..........that I guess I don't have.

My 18 year old son had the day off from his summer house painting job
because of rain predicted later in the day. So, being a good father I took
him out to the boat for his second "hands on" lesson on operating and
docking the boat. The first one went great, especially the experience he
got docking the boat with a wind pushing him away from the dock. He has
been boating with me since he was a toddler and literally grew up around
boats.

During our first 'hands on' lesson I told him several important things:
Look back to make sure no boats are coming before backing out of the dock;
keep your right hand on the throttle when running in the river to/from the
Lake (all no wake zone but some folks do foolish things on this fairly
narrow river); and, bump the speed up gently when going from idle to 5 mph
no wake speed.

He forgot all those things today.

He also forgot where the trim control button for the OD was, forgot his
USCG Power Squadron operators card and forgot his sunglasses and a hat (it
was hot and sunny). After almost sticking the OD in the mud at a
particularly shallow spot at the entrance to the river from the marina
(because he did not raise the OD before getting to this spot and could not
find the button to do so) he decided that he wanted to go home.

I do not like quitters but today was not going well so I gave in.

I was proud when he got his USCG PS certification over the winter without
any prompting from me. I am happy to teach him everything he needs to know
about this boat, including operating it, anchoring it and docking it so he
can eventually take it out on his own. But he does not take negative
feedback well and neither of us have a lot of patience..........deadly
combinations.

I am not letting him take the boat out by himself (he will be with 2 or 3
friends) until he has operated it with me at least a half dozen times *and*
I am confident he knows what he is doing.

Any suggestions on making this go smoother in the future?

Positive reinforcement and about 800 pounds of patience. Just keep doing it
over and over. Don't get angry that's just a turn off and makes the
pressure on him build. It has to be fun or why do it. He obviously wants
to please you so when he makes a little mistake it probably flusters him and
makes the next mistake more inevitable.

Good luck.

Butch
" JimH" jimhUNDERSCOREosudad@yahooDOTcom wrote in message
. ..
.........that I guess I don't have.

My 18 year old son had the day off from his summer house painting job
because of rain predicted later in the day. So, being a good father I
took him out to the boat for his second "hands on" lesson on operating and
docking the boat. The first one went great, especially the experience he
got docking the boat with a wind pushing him away from the dock. He has
been boating with me since he was a toddler and literally grew up around
boats.

During our first 'hands on' lesson I told him several important things:
Look back to make sure no boats are coming before backing out of the dock;
keep your right hand on the throttle when running in the river to/from the
Lake (all no wake zone but some folks do foolish things on this fairly
narrow river); and, bump the speed up gently when going from idle to 5 mph
no wake speed.

He forgot all those things today.

He also forgot where the trim control button for the OD was, forgot his
USCG Power Squadron operators card and forgot his sunglasses and a hat (it
was hot and sunny). After almost sticking the OD in the mud at a
particularly shallow spot at the entrance to the river from the marina
(because he did not raise the OD before getting to this spot and could not
find the button to do so) he decided that he wanted to go home.

I do not like quitters but today was not going well so I gave in.

I was proud when he got his USCG PS certification over the winter without
any prompting from me. I am happy to teach him everything he needs to
know about this boat, including operating it, anchoring it and docking it
so he can eventually take it out on his own. But he does not take
negative feedback well and neither of us have a lot of
patience..........deadly combinations.

I am not letting him take the boat out by himself (he will be with 2 or 3
friends) until he has operated it with me at least a half dozen times
*and* I am confident he knows what he is doing.

Any suggestions on making this go smoother in the future?

"Butch Davis" wrote in message
nk.net...
Positive reinforcement and about 800 pounds of patience. Just keep doing
it over and over. Don't get angry that's just a turn off and makes the
pressure on him build. It has to be fun or why do it. He obviously wants
to please you so when he makes a little mistake it probably flusters him
and makes the next mistake more inevitable.

Good luck.

Butch
" JimH" jimhUNDERSCOREosudad@yahooDOTcom wrote in message
. ..
.........that I guess I don't have.

My 18 year old son had the day off from his summer house painting job
because of rain predicted later in the day. So, being a good father I
took him out to the boat for his second "hands on" lesson on operating
and docking the boat. The first one went great, especially the
experience he got docking the boat with a wind pushing him away from the
dock. He has been boating with me since he was a toddler and literally
grew up around boats.

During our first 'hands on' lesson I told him several important things:
Look back to make sure no boats are coming before backing out of the
dock; keep your right hand on the throttle when running in the river
to/from the Lake (all no wake zone but some folks do foolish things on
this fairly narrow river); and, bump the speed up gently when going from
idle to 5 mph no wake speed.

He forgot all those things today.

He also forgot where the trim control button for the OD was, forgot his
USCG Power Squadron operators card and forgot his sunglasses and a hat
(it was hot and sunny). After almost sticking the OD in the mud at a
particularly shallow spot at the entrance to the river from the marina
(because he did not raise the OD before getting to this spot and could
not find the button to do so) he decided that he wanted to go home.

I do not like quitters but today was not going well so I gave in.

I was proud when he got his USCG PS certification over the winter without
any prompting from me. I am happy to teach him everything he needs to
know about this boat, including operating it, anchoring it and docking it
so he can eventually take it out on his own. But he does not take
negative feedback well and neither of us have a lot of
patience..........deadly combinations.

I am not letting him take the boat out by himself (he will be with 2 or 3
friends) until he has operated it with me at least a half dozen times
*and* I am confident he knows what he is doing.

Any suggestions on making this go smoother in the future?




Good advice Butch. Thanks!

" JimH" jimhUNDERSCOREosudad@yahooDOTcom wrote in message
. ..

Any suggestions on making this go smoother in the future?


Jim,
Keep it fun. No, I meant to say, keep it FUN!
Positive feedback only; we know when we screw up and we don't really enjoy
being told that we screwed up.
When something goes well, praise.
When something goes obviously awry, ask what he thinks he should do
differently next time. If he's right on the mark, offer positive
reinforcement. If he's close, but there's a better way, let him know what
you would have done.
Don't dwell on anything; kids don't like lectures. Which brings it back to
Keep It Fun!
Enjoy the teaching process and remember that he'll make more mistakes early
and fewer mistakes later.
Oh yeah, show him how to turn the incident into a funny historical anecdote.
I'm done.

Hi JimH,
I believe that there's no one way to suit all student-teacher pair.
Applying generalisation to individuals is perhaps a major root cause of
failures.

Some class teaching techniques are appropriate for classes, you have a
1-on-1 situation which is ideal in many respects, please take good
advantage of this 1-on-1.

Think about asking HIM how he learns best? No good just asking us. He
knows better than we do. You already know that he doesn't take negative
feedback well so give him possitive ones.

Some people are visual and not auditory -like me. If someone goes blah
blah blah at me I don't register, but draw pictures and write text then
I absorb everything. Some people prefer hands-on. Some people can copy
what you do, some, like me, can't copy unless we understand the logic
behind it first. Ask him HOW he wants to be teached. Remember there's
no one way for him either, so some things and sometimes you will need
patience of repetition.

He won't know all about how he learns either so it is a fun challenge
for you. For example, I would have a list of 101 things he needs to
learn, then let him choose what he wants to learn first. You can put
pre-requisites -but always point lessons to the item he picked to learn
about. That's his chosen goal.

(As a relevant anecdote, learning music step by step was no good for
me. Years later a wonderful teacher let me choose, I picked step 32 -a
relatively complex piece, that was my true step 1 to learn everything
else from).

Of course major safety items are non-negotiable.

If you sit down with him and brainstorm (and talk story) a check list
of preparations, then you can get him to own that list. He goes through
the check list BEFORE getting into the car. A list checked, not a
verbal soundwave of instructions to remember with no relevance
whatsoever to day-to-day life.

For most people early learning is best when the person feels 'safe',
incl safe from abuses/talk-down.

Sometimes complete learning comes best when (or only when) the person
is totally in charge. I suddenly became competent as a race yacht
foredecky/bowman when thrown in the deep end as totally responsible for
nighttime races where you couldn't see hardly anything let alone the
colours of ropes.

If you watch him expecting mistakes then he is more likely to make
mistakes.

If you seem superior and talk-down and get-mad then forget it.

I think it is more important to keep good dad-son relationship than to
successfully teach him. He can learn from someone else, but he can't
have another dad.

You can agree that there'll be tussles and just laugh them off, but if
things get out of hand then seriously consider getting someone else to
teach him till he is semi-competent then he can continue with you.

An opinion offerred. Hope it helps someone somewhere...
Solo Thesailor
http://sailingstoriesandtips.blogspot.com

"Solo Thesailor" wrote in message
ups.com...
Hi JimH,
I believe that there's no one way to suit all student-teacher pair.
Applying generalisation to individuals is perhaps a major root cause of
failures.

Some class teaching techniques are appropriate for classes, you have a
1-on-1 situation which is ideal in many respects, please take good
advantage of this 1-on-1.

Think about asking HIM how he learns best? No good just asking us. He
knows better than we do. You already know that he doesn't take negative
feedback well so give him possitive ones.

Some people are visual and not auditory -like me. If someone goes blah
blah blah at me I don't register, but draw pictures and write text then
I absorb everything. Some people prefer hands-on. Some people can copy
what you do, some, like me, can't copy unless we understand the logic
behind it first. Ask him HOW he wants to be teached. Remember there's
no one way for him either, so some things and sometimes you will need
patience of repetition.

He won't know all about how he learns either so it is a fun challenge
for you. For example, I would have a list of 101 things he needs to
learn, then let him choose what he wants to learn first. You can put
pre-requisites -but always point lessons to the item he picked to learn
about. That's his chosen goal.

(As a relevant anecdote, learning music step by step was no good for
me. Years later a wonderful teacher let me choose, I picked step 32 -a
relatively complex piece, that was my true step 1 to learn everything
else from).

Of course major safety items are non-negotiable.

If you sit down with him and brainstorm (and talk story) a check list
of preparations, then you can get him to own that list. He goes through
the check list BEFORE getting into the car. A list checked, not a
verbal soundwave of instructions to remember with no relevance
whatsoever to day-to-day life.

For most people early learning is best when the person feels 'safe',
incl safe from abuses/talk-down.

Sometimes complete learning comes best when (or only when) the person
is totally in charge. I suddenly became competent as a race yacht
foredecky/bowman when thrown in the deep end as totally responsible for
nighttime races where you couldn't see hardly anything let alone the
colours of ropes.

If you watch him expecting mistakes then he is more likely to make
mistakes.

If you seem superior and talk-down and get-mad then forget it.

I think it is more important to keep good dad-son relationship than to
successfully teach him. He can learn from someone else, but he can't
have another dad.

You can agree that there'll be tussles and just laugh them off, but if
things get out of hand then seriously consider getting someone else to
teach him till he is semi-competent then he can continue with you.

An opinion offerred. Hope it helps someone somewhere...
Solo Thesailor
http://sailingstoriesandtips.blogspot.com


Great advice.

I asked him if he learns better by hearing instructions or actually seeing
them done. He is a visual learner and needs written instructions and to see
me in action doing these things. My wife agrees.

So I put together a checklist:

1. Things to study up on before the next lesson.
2. Things to bring when leaving for the next lesson.
3. Things to do when getting to the boat and preparing for departure.

I gave my son a copy for his room and a copy to bring with home on the boat.

He asked me to take the boat out of the marina and onto the Lake during the
next lesson so he can watch me and follow the steps, both as written and as
actually done. I will make sure to follow those steps in the order I wrote
them.

Once we are safely out on the Lake I will shut it down and have him go
through the drill. We will also practice anchoring, including backing into
a beach area, heading back up the river to the marina and then docking it.

I need to continue to praise him for things well done (as I did on our 1st
lesson) and build up his confidence.

Once again, thanks for all your advice.....it was all great!

JimH wrote:
"Solo Thesailor" wrote in message
ups.com...

Hi JimH,
I believe that there's no one way to suit all student-teacher pair.
Applying generalisation to individuals is perhaps a major root cause of
failures.

Some class teaching techniques are appropriate for classes, you have a
1-on-1 situation which is ideal in many respects, please take good
advantage of this 1-on-1.

Think about asking HIM how he learns best? No good just asking us. He
knows better than we do. You already know that he doesn't take negative
feedback well so give him possitive ones.

Some people are visual and not auditory -like me. If someone goes blah
blah blah at me I don't register, but draw pictures and write text then
I absorb everything. Some people prefer hands-on. Some people can copy
what you do, some, like me, can't copy unless we understand the logic
behind it first. Ask him HOW he wants to be teached. Remember there's
no one way for him either, so some things and sometimes you will need
patience of repetition.

He won't know all about how he learns either so it is a fun challenge
for you. For example, I would have a list of 101 things he needs to
learn, then let him choose what he wants to learn first. You can put
pre-requisites -but always point lessons to the item he picked to learn
about. That's his chosen goal.

(As a relevant anecdote, learning music step by step was no good for
me. Years later a wonderful teacher let me choose, I picked step 32 -a
relatively complex piece, that was my true step 1 to learn everything
else from).

Of course major safety items are non-negotiable.

If you sit down with him and brainstorm (and talk story) a check list
of preparations, then you can get him to own that list. He goes through
the check list BEFORE getting into the car. A list checked, not a
verbal soundwave of instructions to remember with no relevance
whatsoever to day-to-day life.

For most people early learning is best when the person feels 'safe',
incl safe from abuses/talk-down.

Sometimes complete learning comes best when (or only when) the person
is totally in charge. I suddenly became competent as a race yacht
foredecky/bowman when thrown in the deep end as totally responsible for
nighttime races where you couldn't see hardly anything let alone the
colours of ropes.

If you watch him expecting mistakes then he is more likely to make
mistakes.

If you seem superior and talk-down and get-mad then forget it.

I think it is more important to keep good dad-son relationship than to
successfully teach him. He can learn from someone else, but he can't
have another dad.

You can agree that there'll be tussles and just laugh them off, but if
things get out of hand then seriously consider getting someone else to
teach him till he is semi-competent then he can continue with you.

An opinion offerred. Hope it helps someone somewhere...
Solo Thesailor
http://sailingstoriesandtips.blogspot.com



Great advice.

I asked him if he learns better by hearing instructions or actually seeing
them done. He is a visual learner and needs written instructions and to see
me in action doing these things. My wife agrees.

So I put together a checklist:

1. Things to study up on before the next lesson.
2. Things to bring when leaving for the next lesson.
3. Things to do when getting to the boat and preparing for departure.

I gave my son a copy for his room and a copy to bring with home on the boat.

He asked me to take the boat out of the marina and onto the Lake during the
next lesson so he can watch me and follow the steps, both as written and as
actually done. I will make sure to follow those steps in the order I wrote
them.

Once we are safely out on the Lake I will shut it down and have him go
through the drill. We will also practice anchoring, including backing into
a beach area, heading back up the river to the marina and then docking it.

I need to continue to praise him for things well done (as I did on our 1st
lesson) and build up his confidence.

Once again, thanks for all your advice.....it was all great!


I went through this all last year when my #2 son finally decided to get
his drivers license. Now he'll sit next to me and criticize my
driving...as if there was anything to criticize.