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#1
posted to rec.boats.cruising
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Skip's Angst
Skip's angst...
TMI warning: This is long and personal, so if you're not one of the interested parties relating to my post about being becalmed, bothered and bewildered, you can skip this without missing anything. A side note, I LOLd at 12* BTDC. Thank you for bringing a smile to my face... Thank you all for being concerned about me (and by implication, Lydia). I really have nobody to talk to about this, and - of course, having been taken to task by legions here for my candor (Lydia would call it lack of boundaries, being entirely too open and accepting - and non-judgmental - which has a huge component in how I got to where I am right this minute), I have some reservations about "sharing" in the AA or "dot A" (any other flavor of the same self-help groups) sense. None the less, my shortcomings as a sailor, cruiser, and any other you may care to identify have not ever been something I'm shy about admitting, in the hopes that I might learn from others smarter than I. So, let's start with what it isn't. It isn't that I think I (or we) made the wrong decision. I've never looked back, and was very actively looking forward to our life aboard. There have been many moments in the last two weeks where that has faltered, on which more below - but it had nothing to do with the decision to go forward. I'm also not (at least at this time) directly thinking about having blown it and giving up the boat - nor giving up Lydia. Nor is Lydia thinking her equivalents. It isn't health in the sense that many of you speculate, but it is definitely health related. Neither of us has little microbes, clots or other impedimenta, though there is definitely fertile ground for cells gone wild. The entire details of that won't be disclosed for some time, when the others are ready for it to come out. It has a great deal of my attention at the moment, however. This isn't the only place where that post appeared; I put it on several forums as well as my log list (the people who've asked for me to mail my postings, which gets the postings you see with date titles) and a couple of cruising related mail lists. Some have observed that I seemed like I was down; one said I sounded depressed. I am indeed depressed. TMI warning: I have chronic major depression, which I've managed for many years, but at one time was 2x weekly therapied, daily medicated and managed not to kill myself over my perceived shortcomings. Due to current circumstance, I'm currently in a failed remission, for lack of a better phrase, and it colors my thinking and writing and, indeed, my life. That it's strictly situational has prevented me from taking medical or other measures beyond my own coping skills (I went to grad school on that one, so to speak, and am reasonably good at it). One of the symptoms of depression is the lack of interest in anything which used to be pleasurable. That's happening. I vacillate between turning into a hermit (can I live on the pittance I have coming in if I have to get a land side place, however simple and remote?) (because I have no more interest in the boat, among other things which used to give me pleasure), stepping off the transom one night under way (no, I won't - I'm not that strong) to kill the pain, not having any enthusiasm for the new sails which are on the way nor any of the myriad of little chores which always accumulate on the boat (but going through the motions, anyway, because I know I'll feel differently at some point and would regret not doing it in retrospect), and all the other things that depression engenders/spawns. And, I also know that what's going on isn't the end of the world. It's just that it's - irrevocably - changed it. From someone who's lived through something else of perhaps more significance, as one of my off-list correspondents pointed out, what I'm going through right now is chump change emotionally. It's just that I was totally blindsided, and the realities just keep getting worse, and I've not yet worked out my coping mechanisms. I'm very good at blaming myself for allowing it to happen, too, so "Angry Bob" (the cartoon literature character by Rat in Pearls Before Swine) has nothing on me at the moment. And, since it involves others, until there is permission to discuss it, I'll not directly say what dragon it is I'm fighting. The dragon may well win and have the kingdom. Or, I may succeed in stuffing the dragon in the far pasture where I don't have to see it, and can only smell it and see its effect on my subjects (metaphorically speaking, of course), but turn a blind eye. Or, the dragon may eventually die a peaceful death, and I can get on with "only" having to deal with the destruction wrought while it was here... I know that's not a very satisfactory answer to the questions on your minds. It's the best I can do right now. But we have no doubts about our chosen course, and wouldn't go back to our old lives on a bet. And finally, just in case you all didn't know, I love the community here, even the flamers and shovers, for I recognize them for what they are. I long ago got a crispy crust fighting other dragons, and am not injured. Sometimes it's even fun to joust, but mostly I just enjoy the heat :{)) Thanks, you all, for your public and private concerns. As always, stay tuned... L8R Skip Morgan 461 #2 SV Flying Pig KI4MPC See our galleries at www.justpickone.org/skip/gallery ! Follow us at http://groups.google.com/group/flyingpiglog and/or http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheFlyingPigLog "You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it however." (and) "There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts." (Richard Bach, in The Reluctant Messiah) |
#2
posted to rec.boats.cruising
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Skip's Angst
Captain Skip... it would seem your not the only, or first sailor who ever
got a little down. 1851 MOBY DICK; OR THE WHALE by Herman Melville CHAPTER 1 Loomings Call me Ishmael. Some years ago- never mind how long precisely- having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world. It is a way I have of driving off the spleen and regulating the circulation. Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people's hats off- then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can. This is my substitute for pistol and ball. With a philosophical flourish Cato throws himself upon his sword; I quietly take to the ship. There is nothing surprising in this. If they but knew it, almost all men in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly the same feelings towards the ocean with me. .................... ================================================== ========================================= For sometimes when I am feeling as big as the land With the velvet hill in the small of my back And my hands are playing the sand And my feet are swimming in all of the waters All of the rivers are givers to the ocean According to plan, according to man Well sometimes when I am feeling so grand And I become the world And the world becomes a man And my song becomes a part of the river I cry out to keep me just the way I am According to plan According to man, according to plan According to man, according to plan Oh there's a chance peace will come In your life, please buy one Oh there's a chance peace will come In your life, please buy one For sometimes when we have reached the end With the velvet hill in the small of my backs And our hands are clutching the sand Will our blood become a part of the river All of the rivers are givers to the ocean According to plan, according to man There's a chance peace will come in your life please buy one. There's a chance peace will come in your life please buy one For sometime when we have reached the end With the velvet hill in the small of my backs And our hands are clutching the sand. There's a chance peace will come in your life please buy one There's a chance peace will come in your life please buy one ================================================== ========================================= I am indeed depressed. TMI warning: I have chronic major depression, which I've managed for many years, but at one time was 2x weekly therapied, daily medicated and managed not to kill myself over my perceived shortcomings. Due to current circumstance, I'm currently in a failed remission, for lack of a better phrase, and it colors my thinking and writing and, indeed, my life. That it's strictly situational has prevented me from taking medical or other measures beyond my own coping skills (I went to grad school on that one, so to speak, and am reasonably good at it). One of the symptoms of depression is the lack of interest in anything which used to be pleasurable. And finally, just in case you all didn't know, I love the community here, even the flamers and shovers, for I recognize them for what they are. I long ago got a crispy crust fighting other dragons, and am not injured. Sometimes it's even fun to joust, but mostly I just enjoy the heat :{)) Thanks, you all, for your public and private concerns. As always, stay tuned... L8R Skip Morgan 461 #2 SV Flying Pig KI4MPC See our galleries at www.justpickone.org/skip/gallery ! Follow us at http://groups.google.com/group/flyingpiglog and/or http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheFlyingPigLog "You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it however." (and) "There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts." (Richard Bach, in The Reluctant Messiah) |
#3
posted to rec.boats.cruising
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Skip's Angst
Why don't you see if you can one-up Donald Crowhurst??? It would be much
more interesting speculating about whatever happened to Skippy and his failure prone system laden joke of a boat than continuing to read a sorry soap opera, whining, wimp's everlasting tale of woe. Wilbur Hubbard "Skip Gundlach" wrote in message ... Skip's angst... TMI warning: This is long and personal, so if you're not one of the interested parties relating to my post about being becalmed, bothered and bewildered, you can skip this without missing anything. A side note, I LOLd at 12* BTDC. Thank you for bringing a smile to my face... Thank you all for being concerned about me (and by implication, Lydia). I really have nobody to talk to about this, and - of course, having been taken to task by legions here for my candor (Lydia would call it lack of boundaries, being entirely too open and accepting - and non-judgmental - which has a huge component in how I got to where I am right this minute), I have some reservations about "sharing" in the AA or "dot A" (any other flavor of the same self-help groups) sense. None the less, my shortcomings as a sailor, cruiser, and any other you may care to identify have not ever been something I'm shy about admitting, in the hopes that I might learn from others smarter than I. So, let's start with what it isn't. It isn't that I think I (or we) made the wrong decision. I've never looked back, and was very actively looking forward to our life aboard. There have been many moments in the last two weeks where that has faltered, on which more below - but it had nothing to do with the decision to go forward. I'm also not (at least at this time) directly thinking about having blown it and giving up the boat - nor giving up Lydia. Nor is Lydia thinking her equivalents. It isn't health in the sense that many of you speculate, but it is definitely health related. Neither of us has little microbes, clots or other impedimenta, though there is definitely fertile ground for cells gone wild. The entire details of that won't be disclosed for some time, when the others are ready for it to come out. It has a great deal of my attention at the moment, however. This isn't the only place where that post appeared; I put it on several forums as well as my log list (the people who've asked for me to mail my postings, which gets the postings you see with date titles) and a couple of cruising related mail lists. Some have observed that I seemed like I was down; one said I sounded depressed. I am indeed depressed. TMI warning: I have chronic major depression, which I've managed for many years, but at one time was 2x weekly therapied, daily medicated and managed not to kill myself over my perceived shortcomings. Due to current circumstance, I'm currently in a failed remission, for lack of a better phrase, and it colors my thinking and writing and, indeed, my life. That it's strictly situational has prevented me from taking medical or other measures beyond my own coping skills (I went to grad school on that one, so to speak, and am reasonably good at it). One of the symptoms of depression is the lack of interest in anything which used to be pleasurable. That's happening. I vacillate between turning into a hermit (can I live on the pittance I have coming in if I have to get a land side place, however simple and remote?) (because I have no more interest in the boat, among other things which used to give me pleasure), stepping off the transom one night under way (no, I won't - I'm not that strong) to kill the pain, not having any enthusiasm for the new sails which are on the way nor any of the myriad of little chores which always accumulate on the boat (but going through the motions, anyway, because I know I'll feel differently at some point and would regret not doing it in retrospect), and all the other things that depression engenders/spawns. And, I also know that what's going on isn't the end of the world. It's just that it's - irrevocably - changed it. From someone who's lived through something else of perhaps more significance, as one of my off-list correspondents pointed out, what I'm going through right now is chump change emotionally. It's just that I was totally blindsided, and the realities just keep getting worse, and I've not yet worked out my coping mechanisms. I'm very good at blaming myself for allowing it to happen, too, so "Angry Bob" (the cartoon literature character by Rat in Pearls Before Swine) has nothing on me at the moment. And, since it involves others, until there is permission to discuss it, I'll not directly say what dragon it is I'm fighting. The dragon may well win and have the kingdom. Or, I may succeed in stuffing the dragon in the far pasture where I don't have to see it, and can only smell it and see its effect on my subjects (metaphorically speaking, of course), but turn a blind eye. Or, the dragon may eventually die a peaceful death, and I can get on with "only" having to deal with the destruction wrought while it was here... I know that's not a very satisfactory answer to the questions on your minds. It's the best I can do right now. But we have no doubts about our chosen course, and wouldn't go back to our old lives on a bet. And finally, just in case you all didn't know, I love the community here, even the flamers and shovers, for I recognize them for what they are. I long ago got a crispy crust fighting other dragons, and am not injured. Sometimes it's even fun to joust, but mostly I just enjoy the heat :{)) Thanks, you all, for your public and private concerns. As always, stay tuned... L8R Skip Morgan 461 #2 SV Flying Pig KI4MPC See our galleries at www.justpickone.org/skip/gallery ! Follow us at http://groups.google.com/group/flyingpiglog and/or http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheFlyingPigLog "You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it however." (and) "There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts." (Richard Bach, in The Reluctant Messiah) |
#4
posted to rec.boats.cruising
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Skip's Angst
Captain Roger .. I own a Cannondale touring bicycle. That is why I have
the posting name. I think my other posting name is in the computer somewhere... Interesting story behind the Cannondale bicycle name. When the company was starting out in the bicycle business, the manufacturing was done in Connecticut. The owner was on a phone talking to the bank or somesuch going on about the new bicycle he was going to manufacture [ aluminun, oversized, tubes for the frame ] and before he hung up they asked "what is the name of the bicycle".. He looked up at the sign where he was .. The name of the company was taken from the Cannondale Metro North train station in Wilton, Connecticut.[1] He decided to just use the name of the train station .. ==== "Roger Long" wrote in message ... You know Tom, you would avoid my having a little chuckle at your expense by using another of your many aliases when you post here. The bicycle I had as a boy, the one I remember most vividly riding through 8" deep snow in the dark with the big double baskets filled with newspapers, had a hard old leather seat. Down the middle of the seat was embrossed the word "Cannondale". Every time I see one of your posts with that name, I can't help thinking of "Cannondale" as being a place to put your ass. Now a bunch of other readers will probably have the same thought so you might want to switch to something else. Thanks for reminding me of that bike. I put a sail on it and tried it out in the strong midwest winds. I went about 30 mph for nearly 5 seconds. The mast broke when I crashed so I quickly got interested in something else. I bet a friend once that I could ride it with my hands crossed. I did but he refused to pay up because he said it had to be longer than 1/2 second before crashing to count as riding. My father, who was a pretty clever guy, installed a coaster brake inside the three speed hub. I have now clue how he did it but I may have been the only kid in the midwest who had what was then known as an "English Racer" with a coaster brake. Had a generator hub on the front wheel that was much less drag than the ones that ran on the back wheel. Cool bike, all 75 pounds of it. -- Roger Long |
#5
posted to rec.boats.cruising
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Skip's Angst
On Sun, 18 Nov 2007 17:44:07 -0500, Wilbur Hubbard wrote:
snip an unusually fetid piece of digital excrement you are without a doubt, a painfully stupid person...your words a vexation on the soul of anyone with an IQ higher than 40...few have so richly deserved their place in my idiot bin **PLONK** with extreme prejudice |
#6
posted to rec.boats.cruising
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Skip's Angst
On Sun, 18 Nov 2007 17:44:07 -0500, "Wilbur Hubbard"
wrote: Why don't you see if you can one-up Donald Crowhurst??? It would be much more interesting speculating about whatever happened to Skippy and his failure prone system laden joke of a boat than continuing to read a sorry soap opera, whining, wimp's everlasting tale of woe. Wilbur Hubbard Ah, willie-boy, rec.cruising's little ray of sunshine in an otherwise drab world. Can you imagine how much you stepping off the transom some dark night would enhance things? Of course, with the mouse boat's draft you would probably be able to walk ashore. Bruce-in-Bangkok (Note:remove underscores from address for reply) |
#7
posted to rec.boats.cruising
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Skip's Angst
On Sun, 18 Nov 2007 17:51:04 -0500, "Roger Long"
wrote: ... I bet a friend once that I could ride it with my hands crossed. I did but he refused to pay up because he said it had to be longer than 1/2 second before crashing to count as riding. I tried that once, and lasted about as long. Brian Whatcott Altus OK |
#8
posted to rec.boats.cruising
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Skip's Angst
On 2007-11-19 04:44:00 -0500, Paul Cassel
said: The joke is you take an oar. Put it over your shoulder and start walking inland. As soon as someone asks what that thing is over your shoulder, you're far enough inland. Turn around 180 degrees, return to the boat and you'll be ready for another few months of life afloat. Dang, this paragraph keeps dragging me in. We're weekend warriors, but this seems such a true reflection of the cruising life. That we are out and moving more than most cruisers is beside the point. Those who understand our obsession typically live close to the shores we frequent. -- Jere Lull Tanzer 28 #4 out of Tolchester, MD Xan's pages: http://web.mac.com/jerelull/iWeb/Xan/ Our BVI trips & tips: http://homepage.mac.com/jerelull/BVI/ |
#9
posted to rec.boats.cruising
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Skip's Angst
"Brian Whatcott" wrote in message ... On Sun, 18 Nov 2007 17:51:04 -0500, "Roger Long" wrote: ... I bet a friend once that I could ride it with my hands crossed. I did but he refused to pay up because he said it had to be longer than 1/2 second before crashing to count as riding. I tried that once, and lasted about as long. Brian Whatcott Altus OK I used to be able to ride my CCM down a pretty good grade on a city street and turn the corner at the bottom... without hands! ( coaster brakes) |
#10
posted to rec.boats.cruising
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Skip's Angst
If it's possible for you to park the boat, rent a car and drive inland
for a night or two at a motel, it may help a lot. Also try a role play. Let's say you sell the boat. Imagine that. Then you take a small apartment somewhere inland. OK, now imagine it's months down the road and you've watched Judge Judy for 45 consecutive weekdays. I suspect if you can role play this one, you'll recognize you wish to be back aboard. I lived aboard over 7 years. 5.5 with my now late wife and 1.5 singlehanding in a different ocean. I found I got fed up with it from time to time but a bit of a break out of sight of any ocean made a huge difference. The joke is you take an oar. Put it over your shoulder and start walking inland. As soon as someone asks what that thing is over your shoulder, you're far enough inland. Turn around 180 degrees, return to the boat and you'll be ready for another few months of life afloat. Worked for first us and then me always. Consider it. -paul |
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