Andy's Predictions for 2008
 

From Andy Borowitz:

Next Year’s News
Predictions for 2008 from BorowitzReport.com

January: After paying five billion dollars for The Wall Street Journal,
Rupert Murdoch will reduce the size of the paper by removing the facts.

February: Responding to the controversy over the CIAs’ waterboarding
videotapes, President Bush will reaffirm his administration’s opposition
to videotaping.

March: As the writers strike drags on, Paramount will produce the second
“Transformers” film without a script, just like they did with the first one.

April: Monica Lewinsky will announce her candidacy for President of the
United States. She will offer herself as an alternative to Hillary,
saying, “It worked before.”

May: Attempting to bolster flagging enlistment rates, the Army will
change its recruitment slogan from “Army Strong” to “I Can’t Believe
It’s Not a Civil War.”

June: Population experts will warn that the world’s population will soar
in 2008, largely due to the Spears sisters.

July: China will send a new brand of rat poison to the United States
under the name “Delicious Cupcakes.”

August: Sen. Edward Kennedy will abandon plans to write his memoirs,
explaining, “I can’t even remember what I did last night.”

September: At the Republican National Convention, G.O.P. nominee Mike
Huckabee will select Jesus Christ as his running mate.

October: O.J. Simpson will be convicted in Las Vegas, proving that it is
easier to get away with murder than stealing sports memorabilia.

November: President-elect Michael Bloomberg will defend the
five-billion-dollar cost of his campaign, arguing, “Rupert Murdoch paid
that much for The Wall Street Journal, and I get a whole country.”

December: In his last official act, President Bush will announce an exit
strategy from Iraq. The President will withdraw all U.S. troops –
through Iran.







--
George W. Bush - the 43rd Best President Ever!

Andy's Predictions for 2008
 

On Mon, 31 Dec 2007 10:48:36 -0500, HK wrote:


From Andy Borowitz:

Next Year’s News
Predictions for 2008 from BorowitzReport.com

January: After paying five billion dollars for The Wall Street Journal,
Rupert Murdoch will reduce the size of the paper by removing the facts.

....which will only reduce the size by about one paragraph.

February: Responding to the controversy over the CIAs’ waterboarding
videotapes, President Bush will reaffirm his administration’s opposition
to videotaping.

....but *will* publish biographical details of all CIA agents in rec.boats
or elsewhere

March: As the writers strike drags on, Paramount will produce the second
“Transformers” film without a script, just like they did with the first one.

....luckily no writers were used for "Inconvenient Truth" because they had
too much integrity.

April: Monica Lewinsky will announce her candidacy for President of the
United States. She will offer herself as an alternative to Hillary,
saying, “It worked before.”

.....and she won't have to perjure herself!

May: Attempting to bolster flagging enlistment rates, the Army will
change its recruitment slogan from “Army Strong” to “I Can’t Believe
It’s Not a Civil War.”

.....hey, "Army Strong" looks great on my license plate holders!

June: Population experts will warn that the world’s population will soar
in 2008, largely due to the Spears sisters.

....and the Pampers folks will be upset as 'bottomless' will be the 'in'
thing.

July: China will send a new brand of rat poison to the United States
under the name “Delicious Cupcakes.”

....and, of course, the Democrats will blame this on Wal-Mart unless it
becomes unionized first.

August: Sen. Edward Kennedy will abandon plans to write his memoirs,
explaining, “I can’t even remember what I did last night.”

....'nuff said.

September: At the Republican National Convention, G.O.P. nominee Mike
Huckabee will select Jesus Christ as his running mate.

....there, got the religious threat in there. Now the SP's know who *not* to
vote for.

October: O.J. Simpson will be convicted in Las Vegas, proving that it is
easier to get away with murder than stealing sports memorabilia.

Good.

November: President-elect Michael Bloomberg will defend the
five-billion-dollar cost of his campaign, arguing, “Rupert Murdoch paid
that much for The Wall Street Journal, and I get a whole country.”

December: In his last official act, President Bush will announce an exit
strategy from Iraq. The President will withdraw all U.S. troops –
through Iran.

.....that won't happen. Iran is too nice. They have no plans for nuclear
weapons. They just want electricity. If we would just sit down and give
them whatever they ask, they would always be nice.
--
John H

"All decisions are the result of binary thinking."

Andy's Predictions for 2008
 

On Dec 31, 9:48 am, HK wrote:
From Andy Borowitz:

Next Year's News
Predictions for 2008 from BorowitzReport.com

January: After paying five billion dollars for The Wall Street Journal,
Rupert Murdoch will reduce the size of the paper by removing the facts.

February: Responding to the controversy over the CIAs' waterboarding
videotapes, President Bush will reaffirm his administration's opposition
to videotaping.

March: As the writers strike drags on, Paramount will produce the second
"Transformers" film without a script, just like they did with the first one.

April: Monica Lewinsky will announce her candidacy for President of the
United States. She will offer herself as an alternative to Hillary,
saying, "It worked before."

May: Attempting to bolster flagging enlistment rates, the Army will
change its recruitment slogan from "Army Strong" to "I Can't Believe
It's Not a Civil War."

June: Population experts will warn that the world's population will soar
in 2008, largely due to the Spears sisters.

July: China will send a new brand of rat poison to the United States
under the name "Delicious Cupcakes."

August: Sen. Edward Kennedy will abandon plans to write his memoirs,
explaining, "I can't even remember what I did last night."

September: At the Republican National Convention, G.O.P. nominee Mike
Huckabee will select Jesus Christ as his running mate.

October: O.J. Simpson will be convicted in Las Vegas, proving that it is
easier to get away with murder than stealing sports memorabilia.

November: President-elect Michael Bloomberg will defend the
five-billion-dollar cost of his campaign, arguing, "Rupert Murdoch paid
that much for The Wall Street Journal, and I get a whole country."

December: In his last official act, President Bush will announce an exit
strategy from Iraq. The President will withdraw all U.S. troops -
through Iran.

--
George W. Bush - the 43rd Best President Ever!

Cameron MacDonald's Prediction for 2008: Harry Krause will continue
his lying unabated. (Neither a crystal ball nor Tarot cards required
for this one!)

Andy's Predictions for 2008
 

"HK" wrote in message
. ..

From Andy Borowitz:

Next Year’s News
Predictions for 2008 from BorowitzReport.com

April: Monica Lewinsky will announce her candidacy for President of the
United States. She will offer herself as an alternative to Hillary,
saying, “It worked before.”



She spent more time in the Oval Office and with the POTUS than Hillary did.

Andy's Predictions for 2008
 

Calif Bill wrote:
"HK" wrote in message
. ..
From Andy Borowitz:

Next Year’s News
Predictions for 2008 from BorowitzReport.com
April: Monica Lewinsky will announce her candidacy for President of the
United States. She will offer herself as an alternative to Hillary,
saying, “It worked before.”



She spent more time in the Oval Office and with the POTUS than Hillary did.




Y-A-W-N. Maybe her "advice and consent" helped keep President Bill from
doing really stupid stuff, like invading Iraq.

Whatever Clinton's sexual indiscretions, the harm they caused
pale in comparison to the horrors perpetrated by BushCo.

Andy's Predictions for 2008
 

"HK" wrote in message
...
Calif Bill wrote:
"HK" wrote in message
. ..
From Andy Borowitz:

Next Year’s News
Predictions for 2008 from BorowitzReport.com
April: Monica Lewinsky will announce her candidacy for President of the
United States. She will offer herself as an alternative to Hillary,
saying, “It worked before.”



She spent more time in the Oval Office and with the POTUS than Hillary
did.


Y-A-W-N. Maybe her "advice and consent" helped keep President Bill from
doing really stupid stuff, like invading Iraq.

Whatever Clinton's sexual indiscretions, the harm they caused
pale in comparison to the horrors perpetrated by BushCo.

YAWWWWWWWN. Invading Bosnia, blowing up aspirin factories. etc.
BIIIIIIIIG YAWWWWWWWWWN.

Andy's Predictions for 2008
 

wrote in message
...
On Mon, 31 Dec 2007 10:48:36 -0500, HK wrote:

April: Monica Lewinsky will announce her candidacy for President of the
United States. She will offer herself as an alternative to Hillary,
saying, "It worked before."


If Hillary is still winning the nomination by then I am sure Monica
will be in the news, along with Vince Foster, Whitewater and the Rose
Law Firm. "Sherman, set the wayback machine to 1994"

The real question is if Hillary would name Bill as her running mate.
Things that make you go "Hmmm"
Which brings you back to Monica ;-)

Bill's not eligible. Have to be eligible to be POTUS.

Andy's Predictions for 2008
 

On Mon, 31 Dec 2007 23:10:00 -0800, "CalifBill"
wrote:


wrote in message
.. .
On Mon, 31 Dec 2007 10:48:36 -0500, HK wrote:

April: Monica Lewinsky will announce her candidacy for President of the
United States. She will offer herself as an alternative to Hillary,
saying, "It worked before."


If Hillary is still winning the nomination by then I am sure Monica
will be in the news, along with Vince Foster, Whitewater and the Rose
Law Firm. "Sherman, set the wayback machine to 1994"

The real question is if Hillary would name Bill as her running mate.
Things that make you go "Hmmm"
Which brings you back to Monica ;-)

Bill's not eligible. Have to be eligible to be POTUS.

I read a discussion about a year or so ago about this very thing.

The only qualification for Vice President is that the individual must
be at least 35 years of age, a natural born citizen of the United
States, and a resident of the U.S. for 14 years.

The Rules of Succession do not delineate prior service as a
disqualification for the office of Vice President as they do for the
office of President.

Which means that succession to the Presidency isn't in the rules -
only being elected to the Presidency is in the rules.

According to most constitutional lawyers surveyed in this article,
including schools from Harvard's School of Government (or whatever
it's called now) to Podunk University scholars, it's perfectly legal
to elect a former President to the office of Vice President.

Now if you read into that a little, you will find that potentially,
the office of Vice President, which does not have term limits, to be a
power base from which a smart politician can operate.

And if you don't think the Clinton's have thought about it a lot, your
nuts. :)

Andy's Predictions for 2008
 

HK wrote:
Calif Bill wrote:
"HK" wrote in message
. ..
From Andy Borowitz:

Next Year’s News
Predictions for 2008 from BorowitzReport.com
April: Monica Lewinsky will announce her candidacy for President of
the United States. She will offer herself as an alternative to
Hillary, saying, “It worked before.”



She spent more time in the Oval Office and with the POTUS than Hillary
did.



Y-A-W-N. Maybe her "advice and consent" helped keep President Bill from
doing really stupid stuff, like invading Iraq.

Whatever Clinton's sexual indiscretions, the harm they caused
pale in comparison to the horrors perpetrated by BushCo.

It didn't stop Clinton from bombing and empty terrorist camp or an
Aspirin factory.

Andy's Predictions for 2008
 

"Short Wave Sportfishing" wrote in message
...

Bill's not eligible. Have to be eligible to be POTUS.

I read a discussion about a year or so ago about this very thing.

The only qualification for Vice President is that the individual must
be at least 35 years of age, a natural born citizen of the United
States, and a resident of the U.S. for 14 years.

The Rules of Succession do not delineate prior service as a
disqualification for the office of Vice President as they do for the
office of President.

Which means that succession to the Presidency isn't in the rules -
only being elected to the Presidency is in the rules.

According to most constitutional lawyers surveyed in this article,
including schools from Harvard's School of Government (or whatever
it's called now) to Podunk University scholars, it's perfectly legal
to elect a former President to the office of Vice President.

Now if you read into that a little, you will find that potentially,
the office of Vice President, which does not have term limits, to be a
power base from which a smart politician can operate.

And if you don't think the Clinton's have thought about it a lot, your
nuts. :)

OK. But lets say the president dies. Then the vice president becomes
president no?

Should this be Bill, how does that work with presidential term limits? Bill
just does not want to stay away from those interns does he?