United States Grammar School Interim Report to Parents
May 25, 2004
By Nancy Greggs

Dear Mr. and Mrs. G.H.W. Bush,

Once again, it is that time of year when we update the parents of our
students on their child's progress, and we regret to inform you that your
son, Georgie, is not doing as well as we'd hoped and expected when he
embarked on his four-year program at our school.

As you are well aware, Georgie was installed as class president at the start
of the school year, despite the fact that the majority of his fellow
students did not vote for him. We foresaw problems immediately, but were
assured by several school board members (who, as we understand it, are
friends of your family) that this would not result in any real difficulty.
Unfortunately, they have been proven wrong.

In the area of scholastic achievement, despite our best efforts, Georgie is
still reading and speaking at a grade level far below our usual standards.
At this point, we are not sure if his failure to learn is due to laziness
and a lack of ability to apply himself to his studies, or if he simply lacks
the intellectual capacity to improve in these areas.

His oral presentations to the class are particularly troubling; it is
apparent that Georgie has not read the necessary materials, and he often
simply fabricates facts to hide this shortcoming. In oral exams, he tends to
repeat the same answers over and over, e.g. "The economy is good; jobs are
on their way," indicating a profound failure to keep up with the Current
Events portion of the curriculum.

Georgie also tends to fabricate elaborate stories about himself - which,
admittedly, can sometimes be very amusing. During a school celebration last
May, he delighted his fellow students by coming to class in a little "flight
suit" (just like the grown-ups wear!), and had everyone in stitches with his
story about the family dog having eaten his report card from military
pre-school!

On the whole, however, Georgie does not play well with other children. His
"leadership" in the classroom continues to divide many students, one against
the other. Other study groups, such as our French and German-language
classes, are no longer willing to cooperate with Georgie's group, even
though they have traditionally done so in the past.

Your son also displays a lack of taking responsibility for his failings, and
seems unable to appreciate the consequences of his actions. Although he was
provided with the best textbooks on the subjects of the Economy, Job
Creation, The Environment, et cetera, these books were damaged or completely
destroyed within a matter of months. Georgie insists that he "inherited"
these books in poor condition, despite all evidence to the contrary. (In
fact, these same textbooks were previously used by one of our very best
students, who actually returned them in better condition than he found
them!)

During his first few weeks with us, Georgie quickly became part of a group
of other "problem students." Despite warnings, he has consistently
befriended children whom we consider to be "bad elements," such as Little
Kenny Lay and a foreign-exchange student named Chalabi. Both of these
youngsters have been expelled from other schools due to their involvement in
cheating other students out of their lunch money. We feel that these kinds
of relationships can only lead to no good, and hope that you will advise
your child accordingly.

Georgie often displays aggressive behaviour in the schoolyard, and recently
assaulted a student in another school district, completely unprovoked. When
asked about this incident, Georgie insisted that the other child was armed
and dangerous. When investigation into the matter proved otherwise, Georgie
changed his story several times: he was just trying to "democratize" the
other child, the other child's school was harboring gang members, and so on.
Quite frankly, his story on this topic has so changed from week to week, we
simply can't trust his word at all anymore.

Georgie's friends, while not great in number, are very loyal, but tend to be
over-protective. If any of the other students point out Georgie's failing
grades, these friends simply shout them down and tell them not to speak at
all. When Georgie was summoned to the principal's office several weeks ago,
he insisted that his "best friend" come with him. We feel that it is in
Georgie's best interest to learn to stand up for himself; failure to do so
could seriously damage his ability to handle a leadership role in his adult
years.

As you are aware, final exams will be held in November, and Georgie's past
performance leads us to conclude that he will not be able to achieve the
grades necessary to continue on with another four-year term at our
institution.

Yours Truly,

Ms. J.Q. Public, Assistant Principal