Let's see if I have this: On the sailboat, she screws something up,
you fix it and get ****ed off at her, she gets ****ed off at you and
then sulks/ or fumes or does something else she knows will **** you
off--and perhaps that you will also have to fix first.
She doesn't do it in the car, or apparently in many other places.
(Just a thought, but how much did you pay for that boat, anyway?
Enough to have put in a pool/redone the kitchen/gotten a Winnebago/
done something else she would have wanted instead?)
I wonder if she goes on your boat trips to enjoy the boat, or to
engage with you in the script the two of you seem to follow. She
jibes, you get mad and straighten out the boat. She slows the boat to
a crawl, you are expected to start the motor to get the speed back up
(that's so you'll notice how much she's slowed the boat. And maybe get
mad). She tells the kids to get out of the c'way, you get mad and
straighten things out and send one down to make your sandwich. It
sounds pretty predictable. And it takes two.
An attention deficit problem isn't necessary to explain her behavior,
when you consider that she can't do it without a partner to play
along. ADD would be evident in many other ways. You'd both know it by
now. Not many MH people can diagnose it accurately, anyway.
Instead the two of you make a very good team. It's just too bad the
result for both of you, at least in these instances, is pain.
Can you deviate from the script? Let her fix her screw-ups herself
(ok, not the accidental jibes, but some of the others)? If she really
wants to learn to sail, the others are right, send her to a school. If
she just wants to engage you in the ritual, you need to change what
you do, not what she does.
JV