Thursday, September 16, 2004
John Kerry Asks for French Help in Surrendering to Al-Qaeda
6/21/2004 - William Grim

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Paris - Democrat presidential candidate John F. Kerry said yesterday
that if elected President he will ask France to help the United States
surrender to Al-Qaeda.

“The French have a glorious tradition of giving up whenever the going
gets tough,” said Senator Kerry. “The French are so wonderfully
unprincipled, unlike most Americans. A Frenchman would rather stab his
grandmother in the back rather than do the right thing. As President,
I want America to follow France’s lead and become completely
spineless, craven, duplicitous and morally bankrupt.”

Sheikh Muhammed Abdul al-Farabi, Kerry’s domestic chief policy
advisor, told Broken Newz this morning that with French help the
United States could unconditionally surrender to Al-Qaeda within 24
hours of Kerry’s inauguration. “With the French standing beside us,”
said Mr. Al-Farabi, “We could have the Federal government replaced by
an Islamic republic adhering to Sharia law by the end of January 2005.
Of course, being good liberals, we would give all of the Jews and
Christians two months to convert to Islam before we started beheading
them.”

http://www.brokennewz.com/displaysto...97kerrysurrend





Pathetic Earthlings! No one can save you now!

In article ,
Horvath wrote:
http://www.brokennewz.com/displaysto...97kerrysurrend

Now that's funny. Sheesh... took you long enough.

--
Jonathan Ganz (j gan z @ $ail no w.c=o=m)
http://www.sailnow.com
"If there's no wind, row."

Al-Qaeda Backs Democratic Candidate John Kerry;
Plans Big Voter Turnout Effort
5/10/2004 - William Grim

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Undisclosed Location, Afghanistan)-- Leaders of Al-Qaeda
announced today that they are officially backing Massachusetts
Senator John F. "Frenchy" Kerry in the 2004 United States
presidential campaign.

"We examined very carefully the policies of the candidates of
the two major political parties," said Sheik Ali bin Mooqi,
chairman of Al-Qaeda's Committee for Jihad and Political
Outreach, "And we determined that Senator Kerry's policies
are good for Al-Qaeda. We are especially impressed with
Senator Kerry's desire to let the United Nations take over
the War Against Terror. Diplomatic dialogue is the terrorist's
best friend, and we are encouraged by Senator Kerry's
embrace of appeasement."

Officials for Al-Qaeda say that they will spend a large amount
of money on voter education programs, including the torture,
kidnapping and execution of anyone opposed to Senator
Kerry's election. "We've also earmarked funds for
ballot-stuffing," said Mr. Mooqi. "As you can well imagine,
Florida is a high priority."

Speaking on condition of anonymity, a source close to the Kerry
campaign told this reporter that Senator Kerry welcomes the
support of Al-Qaeda and wants to make his campaign a "big-tent
campaign even if some of his supporters want to burn down the
tent. The Senator believes that cultural diversity is much more
important than national security."

In article ,
Bart Senior wrote:
Al-Qaeda Backs Democratic Candidate John Kerry;
Plans Big Voter Turnout Effort
5/10/2004 - William Grim

This one is closer to the truth...

http://www.brokennewz.com/displaysto...752arizonegone

Thursday, September 16, 2004
Arizona Repossessed By Mexico While Nation Distracted; McCain Taken
Prisoner
2/24/2004 - Dirk McQuickly

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FORMERLY TUSCON . Nearly one hundred years after being loaned out to
the United States of America, the desert-like southwestern state of
Arizona was boldly repossessed by the country of Mexico in a daring
overnight raid. Citizens awoke to Mexican flags broadcast on existing
local news channels, and have been advised that all U.S. currency
must be exchanged for pesos, according to President Vicente Fox.

..For decades, the United States has allowed Arizona to hold the
illegitimate title of statehood,. said Fox in a prepared statement,
..whereas we have the original documentation to prove that we merely
..loaned. the southwestern region to Washington for a period of fifty
years. We have yet to receive a payment in the last twenty-three
years, and that.s just about enough, don.t you think?.

The White House, which is currently focused on war in the Middle East,
was not even aware of the situation until a spy satellite detected a
sharp increase in Spanish-language programming on Phoenix. local
NBC-affiliate, KPNX-TV.

..Arizona residents were shocked to find that half of all programming
had been switched over to Mexican game shows,. explained National
Security Advisor Condoleeza Rice. .To make matters worse, they were
warned not to tip less than 20% at eating establishments, and would be
required to buy cases of .chiclets. from roving children on demand..

Reports from the Beltway are centering around the current skyrocketing
budget deficit, and the United States inability to continue making
payments on the 48th state. U.S. Treasury Secretary John Snow has the
sole responsibility of keeping up with outstanding bills, however, a
spokeswoman for the department claimed a .massive clerical error. is
to blame for the subsequent repossession of the territory.

..Secretary Snow has his hands full, admittedly, with California and
Texas,. said Deputy Treasury Secretary, Margaret Chance. .Admittedly,
the fine print in the Gadsden Purchase specified .rent-to-own., which
was not public knowledge until today. Nevertheless, we don.t feel that
a few decades of missed payment merited this action..

President Bush, in response, has threatened to open up the American
prison system, which will effectively evaporate the job sectors which
immigrants have depended on for sustenance in the United States. In a
tersely worded telegram to Mexican Ambassador Carlos del Tijera, Bush
further threatened to re-classify Mexico.s .most favored
nation. trading status all the way down to .****-hole..

Further complicating matters, Arizona Senator John McCain was among
those captured in the clandestine Mexican Special Forces maneuver, and
is reportedly being held in an undisclosed location as a .prisoner of
war., along with the entire Tri-Delt. sorority of Arizona State
University. The White House has indicated that it has no plans to
rescue the Vietnam War hero, and will dispatch a documentary filmmaker
to his location once it is revealed. This will be McCain.s second tour
as a POW, earning him the distinguished title of .Time Magazine.s
Unluckiest Man on the Face of the Earth..

Democratic Governor Janet Napolitano was unharmed, but is facing
considerable scrutiny following her inability to secure the state from
repossession. Napolitano claims to have been .up late., but busy with
a jigsaw puzzle when the state slipped into Mexican hands.

..I didn.t hear a thing,. said Napolitano. .I thought I heard a car or
two backfire, but that was it. We did our best to stall this event,
but these guys are good, I have to admit. Real good..

As a result, the states of Nevada, Utah, and Colorado have enlisted
federal border patrol units to keep an eye on any further
..re-possessive. activities from their neighbors to the south. The
state of California is already 65% repossessed and has decided not to
fight back.

--
Jonathan Ganz (j gan z @ $ail no w.c=o=m)
http://www.sailnow.com
"If there's no wind, row."