On Tuesday, March 17, 2015 at 5:24:08 PM UTC-4, Mr. Luddite wrote:
On 3/17/2015 4:52 PM, jps wrote:

On Tue, 17 Mar 2015 11:25:56 -0400, "Mr. Luddite"
wrote:


Tough decision for the kids. It's not my place to advise, but I know
what I'd do.


Thanks for sharing this. I have a similar situation with an elderly
parent who refuses to move out of her house, doesn't trust anyone.

We're waiting for circumstance to dictate the path forward.

Hope we're all smart enough to figure a more graceful finish.


I am sure laws vary state to state but in general they are very
protective of the rights of the elderly. Unless a medical doctor or
psychiatrist declares them incapable of understanding their situation,
they cannot be forced to accept any form of treatment, help or be forced
into assisted living or a nursing home. The key is competency to make
rational decisions.

My wife and her sister (with support by others) have tried to convince
their mother to move to an assisted living facility for years without
success. It's hard for elderly people to give up whatever dignity and
independence they may still have.

My mother, who had a rare form of MS, fought the concept of assisted
living for years but finally realized she needed help on a 24 hour a day
basis. After my father died, she lived in a house that we purchased and
refurbished, equipping it with handicapped access and features. It was
located at the end of our house's driveway so it was convenient for us
to check up on her two or three times a day. We even got her a golf
cart so she could get outdoors and occasionally come up to our house to
visit.

But, after 7 years there her condition deteriorated to the point where
she realized she needed 24 hour assistance. It's tough when simple
things like using the bathroom are impossible without help. She stayed
fairly active in the assisted living/nursing home and had many new
friends. Fortunately she stayed mentally sharp right up to the end even
though physically her condition worsened. She was a bright woman,
understood her situation and didn't want to burden evey one else.

If you don't have it already, get a durable Power of Attorney for both general (financial) and medical. I'm going through that right now with my dad. He's still living in his house, but refuses to accept much help or admit he even needs it (he does, IMO). He's past the point of being able to take care of himself, but won't agree to go to an assisted living facility. We have a lady that comes in twice a day to make sure he gets food and meds, and my siblings and I do that on the weekends, but he really should be somewhere with 24hr care in case of a mishap. He'll have none of that, however.. They can't force it on him, and neither can we.

It's really a sad situation.

On 3/17/2015 6:37 PM, wrote:


If you don't have it already, get a durable Power of Attorney for both general (financial) and medical. I'm going through that right now with my dad. He's still living in his house, but refuses to accept much help or admit he even needs it (he does, IMO). He's past the point of being able to take care of himself, but won't agree to go to an assisted living facility. We have a lady that comes in twice a day to make sure he gets food and meds, and my siblings and I do that on the weekends, but he really should be somewhere with 24hr care in case of a mishap. He'll have none of that, however. They can't force it on him, and neither can we.

It's really a sad situation.



Good advice. Fortunately that was done a few years ago when both her
parents were reasonably healthy and able to make rational decisions.

My wife has power of attorney for all their financial matters. She's
been paying all their bills for years. Her sister has the medical power
of attorney. Since they are both on the same page regarding the
remaining parent, there is no conflict.

Both are sad of course but at 90 years old, are hopeful for a fairly
swift and peaceful passing of their mother.

It's a lesson for all of us I think. These issues should be discussed
with off spring while we are healthy and clear headed. Wishes should
be documented in a will and power(s) of attorney should be put in place.

The last thing we should do is become a burden on our kids. They have
enough problems in this day and age.