KMAN:
============
But there's something better than what I might have to say, and that is
a
fellow named David (Dave) Hingsburger. Another name is Dick Sobsey. Two
Canadians at the top of their field when it comes to people with
intellectual disabilities and issues ranging from schooling to
self-advocacy
to sexuality. I had the pleasure of spending a few days with Dave and
his
insights just blew me away.
===========

Well, I have to say, your insights in this area blow me away.

Thanks.

frtzw906

in article , BCITORGB at
wrote on 4/6/05 12:22 AM:

KMAN:
============
But there's something better than what I might have to say, and that is
a
fellow named David (Dave) Hingsburger. Another name is Dick Sobsey. Two
Canadians at the top of their field when it comes to people with
intellectual disabilities and issues ranging from schooling to
self-advocacy
to sexuality. I had the pleasure of spending a few days with Dave and
his
insights just blew me away.
===========

Well, I have to say, your insights in this area blow me away.

Thanks.

frtzw906

Thanks, that's really nice. You must have a pretty open mind because I'm not
sure some of the stuff I am saying is exactly what you might have had in
your own mind before this thread warped into this, but you really seem open
to some of the perspectives introduced (or maybe they aren't new to you at
all, my apologies if so).

I've been involved with people with intellectual disabilities and their
family members (and teachers and the rest) off and on for the last 20 years
(totally "on" for the last 8 years and possibly the rest of my life) and I
can't believe how much they have taught me. My wife gets most of the credit
though for helping me mature beyond the superhero/macho approach to solving
problems and learning the real difference between supporting someone and
making their decisions for them.

I remember how my view on "helping" used to be "Listen to what they say the
problem is, and then tell them how to solve it." Man, what a power trip! All
well intentioned of course, but so, so wrong. And so, so dangerous a message
to send..."You are incapable of making your own decisions and choices, so
put your trust and give authority to others for those choices and
decisions."

No wonder people with intellectual disabilities suffer abuse at rates that
seem statistically impossible...it's because society actually trains them to
be victims. And you know the sad part? People who truly care about them are
usually the ones who unwittingly do the training! I should know, I used to
be one of them. And I'm not perfect now, but I am aware, actively aware, of
the extreme power imbalance that is in play and how I must challenge myself
every minute not to misuse it.

As per the typical school system approach (haven't been part of that system
for more than 10 years) or what they teach in college in "developmental
service worker" programs, I thought I was doing "behaviour modification"
which is better described as "I will take away your power and show you who
is boss. Even though I am doing this because I think I am helping you be
'normal' what I am really doing is teaching you to be powerless so that you
are ready to be abused by another authority figure who will use your learned
powerlessness to their sick advantage."

Supporting someone the "right way" takes a helluva lot longer than the power
trip techinique, but although both techniques might look like they result in
the same outcome, that is not the case. The right way is about supporting
the individual to establish goals and make choices and decisions to realize
those goals. This includes the right to make a bad choice or decision (a
right that non-disabled people have and use daily!) and get support to learn
from it.

Can you imagine feeling so powerless and anxious about decision-making that
as a 20 year old adult you were incapable of choosing between sitting in a
green chair or a black chair (these are identical chairs other than colour)
and that a refusal from others to make the decision for you would result in
an emotional breakdown?

Well, that's actually a pretty common phenomenon, and that very situation is
something I have seen with my own eyes. And this is a person that was
surrounded with loving, caring, well-intentioned people. People who somehow
trained her to be that way, and had the school system as an accomplice (yes,
she was "mainstreamed" by the way).

Helping someone crawl out of such a deep dark hole of powerlessness can take
years or even decades, and the results come slowly and sometimes almost
indescernably, but I find those little bits of progress are like home runs
or touchdowns if you look it at from the perspective of where the person is
coming from.