. She is unable to do so.
Within a minute of closing my eyes and leaning back against the cabin,
I hear the sails flogging and THE DAMNED BOAT IS TACKING. She is
looking puzzled pushing the tiller every which way. I put her back on
course and fortunately my daughter wants to steer. Later, going
downwind, my wife wants to steer again so I tell her, "Keep it on 330
degrees, I'm going below to make a PB sandwich". The two little girls
are blocking the companionway ladder so I ask my little daughter to
make me a sandwich. My wife begins to nag them to get out of the way
so I can do it and I say they can do it and she insists that the kids
clear the ladder and this goes on and on and on and on and.....Suddenly,
the damned boom crashes across. WE'VE FU*&%$G JIBBED! She is so busy
doing what she shouldn't be doing that she allows the boat to jibe
nearly knocking me into the water.
I have had it, she is a menace to everybody around her on the boat.
So, I want to discourage her from ever going sailing again before she
kills someone. Yes, I have tried everything I can think of but she is
simply incapable of steering. Unfortunately, she forgets almost
everything she learns from one sailing trip to another. I have lost
track of the number of times I have taught her how to tie various
knots. I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that she simply
should not be on a boat. Oddly, my daughters seem to do very well.
Yes, I am responsible for what happens on my boat and part of that
responsibility is keeping the inept from hurting others.

wrote in message
...
A nice day, 12 kts and maybe in the 50s. Sailing with wife, 21 yr old
daughter, 11 yr old daughter and another 11 yr old friend. Everybody
takes turns at the tiller. Unfortunately, my wife is simply unable to
steer. EVERYBODY else quickly grasps the idea of feeling the pressure
on the tiller and steering accordingly. She is unable to do so.
Within a minute of closing my eyes and leaning back against the cabin,
I hear the sails flogging and THE DAMNED BOAT IS TACKING. She is
looking puzzled pushing the tiller every which way. I put her back on
course and fortunately my daughter wants to steer. Later, going
downwind, my wife wants to steer again so I tell her, "Keep it on 330
degrees, I'm going below to make a PB sandwich". The two little girls
are blocking the companionway ladder so I ask my little daughter to
make me a sandwich. My wife begins to nag them to get out of the way
so I can do it and I say they can do it and she insists that the kids
clear the ladder and this goes on and on and on and on and.....Suddenly,
the damned boom crashes across. WE'VE FU*&%$G JIBBED! She is so busy
doing what she shouldn't be doing that she allows the boat to jibe
nearly knocking me into the water.
I have had it, she is a menace to everybody around her on the boat.
So, I want to discourage her from ever going sailing again before she
kills someone. Yes, I have tried everything I can think of but she is
simply incapable of steering. Unfortunately, she forgets almost
everything she learns from one sailing trip to another. I have lost
track of the number of times I have taught her how to tie various
knots. I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that she simply
should not be on a boat. Oddly, my daughters seem to do very well.
Yes, I am responsible for what happens on my boat and part of that
responsibility is keeping the inept from hurting others.


Try paying for some lessons for her. It'll make a world of difference. Don't
try and teach her yourself. You're too involved emotionally.


--
"j" ganz @@
www.sailnow.com

Try paying for some lessons for her. It'll make a world of difference.

Without you being present. Get her to bring another girlfriend along. Let
them learn at their own pace from someone that's being paid to do it.

Don't try and teach her yourself. You're too involved emotionally.

Words like "control freak" and "divorce" seem applicable here.

Just how much good is it going to do for your relationship with your wife to
get so utterly freaked out about it? If she's not grasping it, well, what's
that saying? Is it saying she's dumb as a stone? I'm not guessing
discussing it that way is going to lead in productive directions. Or is it
that she just hates your attitude and is deliberately doing a bad job of it?
My guess is somewhere in between the two.

But hey, you picked her, so you're going to have to take a new tack at
dealing with her sailing skills... or suffer the consequences.

On Feb 10, 10:46 pm, "Bill Kearney" wrote:
Try paying for some lessons for her. It'll make a world of difference.

Without you being present. Get her to bring another girlfriend along. Let
them learn at their own pace from someone that's being paid to do it.

Don't try and teach her yourself. You're too involved emotionally.

Words like "control freak" and "divorce" seem applicable here.

Just how much good is it going to do for your relationship with your wife to
get so utterly freaked out about it? If she's not grasping it, well, what's
that saying? Is it saying she's dumb as a stone? I'm not guessing
discussing it that way is going to lead in productive directions. Or is it
that she just hates your attitude and is deliberately doing a bad job of it?
My guess is somewhere in between the two.

But hey, you picked her, so you're going to have to take a new tack at
dealing with her sailing skills... or suffer the consequences.

She has numerous good qualities but unfortunately sailing ability isnt
one of em. I strongly suspect she just does not "connect" to it right
because she wants to use the time to socialize and talk to the kids
and do all the stuff she would be doing if she wasnt steering. I also
think that learning the numerous other things like knots simply is not
important to her although she says it is. I believe it would be best
if she simply came along for the ride and did not try to do anything
at all.
Oddly, she isnt a bad driver in a car but the two do not seem to cross
over for her. She has had sailing lessons from someone else but it
just didnt "take". She is the control freak in our relationship so
she insists on being able to steer in spite of not being able to do it
at all.
Later, after the jibe, she insisted on staying at the helm and she
wanted to get back before dark and wanted me to start the engine
because we were doing only 3.5 kts by the GPS. I replied that I had
been doing 5.5 a few minutes before and the problem would be apparent
if she looked at our wake. The wake was an incredible zigzag so the
boat could build no momentum and even the engine wouldnt help if she
was steered so erratically. A few minutes later she went below
because it got cold leaving me to steer. Soon, we were back up to
nearly 6 kts. Of course, it was pretty cold at home last night
too.........

Bill's spot on.

Some suggestions:
get her out from BEHIND the steering wheel. Show her how to sit on the
SIDE so she (any maybe yourself) can clearly SEE the foresail ....
maybe even putting on a sequential ROW of 'steering telltales' on the
jib/genoa. The 'steering tales' are a long row of 6" long telltales
that start at the luff and run back for about 6-8ft. from the luff and
about 8 ft. above the deck - then she can SEE when the sail is
stalling or is developing a separation bubble. Then, she will SEE the
relationship between the sail's angle of attack and the angle of the
helm.

If you want your wife to better like sailing .... get some of her
sailing girlfriends to take her out on your boat - YOU stay on the
shore !!!!

Don't try and teach her yourself. You're too involved emotionally.

Well, several issues here, not just emotional involvement. It's been
well demonstrated in *many* fields that rather few husbands can make a
success of teaching his wife a complex task.


"Bill Kearney" wrote:
Words like "control freak" and "divorce" seem applicable here.


Maybe. No point in being judgemental.... though I take your point to
be that the OP should back off.


Just how much good is it going to do for your relationship with your wife to
get so utterly freaked out about it? If she's not grasping it, well, what's
that saying? Is it saying she's dumb as a stone? I'm not guessing
discussing it that way is going to lead in productive directions. Or is it
that she just hates your attitude and is deliberately doing a bad job of it?
My guess is somewhere in between the two.


Actually, the latter is very common for both husbands & wives. The
spouse really really wants to do something, and one or the other
insists it be a "couples" activity, and the one who did not bring them
into the situation sabotages it... often subconsciously. Happens in
everything from shopping for houses to raising kids, and of course
sailing/cruising.


But hey, you picked her, so you're going to have to take a new tack at
dealing with her sailing skills... or suffer the consequences.

groan

wrote:
She has numerous good qualities but unfortunately sailing ability isnt
one of em.

Well, my advice is focus on the positive.

Oddly, she isnt a bad driver in a car but the two do not seem to cross
over for her.

Why would it? Driving a car is *nothing* like sailing. In fact, making
the connection rather raises my suspicion of your own sailing skills.


.... She is the control freak in our relationship so
she insists on being able to steer in spite of not being able to do it
at all.

Here's the problem- she thinks she's doing fine. The first and
foremost task for *any* teacher is to convince the student that he has
something to learn. Until you get over this bump, the rest will
assuredly not follow. The problem here is to convince her that she is
not a good helmsperson without seeming like a tyrannical jerk.

This has been easy for me, since most of my teaching of sailing was
done either in conjunction or in close proximity to one-design racing.
When another boat is passing you, it is absolutely, unarguably, &
quantifiably being steered better..


Later, after the jibe, she insisted on staying at the helm and she
wanted to get back before dark and wanted me to start the engine
because we were doing only 3.5 kts by the GPS. I replied that I had
been doing 5.5 a few minutes before and the problem would be apparent
if she looked at our wake. The wake was an incredible zigzag so the
boat could build no momentum and even the engine wouldnt help if she
was steered so erratically.

Just get the kids to yell "Snake Wake! Snake Wake" when they see her
zig-zagging.

Actually the best technique I know of to teach a person to steer by
reflex is to give them quick & certain feedback. With a tiller boat,
you can tap their hand on the back, towards the side they need to move
the tiller. With a wheel, tap one of the spokes toward where they
should turn. Or some similar system of quick & clear feedback, such
that the student can keep looking at where the boat is going and not
at the instructor or at the helm itself.

Another option is to turn her loose on a Laser some afternoon when the
wind is not too light or too strong. She'll learn... it will be the
only way to make it back to the beach and/or dock! Motivation is key!

Fresh Breezes- Doug King

wrote in message
...
Don't try and teach her yourself. You're too involved emotionally.

Well, several issues here, not just emotional involvement. It's been
well demonstrated in *many* fields that rather few husbands can make a
success of teaching his wife a complex task.


It is a complex task, but in my view it's a complex task based on the
emotional content of the relationship. A spouse tends to think that the
other person can read his/her thoughts or something along those lines.

--
"j" ganz @@
www.sailnow.com

Another option is to turn her loose on a Laser some afternoon when the
wind is not too light or too strong. She'll learn... it will be the
only way to make it back to the beach and/or dock! Motivation is key!

Fresh Breezes- Doug King

Good post Doug !!!!! Has lots of merit.

My wife rapidly learned when I encouraged she go out on a small one
design all by herself (my complicated racing scow with 33 control
lines !!!!) ... and when the 'questions' from her started in earnest I
knew that she was 'sold' on sailing.
She now can helm our boats in any big-boat race and with precision
that would match the best of well experienced helmsmen.
We leave on a 2-3 year 'journey' on our boat this fall .... primarily
her idea !!!!!

Just remember if YOUR sailing skills arent (honestly) that good there
will be many unnecessary 'conflicts' --- get her into lessons or get
her off by herself in a small sailing dinghy ..... if you want a
'partner'. Motivate, communicate, appreciate ...... otherwise you
simply wont have a boat very long ... or wont have that wife very
long.
;-)

On Tue, 12 Feb 2008 10:11:23 -0800 (PST), wrote:

ell, several issues here, not just emotional involvement. It's been
well demonstrated in *many* fields that rather few husbands can make a
success of teaching his wife a complex task.

When did helmsman get to be so complex?

Casady

"Bill Kearney" wrote in
news
so you're going to have to take a new tack at
dealing with her sailing skills..

PUN! Pun Police, Pun Police!!.....(c;