On Mon, 30 Jan 2006 21:41:10 -0800, jps wrote:

In article ,
says...

Mine caught on fire one rainy evening returning from Ft. Leonard Wood to
Kansas City. That was it for me.

Lucas ignition. The English and electricity never seemed to get along.

Here's a sampling of Lucas ignition jokes:

The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."

Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden,
unexpected darkness"

Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three
switch settings--SMOKE, SMOULDER and IGNITE.

The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.

"I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any
prob...

If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either

Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.

It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal
Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much =
resistance.

Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and
asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, =
since they all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter which one
you = use, nothing happens!"

Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began
manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they = offered
which didn't suck.

Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had
trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.

Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas made the refrigerators, too.

Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone.
Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb.
Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.

Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment:
check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times
sunwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect
= your unworthy servant."

Lucas systems actually use AC current; it just has a random frequency.


As the former owner of an MGB-GT, I can state that everyone of those are
true.

Thanks, jps!
--
'Til next time,

John H

******************************************
***** Have a Spectacular Day! *****
******************************************

In article , jherring1
@yahoo.com says...

As the former owner of an MGB-GT, I can state that everyone of those are
true.

Thanks, jps!

'59 MGA, '70 BGT, '73 Midget, '69 Austin America (whew, was that a
stinker!).

There's nothing like English electrics...

jps