"DSK" wrote in message
.. .
Doug Kanter wrote:
.... But, my dad has a thing about
control, and the rest of the family has decided he needs to be ground
down a
bit with a very coarse rasp. Otherwise, there's no living with him.

Same here. In some cases, the "coarse rasp" can be making it obvious
that you will not interact in any way shape or form, until the behaviour
improves. It's hard to be a control freak when people ignore you.

DSK


I should elaborate. You'll love this.

Had to fly to Long Island Wednesday and return yesterday. I had a social
engagement at 6:30 PM last night, so in order to get home in time, I had to
take a 6:00 AM flight out of LI. That's 5:00 AM arrival at the airport, had
to leave the hotel by 4:15, which meant waking up a little after 3:00 AM.

Last week, I called the hotel to inquire as to the odds of finding a cab at
that hour. They said "We can usually get one". OK. Called my dad who said
"We haven't figured out who's gonna take you to the airport yet.....". Hung
up. Thought about it for the rest of the day. Realized that the social
engagement would include a spectacular dinner & drinks. Found I could rent a
car from Budget for $88 plus tax, which to me was the right price for the
dinner & drinks. An insurance policy of sorts, to eliminate all variables
from my ride to the airport, except for the rental car breaking down.

Called dad, told him I was renting a car on MY DIME. He went ballistic -
something like "Who the hell do you think you are making decisions like
that? I'm running a company here, and employees do NOT take it upon
themselves to make decisions like that!!!" My responses included:

1) It's not a problem. You just THINK it is, and THAT'S the problem. You
just need to get over it.

2) It's in the same category as which suitcase I choose to bring, and which
clothing. Do you have any preferences about these things?

3) You control people, which is insulting. I control situations by
manipulating time, objects and information. Nobody's insulted that way.

Anyway....he never got over it, but at least he dropped the subject of the
rental car.

Thursday afternoon, 5:00 PM, he tells me my sister and her family are coming
to the office at 6:15 and we're all going out to dinner, and that he'll be
in a meeting till 6:00. My work was done, so I said "OK...I'm going back to
the hotel to wash up & change into warmer clothes. I'll be back here by
6:10".

This was not in his plans, so again, he twisted himself into knots and said
"I expect you to wait here until then...." or some such crap. I asked why,
in case there was a valid business reason. He said "Because when the other
salespeople come in from around the country, that's what THEY do!" I calmly
explained that because I was the only one there, there was no sensible
reason for it. He just shook his head & went back to his meeting. Outside
the restaurant, he took me aside to explain what a horrible thing I'd done.
I suggested that if he needed to control everyone's actions, perhaps a dog
would be a good thing to have. Dinner was great, though paradoxical.
Usually, he gives perfectly good waiters & waitresses a hard time over
nothing. That night, the waitress was an incompetent slug. The manager came
over to take away appetizer plates. Dad says "That's a great waitress you've
got there". The manager says "Well, she's been in this industry for almost
10 years". Dad says "It certainly shows".

Life's weird.

On Sat, 06 Nov 2004 16:41:23 GMT, "Doug Kanter"
wrote:


"DSK" wrote in message
. ..
Doug Kanter wrote:
.... But, my dad has a thing about
control, and the rest of the family has decided he needs to be ground
down a
bit with a very coarse rasp. Otherwise, there's no living with him.

Same here. In some cases, the "coarse rasp" can be making it obvious
that you will not interact in any way shape or form, until the behaviour
improves. It's hard to be a control freak when people ignore you.

DSK


I should elaborate. You'll love this.

Had to fly to Long Island Wednesday and return yesterday. I had a social
engagement at 6:30 PM last night, so in order to get home in time, I had to
take a 6:00 AM flight out of LI. That's 5:00 AM arrival at the airport, had
to leave the hotel by 4:15, which meant waking up a little after 3:00 AM.

Last week, I called the hotel to inquire as to the odds of finding a cab at
that hour. They said "We can usually get one". OK. Called my dad who said
"We haven't figured out who's gonna take you to the airport yet.....". Hung
up. Thought about it for the rest of the day. Realized that the social
engagement would include a spectacular dinner & drinks. Found I could rent a
car from Budget for $88 plus tax, which to me was the right price for the
dinner & drinks. An insurance policy of sorts, to eliminate all variables
from my ride to the airport, except for the rental car breaking down.

Called dad, told him I was renting a car on MY DIME. He went ballistic -
something like "Who the hell do you think you are making decisions like
that? I'm running a company here, and employees do NOT take it upon
themselves to make decisions like that!!!" My responses included:

1) It's not a problem. You just THINK it is, and THAT'S the problem. You
just need to get over it.

2) It's in the same category as which suitcase I choose to bring, and which
clothing. Do you have any preferences about these things?

3) You control people, which is insulting. I control situations by
manipulating time, objects and information. Nobody's insulted that way.

Anyway....he never got over it, but at least he dropped the subject of the
rental car.

Thursday afternoon, 5:00 PM, he tells me my sister and her family are coming
to the office at 6:15 and we're all going out to dinner, and that he'll be
in a meeting till 6:00. My work was done, so I said "OK...I'm going back to
the hotel to wash up & change into warmer clothes. I'll be back here by
6:10".

This was not in his plans, so again, he twisted himself into knots and said
"I expect you to wait here until then...." or some such crap. I asked why,
in case there was a valid business reason. He said "Because when the other
salespeople come in from around the country, that's what THEY do!" I calmly
explained that because I was the only one there, there was no sensible
reason for it. He just shook his head & went back to his meeting. Outside
the restaurant, he took me aside to explain what a horrible thing I'd done.
I suggested that if he needed to control everyone's actions, perhaps a dog
would be a good thing to have. Dinner was great, though paradoxical.
Usually, he gives perfectly good waiters & waitresses a hard time over
nothing. That night, the waitress was an incompetent slug. The manager came
over to take away appetizer plates. Dad says "That's a great waitress you've
got there". The manager says "Well, she's been in this industry for almost
10 years". Dad says "It certainly shows".

Life's weird.


That is an interesting story. Sounds like your Dad is a pretty tough and
good man. I wish my kid's would have gone into engineering so they could
work for me. I guess I would probably be tougher on them than any of my
other employees just like your Dad is tough on you.

Bless you both.



Regards
John S

Kerry shot his goose in Ohio and had it cooked there too!

Why is it not surprising that you have problems with all kinds of
relationships in your life?

I'd say you were a problem child and that there is more uncomplimentary
family history concerning yourself which is not being told, and which
has not yet been resolved.

-- Charlie


Doug Kanter wrote:

I should elaborate. You'll love this.

Had to fly to Long Island Wednesday and return yesterday. I had a social
engagement at 6:30 PM last night, so in order to get home in time, I had to
take a 6:00 AM flight out of LI. That's 5:00 AM arrival at the airport, had
to leave the hotel by 4:15, which meant waking up a little after 3:00 AM.

Last week, I called the hotel to inquire as to the odds of finding a cab at
that hour. They said "We can usually get one". OK. Called my dad who said
"We haven't figured out who's gonna take you to the airport yet.....". Hung
up. Thought about it for the rest of the day. Realized that the social
engagement would include a spectacular dinner & drinks. Found I could rent a
car from Budget for $88 plus tax, which to me was the right price for the
dinner & drinks. An insurance policy of sorts, to eliminate all variables
from my ride to the airport, except for the rental car breaking down.

Called dad, told him I was renting a car on MY DIME. He went ballistic -
something like "Who the hell do you think you are making decisions like
that? I'm running a company here, and employees do NOT take it upon
themselves to make decisions like that!!!" My responses included:

1) It's not a problem. You just THINK it is, and THAT'S the problem. You
just need to get over it.

2) It's in the same category as which suitcase I choose to bring, and which
clothing. Do you have any preferences about these things?

3) You control people, which is insulting. I control situations by
manipulating time, objects and information. Nobody's insulted that way.

Anyway....he never got over it, but at least he dropped the subject of the
rental car.

Thursday afternoon, 5:00 PM, he tells me my sister and her family are coming
to the office at 6:15 and we're all going out to dinner, and that he'll be
in a meeting till 6:00. My work was done, so I said "OK...I'm going back to
the hotel to wash up & change into warmer clothes. I'll be back here by
6:10".

This was not in his plans, so again, he twisted himself into knots and said
"I expect you to wait here until then...." or some such crap. I asked why,
in case there was a valid business reason. He said "Because when the other
salespeople come in from around the country, that's what THEY do!" I calmly
explained that because I was the only one there, there was no sensible
reason for it. He just shook his head & went back to his meeting. Outside
the restaurant, he took me aside to explain what a horrible thing I'd done.
I suggested that if he needed to control everyone's actions, perhaps a dog
would be a good thing to have. Dinner was great, though paradoxical.
Usually, he gives perfectly good waiters & waitresses a hard time over
nothing. That night, the waitress was an incompetent slug. The manager came
over to take away appetizer plates. Dad says "That's a great waitress you've
got there". The manager says "Well, she's been in this industry for almost
10 years". Dad says "It certainly shows".

Life's weird.

On Sat, 06 Nov 2004 16:41:23 GMT, "Doug Kanter"
wrote:


"DSK" wrote in message
. ..
Doug Kanter wrote:
.... But, my dad has a thing about
control, and the rest of the family has decided he needs to be ground
down a
bit with a very coarse rasp. Otherwise, there's no living with him.

Same here. In some cases, the "coarse rasp" can be making it obvious
that you will not interact in any way shape or form, until the behaviour
improves. It's hard to be a control freak when people ignore you.

DSK


I should elaborate. You'll love this.

Had to fly to Long Island Wednesday and return yesterday. I had a social
engagement at 6:30 PM last night, so in order to get home in time, I had to
take a 6:00 AM flight out of LI. That's 5:00 AM arrival at the airport, had
to leave the hotel by 4:15, which meant waking up a little after 3:00 AM.

Last week, I called the hotel to inquire as to the odds of finding a cab at
that hour. They said "We can usually get one". OK. Called my dad who said
"We haven't figured out who's gonna take you to the airport yet.....". Hung
up. Thought about it for the rest of the day. Realized that the social
engagement would include a spectacular dinner & drinks. Found I could rent a
car from Budget for $88 plus tax, which to me was the right price for the
dinner & drinks. An insurance policy of sorts, to eliminate all variables
from my ride to the airport, except for the rental car breaking down.

Called dad, told him I was renting a car on MY DIME. He went ballistic -
something like "Who the hell do you think you are making decisions like
that? I'm running a company here, and employees do NOT take it upon
themselves to make decisions like that!!!" My responses included:

1) It's not a problem. You just THINK it is, and THAT'S the problem. You
just need to get over it.

2) It's in the same category as which suitcase I choose to bring, and which
clothing. Do you have any preferences about these things?

3) You control people, which is insulting. I control situations by
manipulating time, objects and information. Nobody's insulted that way.

Anyway....he never got over it, but at least he dropped the subject of the
rental car.

Thursday afternoon, 5:00 PM, he tells me my sister and her family are coming
to the office at 6:15 and we're all going out to dinner, and that he'll be
in a meeting till 6:00. My work was done, so I said "OK...I'm going back to
the hotel to wash up & change into warmer clothes. I'll be back here by
6:10".

This was not in his plans, so again, he twisted himself into knots and said
"I expect you to wait here until then...." or some such crap. I asked why,
in case there was a valid business reason. He said "Because when the other
salespeople come in from around the country, that's what THEY do!" I calmly
explained that because I was the only one there, there was no sensible
reason for it. He just shook his head & went back to his meeting. Outside
the restaurant, he took me aside to explain what a horrible thing I'd done.
I suggested that if he needed to control everyone's actions, perhaps a dog
would be a good thing to have. Dinner was great, though paradoxical.
Usually, he gives perfectly good waiters & waitresses a hard time over
nothing. That night, the waitress was an incompetent slug. The manager came
over to take away appetizer plates. Dad says "That's a great waitress you've
got there". The manager says "Well, she's been in this industry for almost
10 years". Dad says "It certainly shows".

Life's weird.


Sounds like your dad has a very controlling personality, almost as bad
as my wife. It also sounds as though you have developed coping
mechanisms, as I have with my wife. Just be glad you don't have to
live with your dad!

I know that this is a psychological disorder, and can probably be
helped with therapy. However, controlling personality types don't
(obviously) like anyone suggesting they go to therapy. I don't know
what the solution is.

John H

On the 'PocoLoco' out of Deale, MD,
on the beautiful Chesapeake Bay!

On Sat, 06 Nov 2004 16:41:23 GMT, "Doug Kanter"
wrote:


"DSK" wrote in message
. ..
Doug Kanter wrote:
.... But, my dad has a thing about
control, and the rest of the family has decided he needs to be ground
down a
bit with a very coarse rasp. Otherwise, there's no living with him.

Same here. In some cases, the "coarse rasp" can be making it obvious
that you will not interact in any way shape or form, until the behaviour
improves. It's hard to be a control freak when people ignore you.

DSK


I should elaborate. You'll love this.

Had to fly to Long Island Wednesday and return yesterday. I had a social
engagement at 6:30 PM last night, so in order to get home in time, I had to
take a 6:00 AM flight out of LI. That's 5:00 AM arrival at the airport, had
to leave the hotel by 4:15, which meant waking up a little after 3:00 AM.

Last week, I called the hotel to inquire as to the odds of finding a cab at
that hour. They said "We can usually get one". OK. Called my dad who said
"We haven't figured out who's gonna take you to the airport yet.....". Hung
up. Thought about it for the rest of the day. Realized that the social
engagement would include a spectacular dinner & drinks. Found I could rent a
car from Budget for $88 plus tax, which to me was the right price for the
dinner & drinks. An insurance policy of sorts, to eliminate all variables
from my ride to the airport, except for the rental car breaking down.

Called dad, told him I was renting a car on MY DIME. He went ballistic -
something like "Who the hell do you think you are making decisions like
that? I'm running a company here, and employees do NOT take it upon
themselves to make decisions like that!!!" My responses included:

1) It's not a problem. You just THINK it is, and THAT'S the problem. You
just need to get over it.

2) It's in the same category as which suitcase I choose to bring, and which
clothing. Do you have any preferences about these things?

3) You control people, which is insulting. I control situations by
manipulating time, objects and information. Nobody's insulted that way.

Anyway....he never got over it, but at least he dropped the subject of the
rental car.

Thursday afternoon, 5:00 PM, he tells me my sister and her family are coming
to the office at 6:15 and we're all going out to dinner, and that he'll be
in a meeting till 6:00. My work was done, so I said "OK...I'm going back to
the hotel to wash up & change into warmer clothes. I'll be back here by
6:10".

This was not in his plans, so again, he twisted himself into knots and said
"I expect you to wait here until then...." or some such crap. I asked why,
in case there was a valid business reason. He said "Because when the other
salespeople come in from around the country, that's what THEY do!" I calmly
explained that because I was the only one there, there was no sensible
reason for it. He just shook his head & went back to his meeting. Outside
the restaurant, he took me aside to explain what a horrible thing I'd done.
I suggested that if he needed to control everyone's actions, perhaps a dog
would be a good thing to have. Dinner was great, though paradoxical.
Usually, he gives perfectly good waiters & waitresses a hard time over
nothing. That night, the waitress was an incompetent slug. The manager came
over to take away appetizer plates. Dad says "That's a great waitress you've
got there". The manager says "Well, she's been in this industry for almost
10 years". Dad says "It certainly shows".

Life's weird.



Ah, so you're a beneficiary of nepotism. That explains allot.

You can always tell dad to take this job and shove it, if his iron
hand bothers you so much. But something tells me you won't.....


Dave

On Sat, 06 Nov 2004 16:41:23 GMT, "Doug Kanter"
wrote:

~~ snippage ~~

Life's weird.

Next time you are out my way, drop me a line.

All the best,

Tom
--------------

"What the hell's the deal with this newsgroup...
is there a computer terminal in the day room of
some looney bin somewhere?"

Bilgeman - circa 2004

"Dave Hall" wrote in message
...


How you can group all Muslims is laughable not to mention ignorant.

Not all Muslims are terrorists. But the majority of the recent
terrorists that we're fighting now are Muslims. To deny the influence
of that faith on their actions, is being ignorant.

Stumped by set theory in junior high school?

On Fri, 05 Nov 2004 02:05:31 GMT, "Doug Kanter"
wrote:

"Dave Hall" wrote in message
.. .


How you can group all Muslims is laughable not to mention ignorant.

Not all Muslims are terrorists. But the majority of the recent
terrorists that we're fighting now are Muslims. To deny the influence
of that faith on their actions, is being ignorant.

Stumped by set theory in junior high school?


Huh?

Dave

"Dave Hall" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 05 Nov 2004 02:05:31 GMT, "Doug Kanter"
wrote:

"Dave Hall" wrote in message
.. .


How you can group all Muslims is laughable not to mention ignorant.

Not all Muslims are terrorists. But the majority of the recent
terrorists that we're fighting now are Muslims. To deny the influence
of that faith on their actions, is being ignorant.

Stumped by set theory in junior high school?


Huh?

Dave


Just as I thought. Go sit in the corner and drink your chocolate milk,
child.

On Fri, 05 Nov 2004 18:34:51 GMT, "Doug Kanter"
wrote:


"Dave Hall" wrote in message
.. .
On Fri, 05 Nov 2004 02:05:31 GMT, "Doug Kanter"
wrote:

"Dave Hall" wrote in message
.. .


How you can group all Muslims is laughable not to mention ignorant.

Not all Muslims are terrorists. But the majority of the recent
terrorists that we're fighting now are Muslims. To deny the influence
of that faith on their actions, is being ignorant.

Stumped by set theory in junior high school?

Huh?

Just as I thought. Go sit in the corner and drink your chocolate milk,
child.

That wasn't fair Doug. :)

All the best,

Tom
--------------

"What the hell's the deal with this newsgroup...
is there a computer terminal in the day room of
some looney bin somewhere?"

Bilgeman - circa 2004