May 2, 2011
2012 Election Cancelled
Obama Buoyed by 100 Percent Approval Rating

WASHINGTON – In what historians are calling an unprecedented
development in American politics, both major parties decided today to
cancel the 2012 election.

The decision to scrap the 2012 contest came on the heels of a new poll
showing President Barack Obama with an approval rating of one hundred
percent, believed to be a record high for an American president.

Mr. Obama even polled well among Republicans, with a majority of GOP
voters agreeing with the statement, “I no longer care that he wasn’t
born here.”

The new bipartisan spirit sweeping the nation was captured well by House
Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio), who tearfully told reporters, “This is a
great day for America… oh, leave me alone, goddamn it.”

Republican presidential hopeful Donald Trump made no official
announcement, but sources said he was considering running for Prime
Minister of Canada.

The cancellation of the election comes in the aftermath of the death of
Osama bin Laden, whose last words reportedly were, “I knew I shouldn’t
have signed up for Foursquare.”

Of all the major news networks, Fox News did not report news of bin
Laden’s death, saying that it would air cartoons “until further notice.”

In Libya, Colonel Muammar Gaddafi issued the following official
statement: “Uh-oh.”

In North Korea, President Kim Jong-Il said this: “I have lost my last
friend on Facebook.”

And in Wasilla, former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin said this: “We must
find and kill Osama bin Laden.”

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From Andy Borowitz