McCain Holds Auditions for Angry Mob:
Open Casting Call for Irate White People

With just three weeks to go until Election Day, the McCain campaign has
launched a nationwide talent search to find angry audience members for
their increasingly hate-filled rallies, McCain aides confirmed today.

"People assume that when we hold a rally, angry white people just
magically appear, but that's not the case," said McCain aide Hardin
Carley. "The fact is, a lot of planning goes into this."

In order to stock their rallies with the requisite number of irate white
voters, the McCain camp has reached out to Hollywood, retaining the
services of casting agent Tracy Klugian, who found the angry crowds for
the 2000 film "Gladiator."

"They were really clear about my assignment," said Mr. Klugian. "They
were like, we want the same kind of crowds you had for ‘Gladiator,' only
more bloodthirsty."

Toby DeBreaux, a self-described angry white man from Dayton, Ohio, was
one of a thousand hopefuls who showed up at Mr. Klugian's open casting
call in New York City over the weekend.

With full-throated outbursts like "Liar!", "Terrorist!", and "Kill
him!", Mr. DeBreaux seemed to impress the Hollywood talent scout.

"He really seemed crazy-angry," said Mr. Klugian. "It was like watching
Cindy McCain off her meds."

Elsewhere, in a sign that the world financial crisis may be deepening,
leaders of the G7 nations asked President Bush for cab fare back to the
airport.

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John H.