Gilligan wrote:
ASA IQ Test

1. Capt Neal, Jonathan, Bobsprit and Katysails have returned from a glorious
day of sailing aboard Capt Neal's fine blue water cruiser.
They are offshore and must take the dinghy to get to land. Only two of them
can fit in the dinghy at a time.
If Bobsprit is left alone with Jonathan, Bobsprit will bugger poor Jonathan.
If Capt Neal is left alone with Katysails, he will pinch her and she will
slap him.
How do the four of them get ashore to enjoy an evening at the Sneaky Tikki
without Jonathan getting buggered, Katysails pinched or Capt Neal slapped?

They use the wideband internet connection for a water taxi.



2. Captain Mooron is out at sea recovering from a bad hangover.
In this distance he sees a double vision of a fast approaching tanker.
Moorons proper course of action is:

a. Alternately wink each eye and watch the double vision. The tanker image
that remains in place is the true tanker. He steers clear of it.

b. Take the Enfield and shoot at the middle of them.

c. Take three bong hits to clear his vision.

d. Get on the radio and let them know he doesn't use soap or wear underwear.

None of the above. He is drunk and it's just a bad dream.



3. Gilligan releases his flying monkeys for a flying nonstop round trip to
Katysails to steal naughty things from her clothesline.
It's a 2,000 mile roundtrip and the monkeys can only fly 1,000 miles without
food. The monkeys fly at 100 mph.
At three hours after the monkeys are released, Gilligan releases swallows
that carry coconuts to the monkeys for replenishment.
What is the airspeed of a laden swallow?

Supersonic if an F14 is vectored to his position


4. What is your favorite colour?

Fiji blue.


5. On Monday Bobsprit buys a C&C 32 for $16,000. On Tuesday he buys a
Bugatti Classic for $8,000 and sells the radar from his boat for $400.
On Wednesday Bobsprit buys an inflatable boat for $1200, uses it and sells
it on Friday for $1400. On Thursday Bobsprit buys yet another classic car, a
Fiat Abarth for $16,000 and sells it the next day for $20,000.
On Friday Bobsprit sells the Bugatti for $12,000 and sells his Saab for
$3,000.
During the entire week what is the most cash Bob has out of pocket?

a. $16,000

b. $24,000

c. It's Suzzette's money

d. Bobsprit is lying.

e. None. he is always buying and selling on behalf of others.


6. Which of the following statements goes most closely with: "The Alien
Girls are to beauty as"

a. Ganz is to Gay

b. Bobsprit is to bluster

c. Jax is to intelligence

d. Neal's boat is to bristol

c.

7. A dab of tallow place in a wooden mast crack is best suited for:

a. Covering unsightly cracks

b. Keeping out moisture

c. Keeping flies off of the helmsman

d. Upsetting the navigator

e. being a spare part for the sounding lead.


8. Bobsprit eats 6000 cal a day. His basal metabolism requires 2000 cal a
day. 1/2 pound of fat is equal to 2000 stored calories.
Bobsprit becomes constipated for one week, but continues his regular diet.
How can Bobsprit's condition be most accurately described at the week's end?

a. He is 14 pounds heavier

b. He is full of sh*t.

c. He has bought three more classic cars

d. All of the above


b.


9. Captain American sails to Hawaii in 31 days. On several days he is thrown
about the ship, severely striking his head.
What is the best conclusion about his trip:

a. It has knocked some common sense into him, he now sees Bush as a free
spending socialist

b. It has knocked him senseless, he now wants McCain as president

c. He never really left. He's been on a one month drunken bender in a
Seattle flophouse.

d. He was never right to begin with, so nothing is new.


d.


10. What is the next word in this sequence: Red Leicester, Tilsit,
Caerphilly...

a. Bazuki

b. Venezuelan Beaver

c. Bel Pease

d. Wenslydale

c.


And my score is?

Cheers MC