Gilligan wrote:

ASA IQ Test

1. Capt Neal, Jonathan, Bobsprit and Katysails have returned from a glorious
day of sailing aboard Capt Neal's fine blue water cruiser.
They are offshore and must take the dinghy to get to land. Only two of them
can fit in the dinghy at a time.
If Bobsprit is left alone with Jonathan, Bobsprit will bugger poor Jonathan.
If Capt Neal is left alone with Katysails, he will pinch her and she will
slap him.
How do the four of them get ashore to enjoy an evening at the Sneaky Tikki
without Jonathan getting buggered, Katysails pinched or Capt Neal slapped?

Katysails and Jonathon use the dinghy. They both know they're
safe from each other. Bobsprit's buoancy allows him to be
floated in, secured to the painter. Capt Neal, of course, simply
walks across the water.


2. Captain Mooron is out at sea recovering from a bad hangover.
In this distance he sees a double vision of a fast approaching tanker.
Moorons proper course of action is:

a. Alternately wink each eye and watch the double vision. The tanker image
that remains in place is the true tanker. He steers clear of it.

b. Take the Enfield and shoot at the middle of them.

c. Take three bong hits to clear his vision.

d. Get on the radio and let them know he doesn't use soap or wear underwear.

None of the above. A hangover implies a prior drinking bout, and
Mooron's drinking is continuous.


3. Gilligan releases his flying monkeys for a flying nonstop round trip to
Katysails to steal naughty things from her clothesline.
It's a 2,000 mile roundtrip and the monkeys can only fly 1,000 miles without
food. The monkeys fly at 100 mph.
At three hours after the monkeys are released, Gilligan releases swallows
that carry coconuts to the monkeys for replenishment.
What is the airspeed of a laden swallow?

Insufficient information. Since they're all going to be shot by
Katy, if not also along route, we need their altitude at the time
of projectile implantation. Then one can either apply altitude*G,
or terminal velocity for a free falling FM, and swallow+nut
ombination.


4. What is your favorite colour?

You're not reading your script. Your supposed to be colorblind
or the gag wont work.


5. On Monday Bobsprit buys a C&C 32 for $16,000. On Tuesday he buys a
Bugatti Classic for $8,000 and sells the radar from his boat for $400.
On Wednesday Bobsprit buys an inflatable boat for $1200, uses it and sells
it on Friday for $1400. On Thursday Bobsprit buys yet another classic car, a
Fiat Abarth for $16,000 and sells it the next day for $20,000.
On Friday Bobsprit sells the Bugatti for $12,000 and sells his Saab for
$3,000.
During the entire week what is the most cash Bob has out of pocket?

a. $16,000

b. $24,000

c. It's Suzzette's money

d. Bobsprit is lying.

None of the above. The answer is "none" for there was none in
pocket to begin with.


6. Which of the following statements goes most closely with: "The Alien
Girls are to beauty as"

a. Ganz is to Gay

b. Bobsprit is to bluster

c. Jax is to intelligence

d. Neal's boat is to bristol

Confusion again, Gilligan, it's supposed to be

a. Ganz is to Bobsprit

b. Bobsprit is to Jax
etc


7. A dab of tallow place in a wooden mast crack is best suited for:

a. Covering unsightly cracks

b. Keeping out moisture

c. Keeping flies off of the helmsman

d. Upsetting the navigator

Again: the REAL purpose was feeding King-size flames

8. Bobsprit

No, I refuse to proceed further. Why must you insist on
inflicting Bobsprits feeding habits on us? Any multiple choice
relating to such things should have a choice to avoid the topic
completely.

Flying Tadpole