This elusive species was spotted yesterday at Breezy Point Marina on
the western shore of Chesapeake Bay. The sighting was verified by
members of the Maryland Marine Police.

John Mariner, owner of Breezy Point Marina, said the bird showed up
about mid morning, landing on a Parker boat that was in dry storage on
the lot.

“Gawd, it was obnoxious,” said John Mariner. “It was squawking loudly
and without letup. It was really an ugly ass bird and it acted like
it owned the place.”

John Mariner explained that the Parker boat on which the bird perched
belonged to a local lawyer who is very particular about his boat.
“And the bird was defecating all over the boat so we knew we had to
get it out of here, but the bird wouldn’t leave, acting like it was
his boat.”

The Maryland Marine Police were eventually summoned. As soon as the
police drove into the marina lot, the bird immediately ceased
squawking and beat a hasty retreat to the adjacent campgrounds.

A call to the president of the Eastern American Ornithological Society
elicited an interesting factoid. “It seems,” said Erma Birdwoman,
“that the Krausii Liesallthetime Marylandus is the only known avian
species that produces more in excrement than it takes in as food.”
Birdwoman continued, “For each gram of food intake, this species
produces 2 grams of feces.”

“It’s really a strange bird,” she said. “We don’t quite know what to
make of it, other than the fact that it is always unwelcome wherever
it appears.”