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Banning my wife from the boat
A nice day, 12 kts and maybe in the 50s. Sailing with wife, 21 yr old
daughter, 11 yr old daughter and another 11 yr old friend. Everybody takes turns at the tiller. Unfortunately, my wife is simply unable to steer. EVERYBODY else quickly grasps the idea of feeling the pressure on the tiller and steering accordingly. She is unable to do so. Within a minute of closing my eyes and leaning back against the cabin, I hear the sails flogging and THE DAMNED BOAT IS TACKING. She is looking puzzled pushing the tiller every which way. I put her back on course and fortunately my daughter wants to steer. Later, going downwind, my wife wants to steer again so I tell her, "Keep it on 330 degrees, I'm going below to make a PB sandwich". The two little girls are blocking the companionway ladder so I ask my little daughter to make me a sandwich. My wife begins to nag them to get out of the way so I can do it and I say they can do it and she insists that the kids clear the ladder and this goes on and on and on and on and.....Suddenly, the damned boom crashes across. WE'VE FU*&%$G JIBBED! She is so busy doing what she shouldn't be doing that she allows the boat to jibe nearly knocking me into the water. I have had it, she is a menace to everybody around her on the boat. So, I want to discourage her from ever going sailing again before she kills someone. Yes, I have tried everything I can think of but she is simply incapable of steering. Unfortunately, she forgets almost everything she learns from one sailing trip to another. I have lost track of the number of times I have taught her how to tie various knots. I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that she simply should not be on a boat. Oddly, my daughters seem to do very well. Yes, I am responsible for what happens on my boat and part of that responsibility is keeping the inept from hurting others. |
Banning my wife from the boat
wrote in message
... A nice day, 12 kts and maybe in the 50s. Sailing with wife, 21 yr old daughter, 11 yr old daughter and another 11 yr old friend. Everybody takes turns at the tiller. Unfortunately, my wife is simply unable to steer. EVERYBODY else quickly grasps the idea of feeling the pressure on the tiller and steering accordingly. She is unable to do so. Within a minute of closing my eyes and leaning back against the cabin, I hear the sails flogging and THE DAMNED BOAT IS TACKING. She is looking puzzled pushing the tiller every which way. I put her back on course and fortunately my daughter wants to steer. Later, going downwind, my wife wants to steer again so I tell her, "Keep it on 330 degrees, I'm going below to make a PB sandwich". The two little girls are blocking the companionway ladder so I ask my little daughter to make me a sandwich. My wife begins to nag them to get out of the way so I can do it and I say they can do it and she insists that the kids clear the ladder and this goes on and on and on and on and.....Suddenly, the damned boom crashes across. WE'VE FU*&%$G JIBBED! She is so busy doing what she shouldn't be doing that she allows the boat to jibe nearly knocking me into the water. I have had it, she is a menace to everybody around her on the boat. So, I want to discourage her from ever going sailing again before she kills someone. Yes, I have tried everything I can think of but she is simply incapable of steering. Unfortunately, she forgets almost everything she learns from one sailing trip to another. I have lost track of the number of times I have taught her how to tie various knots. I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that she simply should not be on a boat. Oddly, my daughters seem to do very well. Yes, I am responsible for what happens on my boat and part of that responsibility is keeping the inept from hurting others. Try paying for some lessons for her. It'll make a world of difference. Don't try and teach her yourself. You're too involved emotionally. -- "j" ganz @@ www.sailnow.com |
Banning my wife from the boat
Try paying for some lessons for her. It'll make a world of difference.
Without you being present. Get her to bring another girlfriend along. Let them learn at their own pace from someone that's being paid to do it. Don't try and teach her yourself. You're too involved emotionally. Words like "control freak" and "divorce" seem applicable here. Just how much good is it going to do for your relationship with your wife to get so utterly freaked out about it? If she's not grasping it, well, what's that saying? Is it saying she's dumb as a stone? I'm not guessing discussing it that way is going to lead in productive directions. Or is it that she just hates your attitude and is deliberately doing a bad job of it? My guess is somewhere in between the two. But hey, you picked her, so you're going to have to take a new tack at dealing with her sailing skills... or suffer the consequences. |
Banning my wife from the boat
On Feb 10, 10:46 pm, "Bill Kearney" wrote:
Try paying for some lessons for her. It'll make a world of difference. Without you being present. Get her to bring another girlfriend along. Let them learn at their own pace from someone that's being paid to do it. Don't try and teach her yourself. You're too involved emotionally. Words like "control freak" and "divorce" seem applicable here. Just how much good is it going to do for your relationship with your wife to get so utterly freaked out about it? If she's not grasping it, well, what's that saying? Is it saying she's dumb as a stone? I'm not guessing discussing it that way is going to lead in productive directions. Or is it that she just hates your attitude and is deliberately doing a bad job of it? My guess is somewhere in between the two. But hey, you picked her, so you're going to have to take a new tack at dealing with her sailing skills... or suffer the consequences. She has numerous good qualities but unfortunately sailing ability isnt one of em. I strongly suspect she just does not "connect" to it right because she wants to use the time to socialize and talk to the kids and do all the stuff she would be doing if she wasnt steering. I also think that learning the numerous other things like knots simply is not important to her although she says it is. I believe it would be best if she simply came along for the ride and did not try to do anything at all. Oddly, she isnt a bad driver in a car but the two do not seem to cross over for her. She has had sailing lessons from someone else but it just didnt "take". She is the control freak in our relationship so she insists on being able to steer in spite of not being able to do it at all. Later, after the jibe, she insisted on staying at the helm and she wanted to get back before dark and wanted me to start the engine because we were doing only 3.5 kts by the GPS. I replied that I had been doing 5.5 a few minutes before and the problem would be apparent if she looked at our wake. The wake was an incredible zigzag so the boat could build no momentum and even the engine wouldnt help if she was steered so erratically. A few minutes later she went below because it got cold leaving me to steer. Soon, we were back up to nearly 6 kts. Of course, it was pretty cold at home last night too......... |
Banning my wife from the boat
"Bill Kearney" wrote in
t: so you're going to have to take a new tack at dealing with her sailing skills.. PUN! Pun Police, Pun Police!!.....(c; |
Banning my wife from the boat
Bill's spot on.
Some suggestions: get her out from BEHIND the steering wheel. Show her how to sit on the SIDE so she (any maybe yourself) can clearly SEE the foresail .... maybe even putting on a sequential ROW of 'steering telltales' on the jib/genoa. The 'steering tales' are a long row of 6" long telltales that start at the luff and run back for about 6-8ft. from the luff and about 8 ft. above the deck - then she can SEE when the sail is stalling or is developing a separation bubble. Then, she will SEE the relationship between the sail's angle of attack and the angle of the helm. If you want your wife to better like sailing .... get some of her sailing girlfriends to take her out on your boat - YOU stay on the shore !!!! |
Banning my wife from the boat
On Feb 10, 5:27 pm, wrote:
... Unfortunately, my wife is simply unable to steer. EVERYBODY else ... THE DAMNED BOAT IS TACKING. ... WE'VE FU*&%$G JIBBED! ... Yes, I am responsible for what happens on my boat and part of that responsibility is keeping the inept from hurting others. Aye, Captain, you are responsible for what happens on your boat. Seems like you're doing a lot of yelling and swearing here and maybe on the boat, too. Some might like that, I suppose, but most don't. If the lady can't steer don't leave her alone at the helm. If she's distractable, don't argue with her while she's steering. If you want her to learn to sail then get her lessons. If you're just looking for an excuse to be alone with your daughters you could try telling your wife that and skip the whole Captain Bligh thing. -- Tom. |
Banning my wife from the boat
On Feb 10, 11:18 pm, Larry wrote:
"Bill Kearney" wrote innews:p5qdndWKWaGVWDLanZ2dnUVZ_q6mnZ2d@speakeasy. net: so you're going to have to take a new tack at dealing with her sailing skills.. PUN! Pun Police, Pun Police!!.....(c; Occurs to me that my wife also does not like the powerboat (20' Tolman) because she does not like steering it. Daughter does like it and handles it confidently. The throttle needs a careful touch to keep from revving up too high. Wife does not like the powerboat cuz there is nothing for her to do. She does not like the 12' MiniCups. Oughta be enuff data here to form a conclusion but it escapes me. |
Banning my wife from the boat
On Feb 10, 7:27*pm, wrote:
Thats why I sail by myself........ youre doomed. When my daugter was 10 yo I would ask her if she wanted to go sailing. SOmetimes she said yes if she didnt have a sleep over or somthing more important to a ten yo. On board I described all the jobs there were on a boat. Then asked which one she wanted to do One of the jobs was passanger, when she was 14 i created a new nob. DeeJay/ She liked that job lots for a while. She stoped wanting to go sailing after a while. that was cool. now I sail by myself. My daughter is 20 now and I am single. Ahh, sweet silence and a daugher who loves her dad. The best of both worlds Bob |
Banning my wife from the boat
"Bill Kearney" wrote in message
t... Try paying for some lessons for her. It'll make a world of difference. Without you being present. Get her to bring another girlfriend along. Let them learn at their own pace from someone that's being paid to do it. Definitely. Don't even watch from shore.... Don't try and teach her yourself. You're too involved emotionally. Words like "control freak" and "divorce" seem applicable here. Been there almost did that... learned my lesson. Just how much good is it going to do for your relationship with your wife to get so utterly freaked out about it? If she's not grasping it, well, what's that saying? Is it saying she's dumb as a stone? I'm not guessing discussing it that way is going to lead in productive directions. Or is it that she just hates your attitude and is deliberately doing a bad job of it? My guess is somewhere in between the two. But hey, you picked her, so you're going to have to take a new tack at dealing with her sailing skills... or suffer the consequences. He chased her until she caught him. -- "j" ganz @@ www.sailnow.com |
Banning my wife from the boat
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Banning my wife from the boat
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Banning my wife from the boat
"Larry" wrote in message ... "Bill Kearney" wrote in t: so you're going to have to take a new tack at dealing with her sailing skills.. PUN! Pun Police, Pun Police!!.....(c; Yes, caught that did ya? Heh. |
Banning my wife from the boat
Seems like you're doing a lot of yelling and swearing here and maybe
on the boat, too. Some might like that, I suppose, but most don't. I once heard a saying "the amount of yelling from the captain is directly proptional to how scared he is". |
Banning my wife from the boat
Well.. this may be a ploy. You will end up chasing after another woman.
Get caught. Your wife, she will sue for divorce. Take the boat and a whole bunch of everything else. And: sail off with her NEW man, Mr Captain Mustles. You better watch out .. !!! ==== wrote in message ... A nice day, 12 kts and maybe in the 50s. Sailing with wife, 21 yr old daughter, 11 yr old daughter and another 11 yr old friend. Everybody takes turns at the tiller. Unfortunately, my wife is simply unable to steer. EVERYBODY else quickly grasps the idea of feeling the pressure on the tiller and steering accordingly. She is unable to do so. Within a minute of closing my eyes and leaning back against the cabin, I hear the sails flogging and THE DAMNED BOAT IS TACKING. She is looking puzzled pushing the tiller every which way. I put her back on course and fortunately my daughter wants to steer. Later, going downwind, my wife wants to steer again so I tell her, "Keep it on 330 degrees, I'm going below to make a PB sandwich". The two little girls are blocking the companionway ladder so I ask my little daughter to make me a sandwich. My wife begins to nag them to get out of the way so I can do it and I say they can do it and she insists that the kids clear the ladder and this goes on and on and on and on and.....Suddenly, the damned boom crashes across. WE'VE FU*&%$G JIBBED! She is so busy doing what she shouldn't be doing that she allows the boat to jibe nearly knocking me into the water. I have had it, she is a menace to everybody around her on the boat. So, I want to discourage her from ever going sailing again before she kills someone. Yes, I have tried everything I can think of but she is simply incapable of steering. Unfortunately, she forgets almost everything she learns from one sailing trip to another. I have lost track of the number of times I have taught her how to tie various knots. I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that she simply should not be on a boat. Oddly, my daughters seem to do very well. Yes, I am responsible for what happens on my boat and part of that responsibility is keeping the inept from hurting others. |
Banning my wife from the boat
wrote in message ... A nice day, 12 kts and maybe in the 50s. Sailing with wife, 21 yr old daughter, 11 yr old daughter and another 11 yr old friend. Everybody takes turns at the tiller. Unfortunately, my wife is simply unable to steer. EVERYBODY else quickly grasps the idea of feeling the pressure on the tiller and steering accordingly. She is unable to do so. snip... Are you still in sight of land? Picking a certain landmark to aim at might help her. Otherwise , why fight it. Get a tiller tamer for when you need a break and put her in charge of the jib. |
Banning my wife from the boat
Bob wrote:
On Feb 10, 7:27 pm, wrote: Thats why I sail by myself........ youre doomed. When my daugter was 10 yo I would ask her if she wanted to go sailing. SOmetimes she said yes if she didnt have a sleep over or somthing more important to a ten yo. On board I described all the jobs there were on a boat. Then asked which one she wanted to do One of the jobs was passanger, when she was 14 i created a new nob. DeeJay/ She liked that job lots for a while. She stoped wanting to go sailing after a while. that was cool. now I sail by myself. My daughter is 20 now and I am single. Ahh, sweet silence and a daugher who loves her dad. The best of both worlds Bob Last year I gave 16yo ultimatum, get a job or go on vacation with Dad. You are NOT going to lay around the house all summer. Having had a job for the last three years this did not sound like too much of a threat in February. However...................................... She ended up with me. ****ed and grumpy and foul. To be fair to her it was a tough trip. To be fair to me she was bound and determined to make me, and everyone in contact, miserable. There is miserable and then there is rude. 90% of her time was spent holding down the settee cushion while playing some computer game. The funny thing is that the one thing she enjoyed on the whole trip was helping me do some rewiring. She did a good job (except with that whole +/- thing, ya know) and even later said that it was "enjoyable." Go figure. I have had the boat three summers. Done about 2000 miles. Before taking delivery I had Wife and Daughter do a keel boat course. Wife studied for test and got 96, Daughter watched Capt Bob and got a 92. Wife has sailed onboard ONCE. Still gets "pointy end" confused with "other end." Wears Scopalomine to go to West Marine. She will be ground crew as long as I don't climb mast (I hate this @#$@ boat and I @#$#$@ hate you!!!!!!!.) BTW I have steps, and harness, and have worked as lineman. Wife insisted I sign a pre-boatual agreement that I would keep my "mistress" out of her sight. Once they went home I had some of the most lovely and peaceful and tranquil sailing. Just wonderful...........and lonely. Ah, the enigma. |
Banning my wife from the boat
be happy she wants to come with you, mine is scared from sailing anyway, though we have a stable 43' cat..... |
Banning my wife from the boat
David,
I feel your pain.Have you ever taken your wife in for a mental evaluation? It is possible that she may suffer from some degree of attention deficit disorder. No amount of instruction, hand holding and the like will ever overcome the unlimited fustration and havoc she causes. It is very possible that she excels at some things but fails miserably at others. Understanding ADD will help you to accept the things you can't change and even more important to know what to expect and how to avoid situations altogether. Your goal in life should be your happiness first and the happiness of your family comes second. You can't make your wife happy just like you can't make her understand things. She just doesn't have the capacity for that. The fact that you get along well with your daughters points the finger of blame squarely at your wife. Drop her some hints such as ot taking her sailing, excluding her from family activities, etc and soom she will realize that you are serious. Get her to go to a mental health professional for evaluation, not an MD. Meet with the professional beforehand to fill him in on the problems and to check out the person. Many in the mental health profession have no mental health themselves and are champions of those with arrested development. Find the underlying causes and then you can treat the disease. Ron |
Banning my wife from the boat
Let's see if I have this: On the sailboat, she screws something up,
you fix it and get ****ed off at her, she gets ****ed off at you and then sulks/ or fumes or does something else she knows will **** you off--and perhaps that you will also have to fix first. She doesn't do it in the car, or apparently in many other places. (Just a thought, but how much did you pay for that boat, anyway? Enough to have put in a pool/redone the kitchen/gotten a Winnebago/ done something else she would have wanted instead?) I wonder if she goes on your boat trips to enjoy the boat, or to engage with you in the script the two of you seem to follow. She jibes, you get mad and straighten out the boat. She slows the boat to a crawl, you are expected to start the motor to get the speed back up (that's so you'll notice how much she's slowed the boat. And maybe get mad). She tells the kids to get out of the c'way, you get mad and straighten things out and send one down to make your sandwich. It sounds pretty predictable. And it takes two. An attention deficit problem isn't necessary to explain her behavior, when you consider that she can't do it without a partner to play along. ADD would be evident in many other ways. You'd both know it by now. Not many MH people can diagnose it accurately, anyway. Instead the two of you make a very good team. It's just too bad the result for both of you, at least in these instances, is pain. Can you deviate from the script? Let her fix her screw-ups herself (ok, not the accidental jibes, but some of the others)? If she really wants to learn to sail, the others are right, send her to a school. If she just wants to engage you in the ritual, you need to change what you do, not what she does. JV |
Banning my wife from the boat
On Feb 10, 7:27*pm, wrote:
Yes, I am responsible for what happens on my boat and part of that responsibility is keeping the inept from hurting others. Hey, So PLEASE help me out here. Why do guys feel compelled to share and include otheres in their enjoyment. SInce when did you become the center of the univers where you belive everyone want to do what you what to do? Go sailing by yourself. If some one BEGS to go say okay. When they get on the boat say, ":sit over there and dont stand up." Or am imissing something here??? Bob |
Banning my wife from the boat
Bob wrote:
On Feb 10, 7:27 pm, wrote: Yes, I am responsible for what happens on my boat and part of that responsibility is keeping the inept from hurting others. Hey, So PLEASE help me out here. Why do guys feel compelled to share and include otheres in their enjoyment. SInce when did you become the center of the univers where you belive everyone want to do what you what to do? Go sailing by yourself. If some one BEGS to go say okay. When they get on the boat say, ":sit over there and dont stand up." Or am imissing something here??? Bob Oh, so now you want us to grow up! Is Bob short for Roberta? Seriously, good point. My downfall is that I miss sharing my joy with my Wife. |
Banning my wife from the boat
Bob wrote:
On Feb 10, 7:27 pm, wrote: Yes, I am responsible for what happens on my boat and part of that responsibility is keeping the inept from hurting others. Hey, So PLEASE help me out here. Why do guys feel compelled to share and include otheres in their enjoyment. SInce when did you become the center of the univers where you belive everyone want to do what you what to do? Go sailing by yourself. If some one BEGS to go say okay. When they get on the boat say, ":sit over there and dont stand up." Or am imissing something here??? Bob Oh, so now you want us to grow up! Is Bob short for Roberta? Seriously, good point. If you are missing something it is that OHare's situation seems to be a little different, she wants to come and take part but mucks it up. I have some of that. The reason I got the boat is because she refused to go on vacation. So "If you don't go you don't get to vote on what I do when you are not there." Now I got the boat and she wants to come for two weeks but avoid the boat. Which means I have to be at some place at a time specific to meet her. AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!! I would love to have her come along and join in. If not stay home and let me enjoy. Hopefully this year will be better. No long transits, I will have a home port |
Banning my wife from the boat
On Feb 12, 4:58*am, hpeer wrote:
Is Bob short for Roberta? Not yet .... she wants to come and take part but mucks it up. Tell her NO. Tell her GO LEARN HOW TO SAIL THEN MAYBE. The reason I got the boat is because she refused to go on vacation. That is simple. GO on vacation by yoursef. Take a kid fo a special Dad- Daughte Day.... week. besides, kids like to have alone time wih their Dad. *Now I got the boat and she wants to come for two weeks. Please say no... Some things are left done seperat. Did you go see teh movie Ya Ya SIisterhood with your wife too? Okay, try this. Tell her shes using the wrong kind of tampon, go to the store and get a diffrent brand/type. Next time shes on the rag shove one up there and say... see aint that better hunny. Daddy knows best .She might get the idea there are some areas of activity that should be left seperate. I would love to have her come along and join in. *If not stay home and let me enjoy. Why??? She is who she is???? Lokk, ya want cute athletic smart, funny, warm, enjoyale, someone who works well in a team, and knows boats.......Get an 22 yo college hottie from the sailing team.for crew. Tell your eife shes dangerous and will injur your children. thats why you got this hot babe. then when the kids start comming home sayiing how much fun ther new gsailing girl is......... well ...... Hopefully this year will be better. More of the same will get you more of the same. Stop ruining everyones life. Go sailing without yor wife. Just say no! Bob, single and LOVING it! |
Banning my wife from the boat
Bob, single and LOVING it!
No doubt the women avoiding you has more to do with it that your own chosing. |
Banning my wife from the boat
Don't try and teach her yourself. You're too involved emotionally.
Well, several issues here, not just emotional involvement. It's been well demonstrated in *many* fields that rather few husbands can make a success of teaching his wife a complex task. "Bill Kearney" wrote: Words like "control freak" and "divorce" seem applicable here. Maybe. No point in being judgemental.... though I take your point to be that the OP should back off. Just how much good is it going to do for your relationship with your wife to get so utterly freaked out about it? If she's not grasping it, well, what's that saying? Is it saying she's dumb as a stone? I'm not guessing discussing it that way is going to lead in productive directions. Or is it that she just hates your attitude and is deliberately doing a bad job of it? My guess is somewhere in between the two. Actually, the latter is very common for both husbands & wives. The spouse really really wants to do something, and one or the other insists it be a "couples" activity, and the one who did not bring them into the situation sabotages it... often subconsciously. Happens in everything from shopping for houses to raising kids, and of course sailing/cruising. But hey, you picked her, so you're going to have to take a new tack at dealing with her sailing skills... or suffer the consequences. groan wrote: She has numerous good qualities but unfortunately sailing ability isnt one of em. Well, my advice is focus on the positive. Oddly, she isnt a bad driver in a car but the two do not seem to cross over for her. Why would it? Driving a car is *nothing* like sailing. In fact, making the connection rather raises my suspicion of your own sailing skills. .... She is the control freak in our relationship so she insists on being able to steer in spite of not being able to do it at all. Here's the problem- she thinks she's doing fine. The first and foremost task for *any* teacher is to convince the student that he has something to learn. Until you get over this bump, the rest will assuredly not follow. The problem here is to convince her that she is not a good helmsperson without seeming like a tyrannical jerk. This has been easy for me, since most of my teaching of sailing was done either in conjunction or in close proximity to one-design racing. When another boat is passing you, it is absolutely, unarguably, & quantifiably being steered better.. Later, after the jibe, she insisted on staying at the helm and she wanted to get back before dark and wanted me to start the engine because we were doing only 3.5 kts by the GPS. I replied that I had been doing 5.5 a few minutes before and the problem would be apparent if she looked at our wake. The wake was an incredible zigzag so the boat could build no momentum and even the engine wouldnt help if she was steered so erratically. Just get the kids to yell "Snake Wake! Snake Wake" when they see her zig-zagging. Actually the best technique I know of to teach a person to steer by reflex is to give them quick & certain feedback. With a tiller boat, you can tap their hand on the back, towards the side they need to move the tiller. With a wheel, tap one of the spokes toward where they should turn. Or some similar system of quick & clear feedback, such that the student can keep looking at where the boat is going and not at the instructor or at the helm itself. Another option is to turn her loose on a Laser some afternoon when the wind is not too light or too strong. She'll learn... it will be the only way to make it back to the beach and/or dock! Motivation is key! Fresh Breezes- Doug King |
Banning my wife from the boat
wrote in message
... Don't try and teach her yourself. You're too involved emotionally. Well, several issues here, not just emotional involvement. It's been well demonstrated in *many* fields that rather few husbands can make a success of teaching his wife a complex task. It is a complex task, but in my view it's a complex task based on the emotional content of the relationship. A spouse tends to think that the other person can read his/her thoughts or something along those lines. -- "j" ganz @@ www.sailnow.com |
Banning my wife from the boat
Another option is to turn her loose on a Laser some afternoon when the wind is not too light or too strong. She'll learn... it will be the only way to make it back to the beach and/or dock! Motivation is key! Fresh Breezes- Doug King Good post Doug !!!!! Has lots of merit. My wife rapidly learned when I encouraged she go out on a small one design all by herself (my complicated racing scow with 33 control lines !!!!) ... and when the 'questions' from her started in earnest I knew that she was 'sold' on sailing. She now can helm our boats in any big-boat race and with precision that would match the best of well experienced helmsmen. We leave on a 2-3 year 'journey' on our boat this fall .... primarily her idea !!!!! Just remember if YOUR sailing skills arent (honestly) that good there will be many unnecessary 'conflicts' --- get her into lessons or get her off by herself in a small sailing dinghy ..... if you want a 'partner'. Motivate, communicate, appreciate ...... otherwise you simply wont have a boat very long ... or wont have that wife very long. ;-) |
Banning my wife from the boat
On Feb 12, 6:00 pm, Gogarty wrote:
Back when we were growing up in Marblehead, Mass., and sailing at young ages, we thought the worst thing that could happen to a man would be to marry a woman who did not like sailing. Theh we discovered sex. But now after many years we have all gone back to the original opinion. A little background: Married 28 yrs, 3 kids, 21, 17 and 11. Been sailing for 20 yrs. She is the touchy-feely type with degrees in education and counseling and I am the analytic type MS Physics and MSEE so you can imagine how well this works. She likes to sail for the aesthetics whereas I like to sail for the problem solving aspects. She clearly cannot concentrate on steering and will never understand how the sails work. She claims that having something on shore to use as a mark helps her but I have not noticed this and often we are simply too far out so it is either steer by the compass or by feel of the tiller or watch the sails and she can do none of these because she is tuned in to watching the people aboard as you would expect. Unfortunately, she wants to steer and always wants me to explain how to do things I have taught her dozens of times in the past (knots, using the VHF, using the compass, etc.). I lost patience with teaching her a long time ago. My 21 yr old daughter is a biology major so is technical enough to understand things and even my 11 yr old daughter grasps things so fast it amazes me. Saturday she casually remarked we would need a course of 310 (our reciprocal) to get back to our channel.. I can count on them when I need them whereas I cannot count on my wife to do what needs to be done in a hurry. If I tell my 11 yr old daughter to hold the boat into the wind while I drop the main she does it whereas my wife is unable to do so. I don't know why. Weirdly, my son is just like my wife and is incapable of doing even the most basic things (would impale himself on a screwdriver) although he is always Mr Popularity and he is an alien to me. I do most of my sailing alone but I see other families sailing and really want this to work for us. Unfortunately, I cannot count on my wife and am actually much safer sailing alone or with the kids and myself. Sailing with her is like sailing single handed but with one arm tied behind me. I have tried getting her to sail small boats by herself but she doesn't like them (surely a sign of something). So, how do other sailors deal with sailing with an inept spouse when it is clear that NOTHING will help the situation? Is this simply a case of "Some people don't belong on boats"? |
Banning my wife from the boat
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Banning my wife from the boat
On Feb 12, 8:29 pm, Stephen Trapani wrote:
wrote: On Feb 12, 6:00 pm, Gogarty wrote: Back when we were growing up in Marblehead, Mass., and sailing at young ages, we thought the worst thing that could happen to a man would be to marry a woman who did not like sailing. Theh we discovered sex. But now after many years we have all gone back to the original opinion. A little background: Married 28 yrs, 3 kids, 21, 17 and 11. Been sailing for 20 yrs. She is the touchy-feely type with degrees in education and counseling and I am the analytic type MS Physics and MSEE so you can imagine how well this works. She likes to sail for the aesthetics whereas I like to sail for the problem solving aspects. She clearly cannot concentrate on steering and will never understand how the sails work. She claims that having something on shore to use as a mark helps her but I have not noticed this and often we are simply too far out so it is either steer by the compass or by feel of the tiller or watch the sails and she can do none of these because she is tuned in to watching the people aboard as you would expect. Unfortunately, she wants to steer and always wants me to explain how to do things I have taught her dozens of times in the past (knots, using the VHF, using the compass, etc.). I lost patience with teaching her a long time ago. My 21 yr old daughter is a biology major so is technical enough to understand things and even my 11 yr old daughter grasps things so fast it amazes me. Saturday she casually remarked we would need a course of 310 (our reciprocal) to get back to our channel.. I can count on them when I need them whereas I cannot count on my wife to do what needs to be done in a hurry. If I tell my 11 yr old daughter to hold the boat into the wind while I drop the main she does it whereas my wife is unable to do so. I don't know why. Weirdly, my son is just like my wife and is incapable of doing even the most basic things (would impale himself on a screwdriver) although he is always Mr Popularity and he is an alien to me. I do most of my sailing alone but I see other families sailing and really want this to work for us. Unfortunately, I cannot count on my wife and am actually much safer sailing alone or with the kids and myself. Sailing with her is like sailing single handed but with one arm tied behind me. I have tried getting her to sail small boats by herself but she doesn't like them (surely a sign of something). So, how do other sailors deal with sailing with an inept spouse when it is clear that NOTHING will help the situation? Is this simply a case of "Some people don't belong on boats"? If she understood how she is putting others at risk (can you two communicat?) and if she had other things to do (like socialize) why would she insist upon taking the helm? Is she still putting everyone at risk just sitting their enjoying the aesthetics? Why does she have to be banned from the boat entirely? Stephen OTOH, she has her good qualities. On Saturday, she looked at the tattered 20 yr old Bimini and said "You really ought to buy a new one". How can you be too angry with a wife who APPROVES of you spending money on the boat? OTOH, she then said "Then we could have more friends sail with us because it would be more comfortable". That's all I need, more people aboard to interfere with sailing and to distract her when she insists on steering. |
Banning my wife from the boat
On 2008-02-12 19:29:20 -0500, said:
I lost patience with teaching her a long time ago. I suspect this history is part of the problem.... My 21 yr old daughter is a biology major so is technical enough to understand things Here's a thought: Why not work up a mother-daughters sail/weekend? Just Mom and the 21 year-old might be right, too, as for some reason I'm thinking that the numbers of social interactions might be contributing, and your daughter(s) may figure out better ways to get things across. If you're needed to get in and out of the port, why not drag a MiniCup along and you take off to someplace in it while they figure out the ropes alone? Maybe put the 11 year-old in the other for the trip so she can sharpen her skills. Or put Mom and the youngest in the big boat: That might sharpen Mom's focus. All these can be presented to Mom as "bonding", not instruction, perhaps. I'd ask the kids which tack to take, though. We all learn differently. I gave up teaching my wife navigation and don't understand her reasoning when I ask, but she's sorta figured it out on her own by studying the spare chart as we go along without any input from me. -- Jere Lull Tanzer 28 #4 out of Tolchester, MD Xan's pages: http://web.mac.com/jerelull/iWeb/Xan/ Our BVI trips & tips: http://homepage.mac.com/jerelull/BVI/ |
Banning my wife from the boat
On 2008-02-12 19:29:20 -0500, said:
Weirdly, my son is just like my wife and is incapable of doing even the most basic things (would impale himself on a screwdriver) although he is always Mr Popularity and he is an alien to me. Side issue: How's he doing? I've been wondering since we're hearing about the girls for the first time and not him. -- Jere Lull Tanzer 28 #4 out of Tolchester, MD Xan's pages: http://web.mac.com/jerelull/iWeb/Xan/ Our BVI trips & tips: http://homepage.mac.com/jerelull/BVI/ |
Banning my wife from the boat
On Feb 12, 10:54 pm, Jere Lull wrote:
On 2008-02-12 19:29:20 -0500, said: Weirdly, my son is just like my wife and is incapable of doing even the most basic things (would impale himself on a screwdriver) although he is always Mr Popularity and he is an alien to me. Side issue: How's he doing? I've been wondering since we're hearing about the girls for the first time and not him. -- Jere Lull Tanzer 28 #4 out of Tolchester, MD Xan's pages:http://web.mac.com/jerelull/iWeb/Xan/ Our BVI trips & tips:http://homepage.mac.com/jerelull/BVI/ My son has sorta straightened out as he has gotten older, still not a great student but he does have a job so I cant complain too much. After our dad-son forced cruise a couple years ago after he got caught with pot, he decided he didnt want to spend any more family time on the boat. So, he works and hangs out with friends, fortunately a gf had good effect on him. You know how those teen years are, hates spending time with family. He used to love the MiniCups but now only uses em if he can take a friend along. I sure wish I could figger a way to connect with him but we seem to inhabit different universes. It is really strange understanding my daughters but not my son. I have decided my wife isnt really interested in sailing because she wont take the Minicups out. She is really more interested in the social aspect of sailing and the image of sailing. |
Banning my wife from the boat
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Banning my wife from the boat
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Banning my wife from the boat
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Banning my wife from the boat
On 2008-02-13 02:18:37 -0500, (Richard
Casady) said: On Tue, 12 Feb 2008 10:11:23 -0800 (PST), wrote: Well, several issues here, not just emotional involvement. It's been well demonstrated in *many* fields that rather few husbands can make a success of teaching his wife a complex task. When did helmsman get to be so complex? ???? If it weren't complex, all the powerboaters would be doing it! I think the problem is being able to concentrate on something that seems to be doing so little. -- Jere Lull Tanzer 28 #4 out of Tolchester, MD Xan's pages: http://web.mac.com/jerelull/iWeb/Xan/ Our BVI trips & tips: http://homepage.mac.com/jerelull/BVI/ |
Banning my wife from the boat
wrote:
ell, several issues here, not just emotional involvement. It's been well demonstrated in *many* fields that rather few husbands can make a success of teaching his wife a complex task. (Richard Casady) wrote: When did helmsman get to be so complex? Well, just steering the boat isn't really difficult or complex, but it obviously is more difficult for some people than others ;) There is the complication of knowing what the helmsman is responsible for. Just following a compass course, or steering towards a recognizable point on shore, should be easy. However is the helmsperson also responsible for watching the depthsounder and avoiding shallows? Deciding when to tack? Most of the time for casual sailing (at least in my experience), the helmsperson is assumed to be the de-facto skipper of the moment, sort of like being officer of the watch. If the helmsman is not also the owner and/or *real* skipper of the vessel, then it's generally assumed that the helmsperson is supposed to monitor the ongoing situation of the vessel (shallows, wind & weather, other vessels) and call the owner/real-skipper when difficulties are arising. If you think this is easy, then I would like to come sailing with you and learn how! Fresh Breezes- Doug King |
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