ASA IQ Test

1. Capt Neal, Jonathan, Bobsprit and Katysails have returned from a glorious
day of sailing aboard Capt Neal's fine blue water cruiser.
They are offshore and must take the dinghy to get to land. Only two of them
can fit in the dinghy at a time.
If Bobsprit is left alone with Jonathan, Bobsprit will bugger poor Jonathan.
If Capt Neal is left alone with Katysails, he will pinch her and she will
slap him.
How do the four of them get ashore to enjoy an evening at the Sneaky Tikki
without Jonathan getting buggered, Katysails pinched or Capt Neal slapped?

Katy is long gone in the dink alone and looking for you to pay you back for
inserting her in this scenario to begin with - so you better watch out.
Jonathan and Neal argue vehemently about whether Capt Neal's fuschia color
scheme clashes with his bright yellow hull, and Jonathan, in a fit of pique,
jumps overboard, muttering something about a fashionless fascist, never to be
seen again. Capt Neal, surprising everyone, indeed walks across the water, and
Bobsprit is left wondering how to make the contraption he is sitting in move.

(PS I believe Neal has 2 tenders, which gives the original hypo an easy answer)


2. Captain Mooron is out at sea recovering from a bad hangover.
In this distance he sees a double vision of a fast approaching tanker.
Moorons proper course of action is:

a. Alternately wink each eye and watch the double vision. The tanker image
that remains in place is the true tanker. He steers clear of it.

b. Take the Enfield and shoot at the middle of them.

c. Take three bong hits to clear his vision.

d. Get on the radio and let them know he doesn't use soap or wear underwear.

e. Strap on the eye patch, scabbard the dagger and prepare to board.


3. Gilligan releases his flying monkeys for a flying nonstop round trip to
Katysails to steal naughty things from her clothesline.
It's a 2,000 mile roundtrip and the monkeys can only fly 1,000 miles without
food. The monkeys fly at 100 mph.
At three hours after the monkeys are released, Gilligan releases swallows
that carry coconuts to the monkeys for replenishment.
What is the airspeed of a laden swallow?

Assuming the monkeys must eat as soon as they arrive at Katy's clothesline, the
swallows travel at about 143 mph, but it is not clear why you didn't just
arrange for Katy to feed the monkeys. She likes animals.

(PS Those are some damn fast flying monkeys).

4. What is your favorite colour?

What was Neal's answer again?


5. On Monday Bobsprit lied. On Tuesday he tells a whopper.
On Wednesday Bobsprit fibs. On Thursday Bobsprit lies yet again.
On Friday Bobsprit lies low to pretend he is sailing..

a. True


6. Which of the following statements goes most closely with: "The Alien
Girls are to beauty as"

a. Ganz is to Gay

b. Bobsprit is to bluster

c. Jax is to intelligence

d. Neal's boat is to bristol

Are you saying Neal's boat is alien to bristol?


7. A dab of tallow place in a wooden mast crack is best suited for:

a. Covering unsightly cracks

b. Keeping out moisture

c. Keeping flies off of the helmsman

d. Upsetting the navigator

Ask Ganz.


8. Bobsprit eats 6000 cal a day. His basal metabolism requires 2000 cal a
day. 1/2 pound of fat is equal to 2000 stored calories.
Bobsprit becomes constipated for one week, but continues his regular diet.
How can Bobsprit's condition be most accurately described at the week's end?

a. He is 14 pounds heavier

b. He is full of sh*t.

c. He has bought three more classic cars

d. All of the above

e. Dangerous for any bystanders.


9. Captain American sails to Hawaii in 31 days. On several days he is thrown
about the ship, severely striking his head.
What is the best concussion about his trip:

a. It has knocked some common sense into him, he now sees Bush as a free
spending socialist

b. It has knocked him senseless, he now wants McCain as president

c. He never really left. He's been on a one month drunken bender in a
Seattle flophouse.

d. He was never right to begin with, so nothing is new.

e. It has made him see life in a new light.

10. What is the next word in this sequence: Red Leicester, Tilsit,
Caerphilly...

a. Bazuki

b. Venezuelan Beaver

c. Bel Pease

d. Wenslydale

c

but it is not clear why you didn't just
arrange for Katy to feed the monkeys. She likes animals.

You need to deja back about 3-4 years on this one to find the answer...Flying monkeys are not animals...and they are to be fed
to, not fed....

--
katysails
s/v Chanteuse
Kirie Elite 32
http://katysails.tripod.com

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax
and get used to the idea." - Robert A. Heinlein