wrote:
On Feb 12, 6:00 pm, Gogarty wrote:
Back when we were growing up in Marblehead, Mass., and sailing at young
ages, we thought the worst thing that could happen to a man would be to
marry a woman who did not like sailing. Theh we discovered sex. But now
after many years we have all gone back to the original opinion.

A little background:

Married 28 yrs, 3 kids, 21, 17 and 11. Been sailing for 20 yrs. She
is the touchy-feely type with degrees in education and counseling and
I am the analytic type MS Physics and MSEE so you can imagine how well
this works. She likes to sail for the aesthetics whereas I like to
sail for the problem solving aspects. She clearly cannot concentrate
on steering and will never understand how the sails work. She claims
that having something on shore to use as a mark helps her but I have
not noticed this and often we are simply too far out so it is either
steer by the compass or by feel of the tiller or watch the sails and
she can do none of these because she is tuned in to watching the
people aboard as you would expect. Unfortunately, she wants to steer
and always wants me to explain how to do things I have taught her
dozens of times in the past (knots, using the VHF, using the compass,
etc.). I lost patience with teaching her a long time ago.
My 21 yr old daughter is a biology major so is technical enough to
understand things and even my 11 yr old daughter grasps things so fast
it amazes me. Saturday she casually remarked we would need a course of
310 (our reciprocal) to get back to our channel.. I can count on them
when I need them whereas I cannot count on my wife to do what needs to
be done in a hurry. If I tell my 11 yr old daughter to hold the boat
into the wind while I drop the main she does it whereas my wife is
unable to do so. I don't know why.
Weirdly, my son is just like my wife and is incapable of doing even
the most basic things (would impale himself on a screwdriver) although
he is always Mr Popularity and he is an alien to me.
I do most of my sailing alone but I see other families sailing and
really want this to work for us. Unfortunately, I cannot count on my
wife and am actually much safer sailing alone or with the kids and
myself. Sailing with her is like sailing single handed but with one
arm tied behind me. I have tried getting her to sail small boats by
herself but she doesn't like them (surely a sign of something).
So, how do other sailors deal with sailing with an inept spouse when
it is clear that NOTHING will help the situation? Is this simply a
case of "Some people don't belong on boats"?


If she understood how she is putting others at risk (can you two
communicat?) and if she had other things to do (like socialize) why
would she insist upon taking the helm? Is she still putting everyone at
risk just sitting their enjoying the aesthetics? Why does she have to be
banned from the boat entirely?

Stephen

On Feb 12, 8:29 pm, Stephen Trapani wrote:
wrote:
On Feb 12, 6:00 pm, Gogarty wrote:
Back when we were growing up in Marblehead, Mass., and sailing at young
ages, we thought the worst thing that could happen to a man would be to
marry a woman who did not like sailing. Theh we discovered sex. But now
after many years we have all gone back to the original opinion.

A little background:

Married 28 yrs, 3 kids, 21, 17 and 11. Been sailing for 20 yrs. She
is the touchy-feely type with degrees in education and counseling and
I am the analytic type MS Physics and MSEE so you can imagine how well
this works. She likes to sail for the aesthetics whereas I like to
sail for the problem solving aspects. She clearly cannot concentrate
on steering and will never understand how the sails work. She claims
that having something on shore to use as a mark helps her but I have
not noticed this and often we are simply too far out so it is either
steer by the compass or by feel of the tiller or watch the sails and
she can do none of these because she is tuned in to watching the
people aboard as you would expect. Unfortunately, she wants to steer
and always wants me to explain how to do things I have taught her
dozens of times in the past (knots, using the VHF, using the compass,
etc.). I lost patience with teaching her a long time ago.
My 21 yr old daughter is a biology major so is technical enough to
understand things and even my 11 yr old daughter grasps things so fast
it amazes me. Saturday she casually remarked we would need a course of
310 (our reciprocal) to get back to our channel.. I can count on them
when I need them whereas I cannot count on my wife to do what needs to
be done in a hurry. If I tell my 11 yr old daughter to hold the boat
into the wind while I drop the main she does it whereas my wife is
unable to do so. I don't know why.
Weirdly, my son is just like my wife and is incapable of doing even
the most basic things (would impale himself on a screwdriver) although
he is always Mr Popularity and he is an alien to me.
I do most of my sailing alone but I see other families sailing and
really want this to work for us. Unfortunately, I cannot count on my
wife and am actually much safer sailing alone or with the kids and
myself. Sailing with her is like sailing single handed but with one
arm tied behind me. I have tried getting her to sail small boats by
herself but she doesn't like them (surely a sign of something).
So, how do other sailors deal with sailing with an inept spouse when
it is clear that NOTHING will help the situation? Is this simply a
case of "Some people don't belong on boats"?

If she understood how she is putting others at risk (can you two
communicat?) and if she had other things to do (like socialize) why
would she insist upon taking the helm? Is she still putting everyone at
risk just sitting their enjoying the aesthetics? Why does she have to be
banned from the boat entirely?

Stephen

OTOH, she has her good qualities. On Saturday, she looked at the
tattered 20 yr old Bimini and said "You really ought to buy a new
one". How can you be too angry with a wife who APPROVES of you
spending money on the boat? OTOH, she then said "Then we could have
more friends sail with us because it would be more comfortable".
That's all I need, more people aboard to interfere with sailing and to
distract her when she insists on steering.

On 2008-02-12 19:29:20 -0500, said:

I lost patience with teaching her a long time ago.

I suspect this history is part of the problem....

My 21 yr old daughter is a biology major so is technical enough to
understand things

Here's a thought: Why not work up a mother-daughters sail/weekend? Just
Mom and the 21 year-old might be right, too, as for some reason I'm
thinking that the numbers of social interactions might be contributing,
and your daughter(s) may figure out better ways to get things across.

If you're needed to get in and out of the port, why not drag a MiniCup
along and you take off to someplace in it while they figure out the
ropes alone? Maybe put the 11 year-old in the other for the trip so she
can sharpen her skills. Or put Mom and the youngest in the big boat:
That might sharpen Mom's focus.

All these can be presented to Mom as "bonding", not instruction,
perhaps. I'd ask the kids which tack to take, though.

We all learn differently. I gave up teaching my wife navigation and
don't understand her reasoning when I ask, but she's sorta figured it
out on her own by studying the spare chart as we go along without any
input from me.

--
Jere Lull
Tanzer 28 #4 out of Tolchester, MD
Xan's pages: http://web.mac.com/jerelull/iWeb/Xan/
Our BVI trips & tips: http://homepage.mac.com/jerelull/BVI/

On 2008-02-12 19:29:20 -0500, said:

Weirdly, my son is just like my wife and is incapable of doing even the
most basic things (would impale himself on a screwdriver) although he
is always Mr Popularity and he is an alien to me.

Side issue: How's he doing? I've been wondering since we're hearing
about the girls for the first time and not him.

--
Jere Lull
Tanzer 28 #4 out of Tolchester, MD
Xan's pages: http://web.mac.com/jerelull/iWeb/Xan/
Our BVI trips & tips: http://homepage.mac.com/jerelull/BVI/

On Feb 12, 10:54 pm, Jere Lull wrote:
On 2008-02-12 19:29:20 -0500, said:

Weirdly, my son is just like my wife and is incapable of doing even the
most basic things (would impale himself on a screwdriver) although he
is always Mr Popularity and he is an alien to me.

Side issue: How's he doing? I've been wondering since we're hearing
about the girls for the first time and not him.

--
Jere Lull
Tanzer 28 #4 out of Tolchester, MD
Xan's pages:http://web.mac.com/jerelull/iWeb/Xan/
Our BVI trips & tips:http://homepage.mac.com/jerelull/BVI/

My son has sorta straightened out as he has gotten older, still not a
great student but he does have a job so I cant complain too much.
After our dad-son forced cruise a couple years ago after he got caught
with pot, he decided he didnt want to spend any more family time on
the boat. So, he works and hangs out with friends, fortunately a gf
had good effect on him. You know how those teen years are, hates
spending time with family. He used to love the MiniCups but now only
uses em if he can take a friend along. I sure wish I could figger a
way to connect with him but we seem to inhabit different universes.
It is really strange understanding my daughters but not my son.
I have decided my wife isnt really interested in sailing because she
wont take the Minicups out. She is really more interested in the
social aspect of sailing and the image of sailing.

On Sun, 10 Feb 2008 21:00:13 -0800 (PST),
wrote:

The throttle needs a careful touch to
keep from revving up too high.

Please explain.

Is the prop cavitating? Than can be cured. Other than cavitation
issues it should really not be necessary to baby the throttle.

On Sun, 10 Feb 2008 19:27:57 -0800 (PST),
wrote:

have come to the unfortunate conclusion that she simply
should not be on a boat. Oddly, my daughters seem to do very well.
Yes, I am responsible for what happens on my boat and part of that
responsibility is keeping the inept from hurting others.

She is going for the choice of get rid of the boat or rid of her.
Which one? Nobody who doesn't know you both has even a clue.
I hope it gets worked out before someone gets hurt.

Casady

On Tue, 12 Feb 2008 10:11:23 -0800 (PST), wrote:

ell, several issues here, not just emotional involvement. It's been
well demonstrated in *many* fields that rather few husbands can make a
success of teaching his wife a complex task.

When did helmsman get to be so complex?

Casady

On 2008-02-13 02:18:37 -0500, (Richard
Casady) said:

On Tue, 12 Feb 2008 10:11:23 -0800 (PST), wrote:

Well, several issues here, not just emotional involvement. It's been
well demonstrated in *many* fields that rather few husbands can make a
success of teaching his wife a complex task.

When did helmsman get to be so complex?

???? If it weren't complex, all the powerboaters would be doing it!

I think the problem is being able to concentrate on something that
seems to be doing so little.

--
Jere Lull
Tanzer 28 #4 out of Tolchester, MD
Xan's pages: http://web.mac.com/jerelull/iWeb/Xan/
Our BVI trips & tips: http://homepage.mac.com/jerelull/BVI/

wrote:
ell, several issues here, not just emotional involvement. It's been
well demonstrated in *many* fields that rather few husbands can make a
success of teaching his wife a complex task.

(Richard Casady) wrote:
When did helmsman get to be so complex?


Well, just steering the boat isn't really difficult or complex, but it
obviously is more difficult for some people than others

There is the complication of knowing what the helmsman is responsible
for. Just following a compass course, or steering towards a
recognizable point on shore, should be easy. However is the
helmsperson also responsible for watching the depthsounder and
avoiding shallows? Deciding when to tack? Most of the time for casual
sailing (at least in my experience), the helmsperson is assumed to be
the de-facto skipper of the moment, sort of like being officer of the
watch. If the helmsman is not also the owner and/or *real* skipper of
the vessel, then it's generally assumed that the helmsperson is
supposed to monitor the ongoing situation of the vessel (shallows,
wind & weather, other vessels) and call the owner/real-skipper when
difficulties are arising.

If you think this is easy, then I would like to come sailing with you
and learn how!

Fresh Breezes- Doug King