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#11
posted to rec.boats.cruising
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Skip's Angst
On Sun, 18 Nov 2007 13:33:35 -0800 (PST), Skip Gundlach
wrote: Thanks, you all, for your public and private concerns. As always, stay tuned... Skip, two observations: - It's always coldest just before the dawn. - Head south young man, head south. The tropics await you. :-) |
#12
posted to rec.boats.cruising
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Skip's Angst
Skip,
I write this in all seriousness. You readily admit to your shortcomings as a sailor, and truthfully, I will not dispute you on that point. You are not the first to be long on dreams yet come up short on experience. What is equally apparent is your talent as a writer. Your tale has enchanted and infuriated myself along with a good portion of this newsgroup. Perhaps you have hitched your dreams to the wrong horse. The bookshelves are laden with identical tales of sun filled circumnavigations. Your tale speaks to all who struggle and in the struggle rather than the success must find their victory. Stop giving it away. You have a book in you and that is more than any fool on this newsgroup can say. Tie up somewhere, plug into the shore current and finish your voyage. Regards from one who has successfully failed his way into an pretty good life, Dennis S/V Dark Lady CN35-207 "Skip Gundlach" wrote in message ... Skip's angst... TMI warning: This is long and personal, so if you're not one of the interested parties relating to my post about being becalmed, bothered and bewildered, you can skip this without missing anything. A side note, I LOLd at 12* BTDC. Thank you for bringing a smile to my face... Thank you all for being concerned about me (and by implication, Lydia). I really have nobody to talk to about this, and - of course, having been taken to task by legions here for my candor (Lydia would call it lack of boundaries, being entirely too open and accepting - and non-judgmental - which has a huge component in how I got to where I am right this minute), I have some reservations about "sharing" in the AA or "dot A" (any other flavor of the same self-help groups) sense. None the less, my shortcomings as a sailor, cruiser, and any other you may care to identify have not ever been something I'm shy about admitting, in the hopes that I might learn from others smarter than I. So, let's start with what it isn't. It isn't that I think I (or we) made the wrong decision. I've never looked back, and was very actively looking forward to our life aboard. There have been many moments in the last two weeks where that has faltered, on which more below - but it had nothing to do with the decision to go forward. I'm also not (at least at this time) directly thinking about having blown it and giving up the boat - nor giving up Lydia. Nor is Lydia thinking her equivalents. It isn't health in the sense that many of you speculate, but it is definitely health related. Neither of us has little microbes, clots or other impedimenta, though there is definitely fertile ground for cells gone wild. The entire details of that won't be disclosed for some time, when the others are ready for it to come out. It has a great deal of my attention at the moment, however. This isn't the only place where that post appeared; I put it on several forums as well as my log list (the people who've asked for me to mail my postings, which gets the postings you see with date titles) and a couple of cruising related mail lists. Some have observed that I seemed like I was down; one said I sounded depressed. I am indeed depressed. TMI warning: I have chronic major depression, which I've managed for many years, but at one time was 2x weekly therapied, daily medicated and managed not to kill myself over my perceived shortcomings. Due to current circumstance, I'm currently in a failed remission, for lack of a better phrase, and it colors my thinking and writing and, indeed, my life. That it's strictly situational has prevented me from taking medical or other measures beyond my own coping skills (I went to grad school on that one, so to speak, and am reasonably good at it). One of the symptoms of depression is the lack of interest in anything which used to be pleasurable. That's happening. I vacillate between turning into a hermit (can I live on the pittance I have coming in if I have to get a land side place, however simple and remote?) (because I have no more interest in the boat, among other things which used to give me pleasure), stepping off the transom one night under way (no, I won't - I'm not that strong) to kill the pain, not having any enthusiasm for the new sails which are on the way nor any of the myriad of little chores which always accumulate on the boat (but going through the motions, anyway, because I know I'll feel differently at some point and would regret not doing it in retrospect), and all the other things that depression engenders/spawns. And, I also know that what's going on isn't the end of the world. It's just that it's - irrevocably - changed it. From someone who's lived through something else of perhaps more significance, as one of my off-list correspondents pointed out, what I'm going through right now is chump change emotionally. It's just that I was totally blindsided, and the realities just keep getting worse, and I've not yet worked out my coping mechanisms. I'm very good at blaming myself for allowing it to happen, too, so "Angry Bob" (the cartoon literature character by Rat in Pearls Before Swine) has nothing on me at the moment. And, since it involves others, until there is permission to discuss it, I'll not directly say what dragon it is I'm fighting. The dragon may well win and have the kingdom. Or, I may succeed in stuffing the dragon in the far pasture where I don't have to see it, and can only smell it and see its effect on my subjects (metaphorically speaking, of course), but turn a blind eye. Or, the dragon may eventually die a peaceful death, and I can get on with "only" having to deal with the destruction wrought while it was here... I know that's not a very satisfactory answer to the questions on your minds. It's the best I can do right now. But we have no doubts about our chosen course, and wouldn't go back to our old lives on a bet. And finally, just in case you all didn't know, I love the community here, even the flamers and shovers, for I recognize them for what they are. I long ago got a crispy crust fighting other dragons, and am not injured. Sometimes it's even fun to joust, but mostly I just enjoy the heat :{)) Thanks, you all, for your public and private concerns. As always, stay tuned... L8R Skip Morgan 461 #2 SV Flying Pig KI4MPC See our galleries at www.justpickone.org/skip/gallery ! Follow us at http://groups.google.com/group/flyingpiglog and/or http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheFlyingPigLog "You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it however." (and) "There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts." (Richard Bach, in The Reluctant Messiah) |
#13
posted to rec.boats.cruising
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Skip's Angst
On Mon, 19 Nov 2007 00:43:34 -0400, "Don White"
wrote: "Brian Whatcott" wrote in message .. . On Sun, 18 Nov 2007 17:51:04 -0500, "Roger Long" wrote: ... I bet a friend once that I could ride it with my hands crossed. I did but he refused to pay up because he said it had to be longer than 1/2 second before crashing to count as riding. I tried that once, and lasted about as long. Brian Whatcott Altus OK I used to be able to ride my CCM down a pretty good grade on a city street and turn the corner at the bottom... without hands! ( coaster brakes) Hands off, no problem? Don't try crossed hands! :-) Brian W |
#14
posted to rec.boats.cruising
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Skip's Angst
Thanks to all to whom the thanks would be obviously directed. The rest
of you can go **** yourselves (Bob, you're not among them, but now you know what it takes to get me to say that). For any of those who may actually have an interest in what's happening rather than just wasting bandwidth on the local ****wit's issues, Lydia has given me direction (much more than permission) to talk about it. I'll do so - if I think there's any sincerity (my apologies to those who I already know are, indeed) in the communication - to all who care to correspond with me offlist. And, as I'm not really given to melodrama, it will take me a little while to compose my thoughts so they don't take orders of magnitude more space than my usual postings here, so please forgive me if you've already made this contact and I've not yet come back to you. I don't think my information is hidden, as I've gotten some private mail on the subject, but in case there's any doubt, you can find me at skipgundlach at gmail.com. We now return you to your regular programming. L8R Skip Morgan 461 #2 SV Flying Pig KI4MPC See our galleries at www.justpickone.org/skip/gallery ! Follow us at http://groups.google.com/group/flyingpiglog and/or http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheFlyingPigLog "You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it however." (and) "There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts." (Richard Bach, in The Reluctant Messiah) |
#15
posted to rec.boats.cruising
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Skip's Angst
Skip Gundlach wrote:
Skip's angst... TMI warning: This is long and personal, so if you're not one of the interested parties relating to my post about being becalmed, bothered and bewildered, you can skip this without missing anything. A side note, I LOLd at 12* BTDC. Thank you for bringing a smile to my face... Thank you all for being concerned about me (and by implication, Lydia). I really have nobody to talk to about this, and - of course, having been taken to task by legions here for my candor (Lydia would call it lack of boundaries, being entirely too open and accepting - and non-judgmental - which has a huge component in how I got to where I am right this minute), I have some reservations about "sharing" in the AA or "dot A" (any other flavor of the same self-help groups) sense. None the less, my shortcomings as a sailor, cruiser, and any other you may care to identify have not ever been something I'm shy about admitting, in the hopes that I might learn from others smarter than I. So, let's start with what it isn't. It isn't that I think I (or we) made the wrong decision. I've never looked back, and was very actively looking forward to our life aboard. There have been many moments in the last two weeks where that has faltered, on which more below - but it had nothing to do with the decision to go forward. I'm also not (at least at this time) directly thinking about having blown it and giving up the boat - nor giving up Lydia. Nor is Lydia thinking her equivalents. It isn't health in the sense that many of you speculate, but it is definitely health related. Neither of us has little microbes, clots or other impedimenta, though there is definitely fertile ground for cells gone wild. The entire details of that won't be disclosed for some time, when the others are ready for it to come out. It has a great deal of my attention at the moment, however. This isn't the only place where that post appeared; I put it on several forums as well as my log list (the people who've asked for me to mail my postings, which gets the postings you see with date titles) and a couple of cruising related mail lists. Some have observed that I seemed like I was down; one said I sounded depressed. I am indeed depressed. TMI warning: I have chronic major depression, which I've managed for many years, but at one time was 2x weekly therapied, daily medicated and managed not to kill myself over my perceived shortcomings. Due to current circumstance, I'm currently in a failed remission, for lack of a better phrase, and it colors my thinking and writing and, indeed, my life. That it's strictly situational has prevented me from taking medical or other measures beyond my own coping skills (I went to grad school on that one, so to speak, and am reasonably good at it). One of the symptoms of depression is the lack of interest in anything which used to be pleasurable. That's happening. I vacillate between turning into a hermit (can I live on the pittance I have coming in if I have to get a land side place, however simple and remote?) (because I have no more interest in the boat, among other things which used to give me pleasure), stepping off the transom one night under way (no, I won't - I'm not that strong) to kill the pain, not having any enthusiasm for the new sails which are on the way nor any of the myriad of little chores which always accumulate on the boat (but going through the motions, anyway, because I know I'll feel differently at some point and would regret not doing it in retrospect), and all the other things that depression engenders/spawns. And, I also know that what's going on isn't the end of the world. It's just that it's - irrevocably - changed it. From someone who's lived through something else of perhaps more significance, as one of my off-list correspondents pointed out, what I'm going through right now is chump change emotionally. It's just that I was totally blindsided, and the realities just keep getting worse, and I've not yet worked out my coping mechanisms. I'm very good at blaming myself for allowing it to happen, too, so "Angry Bob" (the cartoon literature character by Rat in Pearls Before Swine) has nothing on me at the moment. And, since it involves others, until there is permission to discuss it, I'll not directly say what dragon it is I'm fighting. The dragon may well win and have the kingdom. Or, I may succeed in stuffing the dragon in the far pasture where I don't have to see it, and can only smell it and see its effect on my subjects (metaphorically speaking, of course), but turn a blind eye. Or, the dragon may eventually die a peaceful death, and I can get on with "only" having to deal with the destruction wrought while it was here... The onset of winter causes many of us who are far from manic depressive to feel "down". Many of my neighbours counter this by heading south, at least as far south of the equator as they currently live north of it. Furthermore they stay there for at least five months, returning once they feel the northern winter has passed. South Africa is the current favourite with this gang. Unfortunately, this takes money, or rather a willingness to spend considerable amounts of the stuff, which, being stingy, I refuse to do. In the sailing fraternity, there are many who believe that winter is a God-given opportunity to prepare for the coming summer, and without it, our boats would simply disintegrate. We may be kidding ourselves about this, but at least that belief helps us turn out when it would freeze the b**** off a brass monkey to complete some niggling little job that could well wait for more suitable weather if we were honest with ourselves. The medical profession are onto these seasonal feelings of depression in a big way. In the UK one can buy all manner of simulated-daylight devices which are guaranteed to increase your carbon footprint if not cure your depression. None of this will be of the slightest interest to the true depressive, and I feel for you Skip. You may gain some solace from the fact that you are not alone. Winston Churchill was similarly afflicted. Maybe it is one of the downsides of true greatness. Dennis. |
#16
posted to rec.boats.cruising
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Skip's Angst
"Dennis Pogson" wrote:
The onset of winter causes many of us who are far from manic depressive to feel "down". Many of my neighbours counter this by heading south, at least When I saw what the problem was, I immediately thought SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder or becoming depressed when there is less light). Going south will probably help if that is what it is. A friend of mine who lived in ND had it, and I recommended extra light before arising. as far south of the equator as they currently live north of it. snip The medical profession are onto these seasonal feelings of depression in a big way. In the UK one can buy all manner of simulated-daylight devices which are guaranteed to increase your carbon footprint if not cure your depression. None of this will be of the slightest interest to the true depressive, and I feel for you Skip. Couldn't it be both? You may gain some solace from the fact that you are not alone. Winston Churchill was similarly afflicted. Maybe it is one of the downsides of true greatness. |
#17
posted to rec.boats.cruising
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Skip's Angst
As we say in pseudo-Latin: illegitimi non corborundum.
Ignore the cretins. The rest of us are listening and cheering for y'all. Keep on rockin' in the free world! Frank and the krewe |
#18
posted to rec.boats.cruising
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Skip's Angst
Paul Cassel wrote:
Wilbur Hubbard wrote: Why don't you see if you can one-up Donald Crowhurst??? It would be much more interesting speculating about whatever happened to Skippy and his failure prone system laden joke of a boat than continuing to read a sorry soap opera, whining, wimp's everlasting tale of woe. You'll need a mirror on this one, Wilbur. Crowhurst was a loner like you rather than a family man like Skip. I'm not sure Crowhurst's widow and children would see it that way. |
#19
posted to rec.boats.cruising
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Skip's Angst
On Mon, 19 Nov 2007 05:59:39 -0800 (PST), Skip Gundlach
wrote: Thanks to all to whom the thanks would be obviously directed. The rest of you can go **** yourselves (Bob, you're not among them, but now you know what it takes to get me to say that). For any of those who may actually have an interest in what's happening rather than just wasting bandwidth on the local ****wit's issues, Lydia has given me direction (much more than permission) to talk about it. I'll do so - if I think there's any sincerity (my apologies to those who I already know are, indeed) in the communication - to all who care to correspond with me offlist. And, as I'm not really given to melodrama, it will take me a little while to compose my thoughts so they don't take orders of magnitude more space than my usual postings here, so please forgive me if you've already made this contact and I've not yet come back to you. I don't think my information is hidden, as I've gotten some private mail on the subject, but in case there's any doubt, you can find me at skipgundlach at gmail.com. We now return you to your regular programming. L8R Skip Morgan 461 #2 SV Flying Pig KI4MPC See our galleries at www.justpickone.org/skip/gallery ! Follow us at http://groups.google.com/group/flyingpiglog and/or http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheFlyingPigLog "You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it however." (and) "There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts." (Richard Bach, in The Reluctant Messiah) You know, we all get a bit down in the mouth at times with the whole world crushing us. Right now, I'm trying to get a power boat fixed enough to move on to and a sail boat fixed enough to move off of and sell. It seems as though the work is never going to end - I was a fool to take this on - Lord, am I tired of boats! But, I've found that if you just take things one day at a time and do what you can each day somehow, all at once, you find that you have, somehow, worked your way out of the mess and are back afloat. I'm not much of a drinker but I do believe that the AA guys have something with their one day at a time thing. Bruce-in-Bangkok (Note:remove underscores from address for reply) |
#20
posted to rec.boats.cruising
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Skip's Angst
On Nov 19, 5:57 pm, Bruce in Bangkok wrote:
You know, we all get a bit down in the mouth at times with the whole world crushing us. Right now, I'm trying to get a power boat fixed enough to move on to and a sail boat fixed enough to move off of and sell. It seems as though the work is never going to end You tell it brother..Amen! - I was a fool to take this on - Lord, am I tired of boats! Try getting a house uilt in 1905 ready to sell. total electical total plumbing total land scape total drainage total paint..... interior.....interior Ugggggg! But, I've found that if you just take things one day at a time and do what you can each day somehow, all at once, you find that you have, somehow, worked your way out of the mess and are back afloat. Right on bro.......almost ready for the For Sail sign! I'm not much of a drinker but I do believe that the AA guys have something with their one day at a time thing. Ya, I wish i could hang wit dat crew but booze is a cheep and availible drug. Ask me why it took 11 years to get a BS.and it wasnt ETOH. hey Bruce......... good on 4 ur post havnt been in ur parts 4 a while......... since 70....... have the bars changed? Cheep huch and mama son for 100 MPC? Bob |
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