"JohnH" wrote in message
...


Sounds like your dad has a very controlling personality, almost as bad
as my wife. It also sounds as though you have developed coping
mechanisms, as I have with my wife. Just be glad you don't have to
live with your dad!

I know that this is a psychological disorder, and can probably be
helped with therapy. However, controlling personality types don't
(obviously) like anyone suggesting they go to therapy. I don't know
what the solution is.

John H

The solution is to shock them, John. Buckets of cold water over their
heads.


That sounds like a plan. Let me know after you've done your dad. Then
maybe I'll give it a shot.

It's working. The other night, he said "Sometimes after we talk on the
phone, I can't speak for an hour".

This is a guy who, a year ago, said something so insulting to me that I hung
up on him. He called back, I told him I was insulted, and (sit down & get
ready for this), he said "Listen, mister! I have every right to insult you!"

Uh huh. Right.

"Dave Hall" wrote in message
...
On Sat, 06 Nov 2004 16:41:23 GMT, "Doug Kanter"
wrote:


"DSK" wrote in message
. ..
Doug Kanter wrote:
.... But, my dad has a thing about
control, and the rest of the family has decided he needs to be ground
down a
bit with a very coarse rasp. Otherwise, there's no living with him.

Same here. In some cases, the "coarse rasp" can be making it obvious
that you will not interact in any way shape or form, until the
behaviour
improves. It's hard to be a control freak when people ignore you.

DSK


I should elaborate. You'll love this.

Had to fly to Long Island Wednesday and return yesterday. I had a social
engagement at 6:30 PM last night, so in order to get home in time, I had
to
take a 6:00 AM flight out of LI. That's 5:00 AM arrival at the airport,
had
to leave the hotel by 4:15, which meant waking up a little after 3:00 AM.

Last week, I called the hotel to inquire as to the odds of finding a cab
at
that hour. They said "We can usually get one". OK. Called my dad who said
"We haven't figured out who's gonna take you to the airport yet.....".
Hung
up. Thought about it for the rest of the day. Realized that the social
engagement would include a spectacular dinner & drinks. Found I could
rent a
car from Budget for $88 plus tax, which to me was the right price for the
dinner & drinks. An insurance policy of sorts, to eliminate all variables
from my ride to the airport, except for the rental car breaking down.

Called dad, told him I was renting a car on MY DIME. He went ballistic -
something like "Who the hell do you think you are making decisions like
that? I'm running a company here, and employees do NOT take it upon
themselves to make decisions like that!!!" My responses included:

1) It's not a problem. You just THINK it is, and THAT'S the problem. You
just need to get over it.

2) It's in the same category as which suitcase I choose to bring, and
which
clothing. Do you have any preferences about these things?

3) You control people, which is insulting. I control situations by
manipulating time, objects and information. Nobody's insulted that way.

Anyway....he never got over it, but at least he dropped the subject of
the
rental car.

Thursday afternoon, 5:00 PM, he tells me my sister and her family are
coming
to the office at 6:15 and we're all going out to dinner, and that he'll
be
in a meeting till 6:00. My work was done, so I said "OK...I'm going back
to
the hotel to wash up & change into warmer clothes. I'll be back here by
6:10".

This was not in his plans, so again, he twisted himself into knots and
said
"I expect you to wait here until then...." or some such crap. I asked
why,
in case there was a valid business reason. He said "Because when the
other
salespeople come in from around the country, that's what THEY do!" I
calmly
explained that because I was the only one there, there was no sensible
reason for it. He just shook his head & went back to his meeting. Outside
the restaurant, he took me aside to explain what a horrible thing I'd
done.
I suggested that if he needed to control everyone's actions, perhaps a
dog
would be a good thing to have. Dinner was great, though paradoxical.
Usually, he gives perfectly good waiters & waitresses a hard time over
nothing. That night, the waitress was an incompetent slug. The manager
came
over to take away appetizer plates. Dad says "That's a great waitress
you've
got there". The manager says "Well, she's been in this industry for
almost
10 years". Dad says "It certainly shows".

Life's weird.



Ah, so you're a beneficiary of nepotism. That explains allot.

You can always tell dad to take this job and shove it, if his iron
hand bothers you so much. But something tells me you won't.....


Dave

You're right, Dave. What's satisfying about the job is:

1) I don't have to deal with him very much, and the rest of the people are a
gas to work with.
2) Part of my job involves creating sanity from chaos with regard to their
information systems.

But, I have a year or two left. I need to be challenged more.

"Harry Krause" wrote in message
...
Doug Kanter wrote:
"Wayne.B" wrote in message
...
On Mon, 08 Nov 2004 12:46:42 GMT, "Doug Kanter"
wrote:

The native Americans saw
divinity everywhere, and "state enforcement"??? How do you connect
that
idea
with their spiritual beliefs???

===========================

Two unrelated thoughts, should have been a new paragraph. My bad.


OK.

Meanwhile, I had a long discussion with a hydrangea yesterday. Not sure
if
the two Molsons were in any way connected with the experience.



What color blossoms?

The hydrangeas (3 of them) were very badly cared for by the previous owner.
All the flowers were very pale green. Normally, if the soil's not acidic
enough, you'll get pink instead of blue, but these were so far gone, they
were green. I won't know until next year what their real variety is. Just
got a new cell phone, but I couldn't afford the one with the DNA analysis
probe.

On Mon, 08 Nov 2004 09:38:57 -0500, Harry Krause
wrote:

I had been taught that there was no place for religion in
the public schools.

========================

And we hold these truths to be self evident...

"John Gaquin" wrote in message
...

"Gould 0738" wrote in message

You may think you live in an "overwhelmingly Christian nation." Even if
you do,
one of the reasons generations of immigrants came to this country was a
freedom
to practice the religion of their choice.

On reflection, I will acknowledge a misuse of the word 'Christian' in my
original post, wherein I should have stated simply "...Enough of those who
would prohibit a simple prayer at the start of
the school day...".

The Constitution proscribes the suppression of religion with equal zeal.



Fine, but if the tables were turned and Christian kids were told that each
morning, they were to recite something from the Quran, they'd be equally
annoyed. At some point, everyone needs to take personal responsibility for
their bull**** ideas, and stop pointing to bibles and constitutions as an
excuse.

"Gould 0738" wrote in message

You may think you live in an "overwhelmingly Christian nation." Even if
you do,
one of the reasons generations of immigrants came to this country was a
freedom
to practice the religion of their choice.

On reflection, I will acknowledge a misuse of the word 'Christian' in my
original post, wherein I should have stated simply "...Enough of those who
would prohibit a simple prayer at the start of
the school day...".

The Constitution proscribes the suppression of religion with equal zeal.

On Mon, 08 Nov 2004 10:59:07 -0500, Harry Krause
wrote:

Sorry, but if I were a Jewish or Buddhist kid, and a Christian prayer
werre recited aloud each morning in my public school, I'd be mightily
offended. Recitation of that prayer is practicing religion in a public
facility. And that is not permitted under the separation clause

I can think of plenty of Christian type folks who have no use for the
Christian fundi types who are pushing their views.

bb

On Mon, 08 Nov 2004 09:05:08 -0500, Dave Hall wrote:


They had their reasons back then. They were concerned about espionage.
When viewed through the filter of time, it looks like an indefensible
action. But at the time, it was a reasonable thing to do considering the
circumstances.

Of course, the idea was to learn from history, not judge history. We are
a good people, who have occasionally done bad things. Japanese internment
was a bad thing.

The Constitution proscribes the suppression of religion with equal zeal.



Agreed. You should be able to start any sort of church you like, and nobody
should be compelled to attend it.

"Gould 0738" wrote in message
...
The Constitution proscribes the suppression of religion with equal zeal.



Agreed. You should be able to start any sort of church you like, and
nobody
should be compelled to attend it.

I'm starting a church centered around fishing and pussy. Sorry to mention
the two in the same clause, but that's my plan and I'm sticking to it.