I could honestly see our President and head of Homeland Security
saying something like this.

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In the wake of the attempted Christmas Day bombing of Northwest
Airlines flight 253, President Obama, in a news conference from the
Pacific White House in Hawaii, on Monday cautioned Americans to avoid
"lashing out against folks in puffy underpants."

Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, 23, the son of a wealthy Nigerian banker,
faces charges of attempting to destroy an airliner by detonating a
high explosive sewn into what the FBI described as "boxers or briefs
.... but clearly not adult incontinence undergarments."

"Our future as a nation depends on how we react to this incident," the
president said. "If we start profiling people based on the mere
appearance of their slacks, a lot of incontinent adults as well as
infants and toddlers will be swept up in the discriminatory backlash.
Civil rights and social justice must take precedence over our
parochial concerns about fire, explosions, crashes and the potential
of physical harm resulting from such events."

Standing side by side with the chairman of the Council of Adult
Incontinence Relations, Obama noted that some of his own relatives had
worn absorbent underwear, and "none of them ever attempted to down a
jet."

"We cannot let this isolated incident spark hate against a people who,
by and large, want nothing more than to be left alone," the president
said. "The greatest threat we face is a failure of tolerance. We will
not allow a few bad apples change who we are as Americans."

Meanwhile, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano announced new
security measures for airports, including a requirement that
passengers "dispense with belts, allowing their trousers to sag in a
manner that would reveal any potential undergarment threat."

"Sagging is still quite fashionable among America's youth," Napolitano
said, "and so we believe that these new measures will not cause
significant inconvenience to the traveling public. Every airline
passenger will submit to this security protocol to prevent it from
being discriminatory against any minority group."

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From Scott Ott - ScrappleFace.com