BUSH'S RESIGNATION SPEECH



Normally, I start these things out by saying 'My Fellow Americans.' Not
doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don't know who
more than half of you are anymore. I do know something terrible has
happened, and that you're really not fellow Americans any longer.
I'll cut right to the chase he I quit. Now before anyone gets all in
a lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution
or something, let me assure you: There's been no breaking of laws or
impeachable offenses in this office.



The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm fed up with you people. I'm fed
up because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the
world. Or of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the
majority of you are too damned lazy to do your homework and figure it out.
Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians and
the news media.



Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of you are
too damn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's
increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small
handful of noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and
beachfront property than your economic security.

We face real threats in the world. Don't give me this 'blood for oil'
thing. If I were trading blood for oil I would've already seized Iraq
's oil fields and let the rest of the country go to hell . And don't
give me this 'Bush Lied...People Died' crap either. If I were the liar
you morons take me for, I could've easily had chemical weapons planted
in Iraq so they could be 'discovered.' Instead, I owned up to the fact
that the intelligence was faulty.



Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the
goods, same as me. Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq
was official US policy before I came into office. Some guy named '
Clinton ' established that policy. Bet you didn't know that t, did you?
Now some of you morons want to be led by a junior senator with no
understanding of foreign policy or economics, and this nitwit says we
should attack Pakistan , a nuclear ally. And then he wants to go to
Iran and make peace with a terrorist who says he's going to destroy us.
While he's doing that, he wants to give Iraq to al Qaeda, Afghanistan
to the Taliban, Israel to the Palestinians, and your money to the IRS
so the government can give welfare to illegal aliens, who he will make
into citizens, so they can vote to re-elect him. He also thinks we just
need to sit down and talk to Iran and things would be better (what the
hell do you think we have been doing behind the scenes), and we should
stop our foreign aid to Israel . Did you sleep through high school or
what?


You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during
the cold war, there were two major competing political and economic
models squaring off. We won that war, but we did so because
fundamentally, the Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were
simply able to outspend and out-tech them.



That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care
if they survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine, as long as
they weren't also committed to taking as many of you with them as they
can. But they are. They want to kill you, and the *******s are all over
the globe.

You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in
the United States since September 11. But you're not. That's because
you've got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military,
law enforcement, and homeland security people have worked to make sure
of that. When this whole mess started, I warned you that this would be
a long and difficult fight. I'm disappointed how many of you people
think a long and difficult fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor.'



Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things
through the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that
wars should last a few months, a few years, tops.


Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy.
Every time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a donation to
a cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well, dang it, you might
just as well Fed Ex a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the
same thing.

In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all over
the Internet . It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times, USA
Today, or on NBC News. But even if it were, I doubt you'd be any smarter
Most of you would rather watch American Idol or Dancing with Stars.

I could say more about your expectations that the government will always
be there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave a city
that's below sea level and has a hurricane approaching.



I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your own
wallet, is where the money comes from. But I've come to the conclusion
that were I to do so, it would sail right over your heads.

So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an energy-efficient
house down there (Al Gore could only dream) and the capability to be
fully self-sufficient for years. No one ever heard of Crawford before I
got elected, and as soon as I'm done here pretty much no one will ever
hear of it again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before
the last pillars of America fall.



Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too. That means Pelosi is your
new President. You asked for it. Watch what she does carefully,
because I still have a glimmer of hope that there are just enough of you
remaining who are smart enough to turn this thing around in 2008.

So that's it. God bless what's left of America .

Some of you know what I mean . The rest of you, kiss off.


PS - You might want to start learning Farsi, and buy a Koran . Obama
already has his copy.

"Hugh Morris" wrote in message
...
BUSH'S RESIGNATION SPEECH



Normally, I start these things out by saying 'My Fellow Americans.' Not
doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don't know who
more than half of you are anymore. I do know something terrible has
happened, and that you're really not fellow Americans any longer.
I'll cut right to the chase he I quit. Now before anyone gets all in a
lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution or
something, let me assure you: There's been no breaking of laws or
impeachable offenses in this office.



The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm fed up with you people. I'm fed up
because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the world.
Or of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the majority
of you are too damned lazy to do your homework and figure it out.
Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians and the
news media.



Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of you are
too damn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's
increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful
of noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront property
than your economic security.

We face real threats in the world. Don't give me this 'blood for oil'
thing. If I were trading blood for oil I would've already seized Iraq 's
oil fields and let the rest of the country go to hell . And don't give me
this 'Bush Lied...People Died' crap either. If I were the liar you morons
take me for, I could've easily had chemical weapons planted in Iraq so
they could be 'discovered.' Instead, I owned up to the fact that the
intelligence was faulty.



Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods,
same as me. Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was
official US policy before I came into office. Some guy named ' Clinton
' established that policy. Bet you didn't know that t, did you?
Now some of you morons want to be led by a junior senator with no
understanding of foreign policy or economics, and this nitwit says we
should attack Pakistan , a nuclear ally. And then he wants to go to Iran
and make peace with a terrorist who says he's going to destroy us. While
he's doing that, he wants to give Iraq to al Qaeda, Afghanistan to the
Taliban, Israel to the Palestinians, and your money to the IRS so the
government can give welfare to illegal aliens, who he will make into
citizens, so they can vote to re-elect him. He also thinks we just need to
sit down and talk to Iran and things would be better (what the hell do
you think we have been doing behind the scenes), and we should stop our
foreign aid to Israel . Did you sleep through high school or what?


You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during the
cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models
squaring off. We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the
Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to
outspend and out-tech them.



That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care
if they survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine, as long as
they weren't also committed to taking as many of you with them as they
can. But they are. They want to kill you, and the *******s are all over
the globe.

You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in the
United States since September 11. But you're not. That's because you've
got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law
enforcement, and homeland security people have worked to make sure of
that. When this whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a
long and difficult fight. I'm disappointed how many of you people think a
long and difficult fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor.'



Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things through
the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars
should last a few months, a few years, tops.


Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy. Every
time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a donation to a
cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well, dang it, you might just
as well Fed Ex a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same
thing.

In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all over the
Internet . It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times, USA Today,
or on NBC News. But even if it were, I doubt you'd be any smarter Most of
you would rather watch American Idol or Dancing with Stars.

I could say more about your expectations that the government will always
be there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave a city
that's below sea level and has a hurricane approaching.



I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your own
wallet, is where the money comes from. But I've come to the conclusion
that were I to do so, it would sail right over your heads.

So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an energy-efficient house
down there (Al Gore could only dream) and the capability to be fully
self-sufficient for years. No one ever heard of Crawford before I got
elected, and as soon as I'm done here pretty much no one will ever hear of
it again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before the last
pillars of America fall.



Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too. That means Pelosi is your new
President. You asked for it. Watch what she does carefully, because I
still have a glimmer of hope that there are just enough of you remaining
who are smart enough to turn this thing around in 2008.

So that's it. God bless what's left of America .

Some of you know what I mean . The rest of you, kiss off.


PS - You might want to start learning Farsi, and buy a Koran . Obama
already has his copy.