Ok, so I'm new to boating and I've got an 18 foot boat with which to get my
feet wet. Here's the first couple of dumbass things I've done with or to my
new boat. Let's hope that I start learning from other people's mistakes and
don't make the same one's twice. In fact, I wish that for everyone!

Did you know that when you raft up with a friends taller boat that someone's
fender is going to rub the decal off your boat? No worries, it's a small
blemish (I'm sure it's not the last).

Did you know that the Sherriff doesn't like it when you create a wake in the
no wake zone? Oops; seriously, it was a definition glitch (a wake is not
defined by the presence or absence of white water - a wake is a wake is a
wake). I got off with a warning, but had to suffer a prolonged discussion
as I was used as training material.

Did you know that when you tie your boat up alongside the open water side of
the dock, and you tie it tight to the dock, that even with fenders, your
protective rubber trim will get knocked out of its track? In defense of my
boating buddy, he told me not to tie it tight to the dock. The problem was,
from a distance, it sounded like he told me to tie it tight to the dock.
Sigh. I did learn that those orange pfd's make great fenders.

Not last and not least, did you know that you should put the prop into
trailer mode the second you tie up to the launch dock? No damage on pulling
up the ramp, but plenty of embarrassment.

Now for the piece de resistance. A writer I'm not, but I'll try to convey
the scene for you boat ramp sadists. We pull up to the dock and squeeze in
behind a boat that was just launched. The boat in front is ready to go, but
the boss went to park his trailer and the rest of us are stuck (at least
those of us that aren't quite ready for the delicate task of driving the
boat onto the trailer) waiting for his boat to move out of the way. Well, I
had a great parking space so I was ready to back the trailer down as soon as
the just launched boat found it's owner so it could pull away and let us
move our boat forward. My wife, an impatient woman, god love her, decides
she isn't going to wait for the boat to move, unties our boat, jumps in the
water with the boat and walks it to the middle of the ramp. The first thing
I know about this is when I look back (remember, still waiting for an absent
owner to move his boat) and see my wife chest deep in water not even holding
a dock line as the boat begins to turn sideways. Yeah, this is where I
start yelling at her 'cause I'm an ass and don't know what else to do. Now
I have to back down (remember, I'm new to backing trailers) to the middle of
the ramp (sorry folks, I know I'm taking up two spaces, but .... To make
matters worse, we can't agree on whether the boat is on the trailer
correctly (I'm worried about is to far to one side or the other and hitting
the wheel well. Enough is enough and I pull the damn boat out of the water
and out of the way only to have my kids run up and tell me the boat ain't
right. Ah crap! It probably wasn't as bad as it seemed, but it was
cockeyed on the trailer. I didn't realize that lined up means nothing if
the blasted thing is still floating when you start yanking it out of the
water. It gets even better. For some crazy reason (it's 5pm on a Sunday
night), there's a line a block long waiting to launch (someone's got to
explain this to me). I figure I'm not going anywhere until I reload my
boat, but the next guy in line with the sea doos, says hell no get in line.
And so on. Anyway, we got the boat reloaded, correctly this time, but we're
not speaking to each other for awhile (at least not anything nice - I'm
dying from the embarrassment of a wife who won't do what I tell her to do
and a hundred witnesses to that and to me not knowing what the hell I'm
doing with the boat. Maybe you can picture this; maybe not. It was
actually the next trip where I figured out why the boat didn't stay where I
thought I had put it.

Hey, I'm sure there's more to follow, but I hope not!

Marty