My dad says the best way to catch a monkey.....

Tie a bunch of fruit too high to reach but leave a ladder under it then let
in 5-10 monkeys. Whenever they start up the ladder hit them with a fire
hose! When they quit trying replace one monkey. When the new monk goes for
the fruit hose him off the ladder then hose the rest down too. Repeat with
another monkey. Soon the old monkeys will not let a new one near the ladder.
Each day replce the oldest monkey till no monkey has ever been hosed. The
older ones will still beat the crap out of any newcomer who heads for the
fruit even tho none of them have ever been hosed. Just like some people we
know .....