Gilligan wrote:

ASA IQ Test

1. Capt Neal, Jonathan, Bobsprit and Katysails have returned from a glorious
day of sailing aboard Capt Neal's fine blue water cruiser.
They are offshore and must take the dinghy to get to land. Only two of them
can fit in the dinghy at a time.
If Bobsprit is left alone with Jonathan, Bobsprit will bugger poor Jonathan.
If Capt Neal is left alone with Katysails, he will pinch her and she will
slap him.
How do the four of them get ashore to enjoy an evening at the Sneaky Tikki
without Jonathan getting buggered, Katysails pinched or Capt Neal slapped?

Katysails and Jonathon use the dinghy. They both know they're
safe from each other. Bobsprit's buoancy allows him to be
floated in, secured to the painter. Capt Neal, of course, simply
walks across the water.


2. Captain Mooron is out at sea recovering from a bad hangover.
In this distance he sees a double vision of a fast approaching tanker.
Moorons proper course of action is:

a. Alternately wink each eye and watch the double vision. The tanker image
that remains in place is the true tanker. He steers clear of it.

b. Take the Enfield and shoot at the middle of them.

c. Take three bong hits to clear his vision.

d. Get on the radio and let them know he doesn't use soap or wear underwear.

None of the above. A hangover implies a prior drinking bout, and
Mooron's drinking is continuous.


3. Gilligan releases his flying monkeys for a flying nonstop round trip to
Katysails to steal naughty things from her clothesline.
It's a 2,000 mile roundtrip and the monkeys can only fly 1,000 miles without
food. The monkeys fly at 100 mph.
At three hours after the monkeys are released, Gilligan releases swallows
that carry coconuts to the monkeys for replenishment.
What is the airspeed of a laden swallow?

Insufficient information. Since they're all going to be shot by
Katy, if not also along route, we need their altitude at the time
of projectile implantation. Then one can either apply altitude*G,
or terminal velocity for a free falling FM, and swallow+nut
ombination.


4. What is your favorite colour?

You're not reading your script. Your supposed to be colorblind
or the gag wont work.


5. On Monday Bobsprit buys a C&C 32 for $16,000. On Tuesday he buys a
Bugatti Classic for $8,000 and sells the radar from his boat for $400.
On Wednesday Bobsprit buys an inflatable boat for $1200, uses it and sells
it on Friday for $1400. On Thursday Bobsprit buys yet another classic car, a
Fiat Abarth for $16,000 and sells it the next day for $20,000.
On Friday Bobsprit sells the Bugatti for $12,000 and sells his Saab for
$3,000.
During the entire week what is the most cash Bob has out of pocket?

a. $16,000

b. $24,000

c. It's Suzzette's money

d. Bobsprit is lying.

None of the above. The answer is "none" for there was none in
pocket to begin with.


6. Which of the following statements goes most closely with: "The Alien
Girls are to beauty as"

a. Ganz is to Gay

b. Bobsprit is to bluster

c. Jax is to intelligence

d. Neal's boat is to bristol

Confusion again, Gilligan, it's supposed to be

a. Ganz is to Bobsprit

b. Bobsprit is to Jax
etc


7. A dab of tallow place in a wooden mast crack is best suited for:

a. Covering unsightly cracks

b. Keeping out moisture

c. Keeping flies off of the helmsman

d. Upsetting the navigator

Again: the REAL purpose was feeding King-size flames

8. Bobsprit

No, I refuse to proceed further. Why must you insist on
inflicting Bobsprits feeding habits on us? Any multiple choice
relating to such things should have a choice to avoid the topic
completely.

Flying Tadpole

ASA IQ Test

1. Capt Neal, Jonathan, Bobsprit and Katysails have returned from a glorious
day of sailing aboard Capt Neal's fine blue water cruiser.
They are offshore and must take the dinghy to get to land. Only two of them
can fit in the dinghy at a time.
If Bobsprit is left alone with Jonathan, Bobsprit will bugger poor Jonathan.
If Capt Neal is left alone with Katysails, he will pinch her and she will
slap him.
How do the four of them get ashore to enjoy an evening at the Sneaky Tikki
without Jonathan getting buggered, Katysails pinched or Capt Neal slapped?

Trick question. Katysails and Ganz would never sail with Neal or Bobspit so the situation would never occur. Katysails and
Ganz, however, would sail with each other and Neal and Bobspit would sail with each other.


2. Captain Mooron is out at sea recovering from a bad hangover.
In this distance he sees a double vision of a fast approaching tanker.
Moorons proper course of action is:

c. Take three bong hits to clear his vision.



3. Gilligan releases his flying monkeys for a flying nonstop round trip to
Katysails to steal naughty things from her clothesline.
It's a 2,000 mile roundtrip and the monkeys can only fly 1,000 miles without
food. The monkeys fly at 100 mph.
At three hours after the monkeys are released, Gilligan releases swallows
that carry coconuts to the monkeys for replenishment.
What is the airspeed of a laden swallow?

Gadfry, you must have humungoid swallows in CO! BTW...you'd better get my lingerie back here and I'll be really PO'd if Babs
"borrows" it!

4. What is your favorite colour? teal

5. On Monday Bobsprit buys a C&C 32 for $16,000. On Tuesday he buys a
Bugatti Classic for $8,000 and sells the radar from his boat for $400.
On Wednesday Bobsprit buys an inflatable boat for $1200, uses it and sells
it on Friday for $1400. On Thursday Bobsprit buys yet another classic car, a
Fiat Abarth for $16,000 and sells it the next day for $20,000.
On Friday Bobsprit sells the Bugatti for $12,000 and sells his Saab for
$3,000.
During the entire week what is the most cash Bob has out of pocket?


d. Bobsprit is lying.


6. Which of the following statements goes most closely with: "The Alien
Girls are to beauty as"

d. Neal's boat is to bristol


7. A dab of tallow place in a wooden mast crack is best suited for:

b. Keeping out moisture

Why is there a serious answer to this question?




8. Bobsprit eats 6000 cal a day. His basal metabolism requires 2000 cal a
day. 1/2 pound of fat is equal to 2000 stored calories.
Bobsprit becomes constipated for one week, but continues his regular diet.
How can Bobsprit's condition be most accurately described at the week's end?


d. All of the above


9. Captain American sails to Hawaii in 31 days. On several days he is thrown
about the ship, severely striking his head.
What is the best conclusion about his trip:



c. He never really left. He's been on a one month drunken bender in a
Seattle flophouse.

10. What is the next word in this sequence: Red Leicester, Tilsit,
Caerphilly...


d. Wenslydale






--
katysails
s/v Chanteuse
Kirie Elite 32
http://katysails.tripod.com

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax
and get used to the idea." - Robert A. Heinlein

Good one Gilly!

"Gilligan" wrote in message
news
ASA IQ Test

1. Capt Neal, Jonathan, Bobsprit and Katysails have returned from a
glorious
day of sailing aboard Capt Neal's fine blue water cruiser.
They are offshore and must take the dinghy to get to land. Only two of
them
can fit in the dinghy at a time.
If Bobsprit is left alone with Jonathan, Bobsprit will bugger poor
Jonathan.
If Capt Neal is left alone with Katysails, he will pinch her and she will
slap him.
How do the four of them get ashore to enjoy an evening at the Sneaky Tikki
without Jonathan getting buggered, Katysails pinched or Capt Neal slapped?

Katy and I would sail together without any problems. Neal and Bob
don't sail, so there would never be a problem.


2. Captain Mooron is out at sea recovering from a bad hangover.
In this distance he sees a double vision of a fast approaching tanker.
Moorons proper course of action is:

a. Alternately wink each eye and watch the double vision. The tanker image
that remains in place is the true tanker. He steers clear of it.

b. Take the Enfield and shoot at the middle of them.

c. Take three bong hits to clear his vision.

d. Get on the radio and let them know he doesn't use soap or wear
underwear.


Definitely C.

3. Gilligan releases his flying monkeys for a flying nonstop round trip to
Katysails to steal naughty things from her clothesline.
It's a 2,000 mile roundtrip and the monkeys can only fly 1,000 miles
without
food. The monkeys fly at 100 mph.
At three hours after the monkeys are released, Gilligan releases swallows
that carry coconuts to the monkeys for replenishment.
What is the airspeed of a laden swallow?

The same speed as the iguana boy.

4. What is your favorite colour?

Don't have a favorite colour. My favorite color is

5. On Monday Bobsprit buys a C&C 32 for $16,000. On Tuesday he buys a
Bugatti Classic for $8,000 and sells the radar from his boat for $400.
On Wednesday Bobsprit buys an inflatable boat for $1200, uses it and sells
it on Friday for $1400. On Thursday Bobsprit buys yet another classic car,
a
Fiat Abarth for $16,000 and sells it the next day for $20,000.
On Friday Bobsprit sells the Bugatti for $12,000 and sells his Saab for
$3,000.
During the entire week what is the most cash Bob has out of pocket?

a. $16,000

b. $24,000

c. It's Suzzette's money

d. Bobsprit is lying.

Easy. D.


6. Which of the following statements goes most closely with: "The Alien
Girls are to beauty as"

a. Ganz is to Gay

b. Bobsprit is to bluster

c. Jax is to intelligence

d. Neal's boat is to bristol

A for sure! (No bias, just the facts)


7. A dab of tallow place in a wooden mast crack is best suited for:

a. Covering unsightly cracks

b. Keeping out moisture

c. Keeping flies off of the helmsman

d. Upsetting the navigator


C.


8. Bobsprit eats 6000 cal a day. His basal metabolism requires 2000 cal a
day. 1/2 pound of fat is equal to 2000 stored calories.
Bobsprit becomes constipated for one week, but continues his regular diet.
How can Bobsprit's condition be most accurately described at the week's
end?

a. He is 14 pounds heavier

b. He is full of sh*t.

c. He has bought three more classic cars

d. All of the above

He becomes the poster boy for starving africans.

9. Captain American sails to Hawaii in 31 days. On several days he is
thrown
about the ship, severely striking his head.
What is the best conclusion about his trip:

a. It has knocked some common sense into him, he now sees Bush as a free
spending socialist

b. It has knocked him senseless, he now wants McCain as president

c. He never really left. He's been on a one month drunken bender in a
Seattle flophouse.

d. He was never right to begin with, so nothing is new.


C. But someone else was buying.

10. What is the next word in this sequence: Red Leicester, Tilsit,
Caerphilly...

a. Bazuki

b. Venezuelan Beaver

c. Bel Pease

d. Wenslydale

D?

"Gilligan" wrote in message
newsnISa.14142

3. Gilligan releases his flying monkeys for a flying nonstop round trip to
Katysails to steal naughty things from her clothesline.
It's a 2,000 mile roundtrip and the monkeys can only fly 1,000 miles
without
food. The monkeys fly at 100 mph.
At three hours after the monkeys are released, Gilligan releases swallows
that carry coconuts to the monkeys for replenishment.
What is the airspeed of a laden swallow?

I am dismayed that, of the three respondents thus far, *none* have answered
this correctly. When inquired of the airspeed of a laden swallow, the
proper, nay, only answer is...

African or European?


--
Wally
I demand rigidly-defined areas of uncertainty!
www.art-gallery.myby.co.uk

Gilligan wrote:
ASA IQ Test

1. Capt Neal, Jonathan, Bobsprit and Katysails have returned from a glorious
day of sailing aboard Capt Neal's fine blue water cruiser.
They are offshore and must take the dinghy to get to land. Only two of them
can fit in the dinghy at a time.
If Bobsprit is left alone with Jonathan, Bobsprit will bugger poor Jonathan.
If Capt Neal is left alone with Katysails, he will pinch her and she will
slap him.
How do the four of them get ashore to enjoy an evening at the Sneaky Tikki
without Jonathan getting buggered, Katysails pinched or Capt Neal slapped?

They use the wideband internet connection for a water taxi.



2. Captain Mooron is out at sea recovering from a bad hangover.
In this distance he sees a double vision of a fast approaching tanker.
Moorons proper course of action is:

a. Alternately wink each eye and watch the double vision. The tanker image
that remains in place is the true tanker. He steers clear of it.

b. Take the Enfield and shoot at the middle of them.

c. Take three bong hits to clear his vision.

d. Get on the radio and let them know he doesn't use soap or wear underwear.

None of the above. He is drunk and it's just a bad dream.



3. Gilligan releases his flying monkeys for a flying nonstop round trip to
Katysails to steal naughty things from her clothesline.
It's a 2,000 mile roundtrip and the monkeys can only fly 1,000 miles without
food. The monkeys fly at 100 mph.
At three hours after the monkeys are released, Gilligan releases swallows
that carry coconuts to the monkeys for replenishment.
What is the airspeed of a laden swallow?

Supersonic if an F14 is vectored to his position


4. What is your favorite colour?

Fiji blue.


5. On Monday Bobsprit buys a C&C 32 for $16,000. On Tuesday he buys a
Bugatti Classic for $8,000 and sells the radar from his boat for $400.
On Wednesday Bobsprit buys an inflatable boat for $1200, uses it and sells
it on Friday for $1400. On Thursday Bobsprit buys yet another classic car, a
Fiat Abarth for $16,000 and sells it the next day for $20,000.
On Friday Bobsprit sells the Bugatti for $12,000 and sells his Saab for
$3,000.
During the entire week what is the most cash Bob has out of pocket?

a. $16,000

b. $24,000

c. It's Suzzette's money

d. Bobsprit is lying.

e. None. he is always buying and selling on behalf of others.


6. Which of the following statements goes most closely with: "The Alien
Girls are to beauty as"

a. Ganz is to Gay

b. Bobsprit is to bluster

c. Jax is to intelligence

d. Neal's boat is to bristol

c.

7. A dab of tallow place in a wooden mast crack is best suited for:

a. Covering unsightly cracks

b. Keeping out moisture

c. Keeping flies off of the helmsman

d. Upsetting the navigator

e. being a spare part for the sounding lead.


8. Bobsprit eats 6000 cal a day. His basal metabolism requires 2000 cal a
day. 1/2 pound of fat is equal to 2000 stored calories.
Bobsprit becomes constipated for one week, but continues his regular diet.
How can Bobsprit's condition be most accurately described at the week's end?

a. He is 14 pounds heavier

b. He is full of sh*t.

c. He has bought three more classic cars

d. All of the above


b.


9. Captain American sails to Hawaii in 31 days. On several days he is thrown
about the ship, severely striking his head.
What is the best conclusion about his trip:

a. It has knocked some common sense into him, he now sees Bush as a free
spending socialist

b. It has knocked him senseless, he now wants McCain as president

c. He never really left. He's been on a one month drunken bender in a
Seattle flophouse.

d. He was never right to begin with, so nothing is new.


d.


10. What is the next word in this sequence: Red Leicester, Tilsit,
Caerphilly...

a. Bazuki

b. Venezuelan Beaver

c. Bel Pease

d. Wenslydale

c.


And my score is?

Cheers MC

On Mon, 21 Jul 2003 02:39:16 GMT, "Gilligan"
wrote this crap:

4. What is your favorite colour?

Clear.





Ave Imperator Bush!
Bush Was Right! Four More Beers!