ROTFLMAO. Sounds like my wife and I when we got our first boat. You'll get
better at it in no time.... Roller trailer or bunks? With rollers,
you're better off walking it on anyway, and you don't have to pull nearly so
far into the water. Just be sure the crank is locked AND you put the safety
chain on before you yank it out- saw some poor guy dump his $30,000 cruiser
on the ramp 'cuz he forgot to put the safety chain on. Wife wife was....
well, you get the picture.

Me and the wife had a helluva public yelling match the first time we ever
took the boat out and I tried to drive it onto the roller trailer....ooops.
Then backed into the steel ramp support with my stainless prop idling
backwards...ooops. (minor nick- no big deal)

Then there was the time we took a few friends out for a lake cruise and were
just about ready to leave the courtesy dock...."gee, boat's sittin' kinda
low, isn't it? ARRRGH! Forgot the F'n plug!" Ran over to jam my finger in
the drain hole from outside (I/O) , had someone turn bilge pump on (engine
running, water past the oil pan about 12 inches deep in the bilge) and get
me the drain plug and a wrench from the toolbox....working blind underwater
by feel to install the plug... Of course, now our Lab thinks it's time to
play fetch in the water with Dad, so here she comes licking me and jumping
out of the boat....Pumped the bilge for 15 minutes before it
emptied...(while we idled out of the no wake zone) Guests looking at me
warily for awhile...wife looking at me angrily for awhile.......

Then there was the time my 7 yr old niece, who is deathly afraid of big
water (bigger than a small pool) finally agreed to ride the big flat
2-person tube.... no adults volunteering to take her....ok, big sister (16)
can take you, just be sure to pull up on the front of the tube so it doesn't
submarine when I take off.....I take off...the tube submarines completely
underwater....she refuses to go near the tube again....

One April 1st weekend this year it was unseasonably warm here (got up to
about 79) so we took the boat out for an early shakedown cruise on the
lake...pulled into a cove for lunch...water is still about 50 degrees...2
mallards (a male and a female) fly in and land 20 feet from the
boat....Yellow Labrador Retriever stands at full attention...dog launches
herself out and starts swimming after them...female flies to the right, male
flies about 10 yards toward the main lake and lands...dog starts to catch
him...he flies about 10 more yards and lands... dog isn't listening to
anyone except the duck... dog starts to catch him, etc, etc, about 10 times
until the duck leads the dog out into the main lake about 1/4 mi away and
around the bend and out of sight... wife is now insisting that I 'DO
SOMETHING'...I'm laughing..."she'll come back"...she doesnt come back for a
couple of minutes, so we pull anchor and idle out...here comes the dog
swimming back (no duck, but she doesn't look any fatter) ...makes a beeline
for the muddier shore...runs back to where we were...we turn around and go
back...the dog finds a large dead sunfish floating at the
shoreline...crunches him down in 3 or 4 chomps- head, bones, tail and all...
hops back up onto the swim platform and into the boat....shakes cold fishy
water everywhere.

Ever throw the anchor out and realize that you didn't tie the line off until
you see the end of it follow the anchor to the bottom of the 25 foot lake? I
have... Wife saw me do that, too. Ever jump in with your prescription
sunglasses on and realize that they don't float just as they sink and
disappear from view? Yep, she saw that one as well.... Ever get caught
almost hitting a "no wake" bouy because you were checking out hot chick in
the red bikini on the houseboat nearby? ...Nahhh, she didn't see that one-
she was busy checking out bikini girl's husband...

and so on....

Boats love water. Boats hate solid stuff.


"Genius? Not!" wrote in message
. ..
Ok, so I'm new to boating and I've got an 18 foot boat with which to get
my feet wet. Here's the first couple of dumbass things I've done with or
to my new boat. Let's hope that I start learning from other people's
mistakes and don't make the same one's twice. In fact, I wish that for
everyone!

Did you know that when you raft up with a friends taller boat that
someone's fender is going to rub the decal off your boat? No worries,
it's a small blemish (I'm sure it's not the last).

Did you know that the Sherriff doesn't like it when you create a wake in
the no wake zone? Oops; seriously, it was a definition glitch (a wake is
not defined by the presence or absence of white water - a wake is a wake
is a wake). I got off with a warning, but had to suffer a prolonged
discussion as I was used as training material.

Did you know that when you tie your boat up alongside the open water side
of the dock, and you tie it tight to the dock, that even with fenders,
your protective rubber trim will get knocked out of its track? In defense
of my boating buddy, he told me not to tie it tight to the dock. The
problem was, from a distance, it sounded like he told me to tie it tight
to the dock. Sigh. I did learn that those orange pfd's make great
fenders.

Not last and not least, did you know that you should put the prop into
trailer mode the second you tie up to the launch dock? No damage on
pulling up the ramp, but plenty of embarrassment.

Now for the piece de resistance. A writer I'm not, but I'll try to convey
the scene for you boat ramp sadists. We pull up to the dock and squeeze
in behind a boat that was just launched. The boat in front is ready to
go, but the boss went to park his trailer and the rest of us are stuck (at
least those of us that aren't quite ready for the delicate task of driving
the boat onto the trailer) waiting for his boat to move out of the way.
Well, I had a great parking space so I was ready to back the trailer down
as soon as the just launched boat found it's owner so it could pull away
and let us move our boat forward. My wife, an impatient woman, god love
her, decides she isn't going to wait for the boat to move, unties our
boat, jumps in the water with the boat and walks it to the middle of the
ramp. The first thing I know about this is when I look back (remember,
still waiting for an absent owner to move his boat) and see my wife chest
deep in water not even holding a dock line as the boat begins to turn
sideways. Yeah, this is where I start yelling at her 'cause I'm an ass
and don't know what else to do. Now I have to back down (remember, I'm
new to backing trailers) to the middle of the ramp (sorry folks, I know
I'm taking up two spaces, but .... To make matters worse, we can't agree
on whether the boat is on the trailer correctly (I'm worried about is to
far to one side or the other and hitting the wheel well. Enough is enough
and I pull the damn boat out of the water and out of the way only to have
my kids run up and tell me the boat ain't right. Ah crap! It probably
wasn't as bad as it seemed, but it was cockeyed on the trailer. I didn't
realize that lined up means nothing if the blasted thing is still floating
when you start yanking it out of the water. It gets even better. For some
crazy reason (it's 5pm on a Sunday night), there's a line a block long
waiting to launch (someone's got to explain this to me). I figure I'm not
going anywhere until I reload my boat, but the next guy in line with the
sea doos, says hell no get in line. And so on. Anyway, we got the boat
reloaded, correctly this time, but we're not speaking to each other for
awhile (at least not anything nice - I'm dying from the embarrassment of a
wife who won't do what I tell her to do and a hundred witnesses to that
and to me not knowing what the hell I'm doing with the boat. Maybe you
can picture this; maybe not. It was actually the next trip where I
figured out why the boat didn't stay where I thought I had put it.

Hey, I'm sure there's more to follow, but I hope not!

Marty