BoatBanter.com - OT How to be a good Republican

NOYB wrote:
wrote in message
oups.com...
How To Be A Good Repubican
1. You have to believe that the nation's current 8 year prosperity

Last 8 years, eh? Finally you admit that we've had prosperity the entire
time that Bush has been office.

I take it you can't comprehend when this was written? Hint: there are
more clues below....

was
due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but yesterday's
gasoline prices are all Bill Clinton's fault.

2. You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success
all on their own.

There are a lot of privileged Kennedy's who screwed it up big time by raping
and murdering. Privilege doesn't breed success. Good child-rearing breeds
success.

Once again, you've totally missed the point, or has chosen to ignore
it.

3. You have to be against all government programs, but expect Social
Security checks on time.

Social Security checks are simply a rebate of your own money. Of course
they should be on time.

But, it's still a government program, and the republicans are against
government programs.

4. You have to believe that AIDS victims deserve their disease, but
smokers with lung cancer and overweight individuals with heart disease
don't deserve theirs.

Some people are overweight due to genetics. But, yes, smokers and
over-eaters who are obese deserve their disease. And the vast majority of
AIDS victims do to.

What a compassionate person, I'm certainly glad you decided to make
false teeth for the elderly, as opposed to doing dental work that would
require some compassion.

5. You have to appreciate the power rush that comes with sporting a
gun.

I don't own a gun. I don't need a gun...even if you came down to try and
spit in my face.

Oh, don't tell your fellow republicans you don't own a gun, they'll
kick you out.

6. You have to believe...everything Rush Limbaugh says.

Haven't listened to Rush since 1996.

Yeah, sure, I've seen you use his quotes right here. So, Hannity's your
new guy?

7. You have to believe that the agricultural, restaurant, housing and
hotel industries can survive without immigrant labor.

No they can't. In fact, Bush favors immigrant labor to work jobs that
others won't work.

False.

8. You have to believe God hates homosexuality, but loves the
deathpenalty.

I oppose the death penalty...and homosexuality.

You're too narrow minded to understand that homosexuality isn't
something that someone desires. I'll bet just about any gay person
would rather not be that way.

9. You have to believe society is color-blind and growing up black in
America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote
for Alan Keyes.

Actually, growing up black or minority actually increases your opportunities
for scholarship money and admission into top-notch colleges. It's called
affirmative action.

So, growing up in a slum, having to support your ailing parents by
selling drugs because there's no honest work there, affords you a
better opportunity than growing up in a successful, upper middle class
or higher family????

10. You have to believe that pollution is OK as long as it makes a
profit.

Nobody believes pollution is OK. What our side disagrees with your side on
is the accuracy of the Global warming claim, and exactly how much impact CO
gases from cars really have on the ozone layer.

Yeah, only about 99.99% of scientists believe and understand the impact
of global warming.

11. You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray
to Allah or Buddha.

You can pray to whomever you'd like. But prayer should be part of school
during solemn moments (ie--after 9/11, after the shuttle explosions, etc)

Why? If my child is raised an atheist, or agnostic, why should he or
she have her education disrupted every day by prayer?

12. You have to believe Newt Gingrich and Henry Hyde were really
faithful husbands.

Who cares.

That's odd, you seem to think Clinton is evil for just the same thing,
and you righties bring it up in almost every discussion about him!

13. You have to believe speaking a few Spanish phrases makes you
instantly popular in the barrio.

Chinga te cabron.

See? Point made.

14. You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.

Republicans were teenagers once. We know better.

15. You have to be against government interference in business, until
your oil company, corporation or Savings and Loan is about to go broke
and you beg for a government bail out.

16. You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares
your hatred for AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President Clinton.

Jesus hates Clinton? Why? Is he a homosexual?

ZOOM, that went right over your head, didn't it?

17. You have to believe government has nothing to do with providing
police protection, national defense, and building roads.

Those are about the only good things government does. They provide the
infrastructure, and protection against threats...both domestic and foreign.

Oh, so you DON'T like Bush's policies?

18. You have to believe a poor, minority student with a disciplinary
history and failing grades will be admitted into an elite private
school with a $1,000 voucher.

Even if he's rich and white with a disciplinary history and failing grades,
he doesn't belong in an elite private school.

You COMPLETELY missed the point there!