Q wrote:

Get him here before Lake Ontario freezes over.

Why?

Headlines:

"Mysterious Diving Accident -- Man Crushes Skull Off End of Pier"
or
"Drunken Ice Fisherman Attaches 200 lbs of Lead Sinkers to Own Leg"

We sail the ocean blue,
And our saucy ship's a beauty;
We're sober men and true,
And attentive to our duty.
When the balls whistle free
O'er the bright blue sea,
We stand to our guns all day;
When at anchor we ride
On the Portsmouth tide,
We have plenty of time to play.

--
Skipper