David,

I feel your pain.Have you ever taken your wife in for a mental evaluation?
It is possible that she may suffer from some degree of attention deficit
disorder. No amount of instruction, hand holding and the like will ever
overcome the unlimited fustration and havoc she causes. It is very possible
that she excels at some things but fails miserably at others. Understanding
ADD will help you to accept the things you can't change and even more
important to know what to expect and how to avoid situations altogether.
Your goal in life should be your happiness first and the happiness of your
family comes second. You can't make your wife happy just like you can't make
her understand things. She just doesn't have the capacity for that. The fact
that you get along well with your daughters points the finger of blame
squarely at your wife. Drop her some hints such as ot taking her sailing,
excluding her from family activities, etc and soom she will realize that you
are serious. Get her to go to a mental health professional for evaluation,
not an MD. Meet with the professional beforehand to fill him in on the
problems and to check out the person. Many in the mental health profession
have no mental health themselves and are champions of those with arrested
development. Find the underlying causes and then you can treat the disease.

Ron