There was a magician on a cruise ship that used a parrot as a prop.
Eventually, the parrot got so used to the act that he would give away
the trick.

"Awck - It's up his sleeve" - "Awck - the rabbit is in the hat" - "Awck
- the cards are all the same".

As time went on the parrot kept giving away the magician's secrets. One
day, the magician snapped, pulled out a gun and shot at the parrot. He
missed, the bullet went through a wall, into a huge propane tank and the
ship blew up in a million pieces.

There were only two survivors - the magician and the parrot floating in
the middle of the ocean. The parrot looks around, then says to the
magician...

"Ok - I give up - where's the ship?"

------------------------

It was 1780 and a British man-of-war was sailing along the coast of
France. The crow's nest looked hollers out "One man-of-war on the horizon".

The Captain calls the ship to Quarters and tells his steward to go below
and bring his red shirt. The steward does as he's asked, the Captain
changes to the red shirt and the battle begins.

The British ship wins the battle, the men fought bravely and all was
well. The Captain's steward is curious if the red shirt was for luck,
so he asked the captain why the red shirt.

The Captain replied that the red shirt was for morale - in case the
Captain was wounded, the men would not see the red blood and thus keep
their courage during the fight.

A couple of days later, the lookout hollers "Twenty men-of-war on the
horizon". The Captain's steward asked the Captain if he wanted his red
shirt.

The Captain replied "No - bring me my brown pants".