An old man is sitting on a park bench crying. A young man is walking by
and asks him why he's crying. The old man says, "I'm retired and I have
lots of money, a huge luxury apartment, a beautiful 25 year old wife
who loves me and has sex with me twice a day"
The young man says, "Well then why the hell are you crying!?"

The old man replies, "I can't remember where I live!"

And:
Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it
started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end
and put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get it?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely she is,
after all, over 80 years of age, but very delicately asks what brand
she prefers.

Lady 1: Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel.