Don't try and teach her yourself. You're too involved emotionally.

Well, several issues here, not just emotional involvement. It's been
well demonstrated in *many* fields that rather few husbands can make a
success of teaching his wife a complex task.


"Bill Kearney" wrote:
Words like "control freak" and "divorce" seem applicable here.


Maybe. No point in being judgemental.... though I take your point to
be that the OP should back off.


Just how much good is it going to do for your relationship with your wife to
get so utterly freaked out about it? If she's not grasping it, well, what's
that saying? Is it saying she's dumb as a stone? I'm not guessing
discussing it that way is going to lead in productive directions. Or is it
that she just hates your attitude and is deliberately doing a bad job of it?
My guess is somewhere in between the two.


Actually, the latter is very common for both husbands & wives. The
spouse really really wants to do something, and one or the other
insists it be a "couples" activity, and the one who did not bring them
into the situation sabotages it... often subconsciously. Happens in
everything from shopping for houses to raising kids, and of course
sailing/cruising.


But hey, you picked her, so you're going to have to take a new tack at
dealing with her sailing skills... or suffer the consequences.

groan

wrote:
She has numerous good qualities but unfortunately sailing ability isnt
one of em.

Well, my advice is focus on the positive.

Oddly, she isnt a bad driver in a car but the two do not seem to cross
over for her.

Why would it? Driving a car is *nothing* like sailing. In fact, making
the connection rather raises my suspicion of your own sailing skills.


.... She is the control freak in our relationship so
she insists on being able to steer in spite of not being able to do it
at all.

Here's the problem- she thinks she's doing fine. The first and
foremost task for *any* teacher is to convince the student that he has
something to learn. Until you get over this bump, the rest will
assuredly not follow. The problem here is to convince her that she is
not a good helmsperson without seeming like a tyrannical jerk.

This has been easy for me, since most of my teaching of sailing was
done either in conjunction or in close proximity to one-design racing.
When another boat is passing you, it is absolutely, unarguably, &
quantifiably being steered better..


Later, after the jibe, she insisted on staying at the helm and she
wanted to get back before dark and wanted me to start the engine
because we were doing only 3.5 kts by the GPS. I replied that I had
been doing 5.5 a few minutes before and the problem would be apparent
if she looked at our wake. The wake was an incredible zigzag so the
boat could build no momentum and even the engine wouldnt help if she
was steered so erratically.

Just get the kids to yell "Snake Wake! Snake Wake" when they see her
zig-zagging.

Actually the best technique I know of to teach a person to steer by
reflex is to give them quick & certain feedback. With a tiller boat,
you can tap their hand on the back, towards the side they need to move
the tiller. With a wheel, tap one of the spokes toward where they
should turn. Or some similar system of quick & clear feedback, such
that the student can keep looking at where the boat is going and not
at the instructor or at the helm itself.

Another option is to turn her loose on a Laser some afternoon when the
wind is not too light or too strong. She'll learn... it will be the
only way to make it back to the beach and/or dock! Motivation is key!

Fresh Breezes- Doug King