"At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child - miserable, as all spoiled
children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless.
Liberalism is a philosphy of sniveling brats."

"The principle feature of American liberalism is sanctimoniousness. By
loudly denouncing all bad things--war and hunger and date rape--liberals
testify to their own terrific goodness. More important, they promote
themselves to membership in a self-selecting elite of those who care deeply
about such things. . . . It´s a kind of natural aristocracy, and the
wonderful thing about this aristocracy is that you don´t have to be brave,
smart, strong or even lucky to join it, you just have to be liberal." --
P.J. O'Rourke


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Convertible political joke.
This one tells both ways.
*********

A man died and went to Heaven.

When he got through the pearly gates, he saw St. Peter standing in front of a
huge wall, completley covered with clocks. Some of the clocks appeared to tick
once in a while, some moved rather steadily, and others seemed to be stopped.

"What are all those clocks, Pete?"

"My child, those are the clocks of lies. Everybody is born with one, and the
hands are set to midnight. Each time somebody tells a lie, the time on their
clock advances a minute. For example, here is St. Francis of Assisi's clock. In
his entire life, St Francis only told six lies so the hands only advanced to
0:06."

St. Pete contiuned, "This clock over here belongs to Jimmy Carter. He racked up
some hours a while back, but the hands seldom move these days."

The new arrival was fascinated. "Wow, that's really something! Where's the
clock for {insert John Kerry or George Bush here}?"

"Oh, that," said St. Peter, "has been relocated to God's office. He's using it
for a ceiling fan".