Poll: 28% Think Cain Had Affair; 28% Don’t Think Cain Had Affair; 44%
Having Affair with Cain Right Now
Millions of Exes Could Spell Trouble for Candidate

MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report) – In a new poll of likely GOP voters,
28% think Herman Cain had an extramarital affair, 28% do not think he
had an affair, and 44% are having an affair with Herman Cain right now.

Of the voters currently having sex with Mr. Cain, 52% called the
relationship “special,” 38% called it “inappropriate,” and 10% agreed
with the statement “I know I am Herman’s soul mate and someday we’ll be
together.”

According to Davis Logsdon, who conducted the poll for the University of
Minnesota’s Opinion Research Institute, the numbers could spell trouble
for the former pizza executive: “There is no precedent for a successful
White House run by a man with over ten million exes.”

In an interview with CNN’s Wolf Blitzer today, Mr. Cain seemed to brush
off the latest development, saying, “Now you know why I got your name
wrong, Blitz – I have a lot of names to keep straight in my head.”

Mr. Cain added, "My message to the American people remains the same, and
that message is, 'I told you not to call me here.'"

But later in the day Mr. Cain got a got a harsh scolding from Republican
frontrunner Newt Gingrich: “If Herman is in fact having sex with
millions of Americans, he needs to do the right thing and marry them.”
--
http://flickr.com/gp/hakr/8272ug