Banning my wife from the boat
 

A nice day, 12 kts and maybe in the 50s. Sailing with wife, 21 yr old
daughter, 11 yr old daughter and another 11 yr old friend. Everybody
takes turns at the tiller. Unfortunately, my wife is simply unable to
steer. EVERYBODY else quickly grasps the idea of feeling the pressure
on the tiller and steering accordingly. She is unable to do so.
Within a minute of closing my eyes and leaning back against the cabin,
I hear the sails flogging and THE DAMNED BOAT IS TACKING. She is
looking puzzled pushing the tiller every which way. I put her back on
course and fortunately my daughter wants to steer. Later, going
downwind, my wife wants to steer again so I tell her, "Keep it on 330
degrees, I'm going below to make a PB sandwich". The two little girls
are blocking the companionway ladder so I ask my little daughter to
make me a sandwich. My wife begins to nag them to get out of the way
so I can do it and I say they can do it and she insists that the kids
clear the ladder and this goes on and on and on and on and.....Suddenly,
the damned boom crashes across. WE'VE FU*&%$G JIBBED! She is so busy
doing what she shouldn't be doing that she allows the boat to jibe
nearly knocking me into the water.
I have had it, she is a menace to everybody around her on the boat.
So, I want to discourage her from ever going sailing again before she
kills someone. Yes, I have tried everything I can think of but she is
simply incapable of steering. Unfortunately, she forgets almost
everything she learns from one sailing trip to another. I have lost
track of the number of times I have taught her how to tie various
knots. I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that she simply
should not be on a boat. Oddly, my daughters seem to do very well.
Yes, I am responsible for what happens on my boat and part of that
responsibility is keeping the inept from hurting others.

Banning my wife from the boat
 

wrote in message
...
A nice day, 12 kts and maybe in the 50s. Sailing with wife, 21 yr old
daughter, 11 yr old daughter and another 11 yr old friend. Everybody
takes turns at the tiller. Unfortunately, my wife is simply unable to
steer. EVERYBODY else quickly grasps the idea of feeling the pressure
on the tiller and steering accordingly. She is unable to do so.
Within a minute of closing my eyes and leaning back against the cabin,
I hear the sails flogging and THE DAMNED BOAT IS TACKING. She is
looking puzzled pushing the tiller every which way. I put her back on
course and fortunately my daughter wants to steer. Later, going
downwind, my wife wants to steer again so I tell her, "Keep it on 330
degrees, I'm going below to make a PB sandwich". The two little girls
are blocking the companionway ladder so I ask my little daughter to
make me a sandwich. My wife begins to nag them to get out of the way
so I can do it and I say they can do it and she insists that the kids
clear the ladder and this goes on and on and on and on and.....Suddenly,
the damned boom crashes across. WE'VE FU*&%$G JIBBED! She is so busy
doing what she shouldn't be doing that she allows the boat to jibe
nearly knocking me into the water.
I have had it, she is a menace to everybody around her on the boat.
So, I want to discourage her from ever going sailing again before she
kills someone. Yes, I have tried everything I can think of but she is
simply incapable of steering. Unfortunately, she forgets almost
everything she learns from one sailing trip to another. I have lost
track of the number of times I have taught her how to tie various
knots. I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that she simply
should not be on a boat. Oddly, my daughters seem to do very well.
Yes, I am responsible for what happens on my boat and part of that
responsibility is keeping the inept from hurting others.


Try paying for some lessons for her. It'll make a world of difference. Don't
try and teach her yourself. You're too involved emotionally.


--
"j" ganz @@
www.sailnow.com

Banning my wife from the boat
 

Try paying for some lessons for her. It'll make a world of difference.

Without you being present. Get her to bring another girlfriend along. Let
them learn at their own pace from someone that's being paid to do it.

Don't try and teach her yourself. You're too involved emotionally.

Words like "control freak" and "divorce" seem applicable here.

Just how much good is it going to do for your relationship with your wife to
get so utterly freaked out about it? If she's not grasping it, well, what's
that saying? Is it saying she's dumb as a stone? I'm not guessing
discussing it that way is going to lead in productive directions. Or is it
that she just hates your attitude and is deliberately doing a bad job of it?
My guess is somewhere in between the two.

But hey, you picked her, so you're going to have to take a new tack at
dealing with her sailing skills... or suffer the consequences.

Banning my wife from the boat
 

On Feb 10, 10:46 pm, "Bill Kearney" wrote:
Try paying for some lessons for her. It'll make a world of difference.

Without you being present. Get her to bring another girlfriend along. Let
them learn at their own pace from someone that's being paid to do it.

Don't try and teach her yourself. You're too involved emotionally.

Words like "control freak" and "divorce" seem applicable here.

Just how much good is it going to do for your relationship with your wife to
get so utterly freaked out about it? If she's not grasping it, well, what's
that saying? Is it saying she's dumb as a stone? I'm not guessing
discussing it that way is going to lead in productive directions. Or is it
that she just hates your attitude and is deliberately doing a bad job of it?
My guess is somewhere in between the two.

But hey, you picked her, so you're going to have to take a new tack at
dealing with her sailing skills... or suffer the consequences.

She has numerous good qualities but unfortunately sailing ability isnt
one of em. I strongly suspect she just does not "connect" to it right
because she wants to use the time to socialize and talk to the kids
and do all the stuff she would be doing if she wasnt steering. I also
think that learning the numerous other things like knots simply is not
important to her although she says it is. I believe it would be best
if she simply came along for the ride and did not try to do anything
at all.
Oddly, she isnt a bad driver in a car but the two do not seem to cross
over for her. She has had sailing lessons from someone else but it
just didnt "take". She is the control freak in our relationship so
she insists on being able to steer in spite of not being able to do it
at all.
Later, after the jibe, she insisted on staying at the helm and she
wanted to get back before dark and wanted me to start the engine
because we were doing only 3.5 kts by the GPS. I replied that I had
been doing 5.5 a few minutes before and the problem would be apparent
if she looked at our wake. The wake was an incredible zigzag so the
boat could build no momentum and even the engine wouldnt help if she
was steered so erratically. A few minutes later she went below
because it got cold leaving me to steer. Soon, we were back up to
nearly 6 kts. Of course, it was pretty cold at home last night
too.........

Banning my wife from the boat
 

"Bill Kearney" wrote in
t:

so you're going to have to take a new tack at
dealing with her sailing skills..

PUN! Pun Police, Pun Police!!.....(c;

Banning my wife from the boat
 

Bill's spot on.

Some suggestions:
get her out from BEHIND the steering wheel. Show her how to sit on the
SIDE so she (any maybe yourself) can clearly SEE the foresail ....
maybe even putting on a sequential ROW of 'steering telltales' on the
jib/genoa. The 'steering tales' are a long row of 6" long telltales
that start at the luff and run back for about 6-8ft. from the luff and
about 8 ft. above the deck - then she can SEE when the sail is
stalling or is developing a separation bubble. Then, she will SEE the
relationship between the sail's angle of attack and the angle of the
helm.

If you want your wife to better like sailing .... get some of her
sailing girlfriends to take her out on your boat - YOU stay on the
shore !!!!

Banning my wife from the boat
 

On Feb 10, 5:27 pm, wrote:
... Unfortunately, my wife is simply unable to
steer. EVERYBODY else ... THE DAMNED BOAT IS TACKING.
... WE'VE FU*&%$G JIBBED! ...
Yes, I am responsible for what happens on my boat and part of that
responsibility is keeping the inept from hurting others.

Aye, Captain, you are responsible for what happens on your boat.
Seems like you're doing a lot of yelling and swearing here and maybe
on the boat, too. Some might like that, I suppose, but most don't.
If the lady can't steer don't leave her alone at the helm. If she's
distractable, don't argue with her while she's steering. If you want
her to learn to sail then get her lessons. If you're just looking for
an excuse to be alone with your daughters you could try telling your
wife that and skip the whole Captain Bligh thing.

-- Tom.

Banning my wife from the boat
 

On Feb 10, 11:18 pm, Larry wrote:
"Bill Kearney" wrote innews:p5qdndWKWaGVWDLanZ2dnUVZ_q6mnZ2d@speakeasy. net:

so you're going to have to take a new tack at
dealing with her sailing skills..

PUN! Pun Police, Pun Police!!.....(c;

Occurs to me that my wife also does not like the powerboat (20'
Tolman) because she does not like steering it. Daughter does like it
and handles it confidently. The throttle needs a careful touch to
keep from revving up too high. Wife does not like the powerboat cuz
there is nothing for her to do.
She does not like the 12' MiniCups.
Oughta be enuff data here to form a conclusion but it escapes me.

Banning my wife from the boat
 

On 2008-02-10 22:27:57 -0500, said:

She is so busy doing what she shouldn't be doing that she allows the
boat to jibe nearly knocking me into the water. I have had it, she is a
menace to everybody around her on the boat.

I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that she simply should not be
on a boat. Oddly, my daughters seem to do very well. Yes, I am
responsible for what happens on my boat and part of that responsibility
is keeping the inept from hurting others.

There's a real simple solution: Don't have her control the boat (or
anything on it) unless she really wants to. Let the kids have all the
time they want of course. (but don't push them, either.)

If she wants to sail the boat, let her do it when and where it's safe,
but don't expect her to "get" it immediately and do NOT instruct her
unless she asks. Your sole job is to keep a close enough watch to
quickly take over to keep her from breaking something and to stay
*quiet*. Who cares if you actually get anywhere for that bit? Who cares
if the jib or course isn't exactly correct? (and that boom should be
prevented, anyway.)

To keep the family going out, make it fun for each of them.

Pat's a better sailor than she thinks, but because she's
hyper-sensitive to her "mistakes", I usually single-hand as she lounges
about. To keep her skills current, I'll occasionally "pass out" or find
some other reason to put her on the tiller for a while. [Oh, she also
"forgets" everything between season. When it has to be done too quickly
for her to *think* about it, she gets it right.]

When I was doing my pilot's training, I sometimes would amaze at the
instructor sitting to my right, his arms comfortably folded across his
chest. He looked so calm as he entrusted his life to my inexperienced
hands. Wasn't until I made a real mistake that I realized that was the
position from which he could most quickly reach the wheel. He rarely
commented as I was doing something, would only instruct before and say
"you could do it better by...." afterwards.

Yes, they're not going to be very good at first.

Neither were we.

--
Jere Lull
Tanzer 28 #4 out of Tolchester, MD
Xan's pages: http://web.mac.com/jerelull/iWeb/Xan/
Our BVI trips & tips: http://homepage.mac.com/jerelull/BVI/

Banning my wife from the boat
 

On Feb 10, 7:27*pm, wrote:


Thats why I sail by myself........ youre doomed.

When my daugter was 10 yo I would ask her if she wanted to go sailing.
SOmetimes she said yes if she didnt have a sleep over or somthing more
important to a ten yo. On board I described all the jobs there were on
a boat. Then asked which one she wanted to do One of the jobs was
passanger, when she was 14 i created a new nob. DeeJay/ She liked that
job lots for a while. She stoped wanting to go sailing after a while.
that was cool. now I sail by myself.

My daughter is 20 now and I am single. Ahh, sweet silence and a
daugher who loves her dad.
The best of both worlds
Bob