(AP) Washington, DC 2/3/04

President Bush announced today that Canada has stockpiled WMD's, and
is prepared to use them in the immediate future, if not sooner. "This
situation is...uhm...intollerible.", said Bush. "We must attack to
preserve the preservation of American Security and American ...uhm...
Homeland Security, and our babies. You all know how important
Homeland Security is, it's...uhm..really important to our babies, and
our churches, and ..uhm.. our mothers..". "The United States will
attack Canada tomorrow, right after The Simpsons".

Sec'y of Defending the President George W. Rumsfeld announced that the
invasion will be spearheaded by top-secret Boy Scout Troops in the
Detroit, Michigan area. Local "Action News" teams will be embedded
with the Boy Scouts to skate across Lake Michigan and infiltrate
Canadian held territory. Inflatable "Snoopy" rafts will be carried by
the Scouts in case of open water. "The US Army and the National Guard
have previous committments," said Rumsfeld, "so we're sending in the
BSA Special Forces.". "They have backup", said Rumsfeld, "the Girl
Scouts and local Explorer Groups are ready to go.".

CongoLisa Brown-Rice, Sec'y of Boot-licking, supported Bush's
decision. "We have known from intelligence reports, for some time,
that the Canadians are stockpiling WMD hockey sticks. We have aerial
photographs of the Canadians planting trees, to produce even more
hockey sticks in the future. There is an entire National Program to
produce hockey sticks. The US is not safe from untold millions of
Canadians, bearing lethal WMD hockey sticks, on our borders.". Ms.
Rice also announced her intention to legally change her name to George
W. Brown-Rice.

Vice-President George W. Chaney confirmed, from an unknown location at
the Grand Bahamas Resort, the decision to attack. He also confirmed
that Halliburton, Inc. would be supplying ice-skates and S'mores to
the invading force. Chaney denied any knowledge of Halliburton's
attempts to purchase the Boy Scouts of America, and denied that
$900,000.00 was an excessive price for a pair of skates. "Our
defenders, our saviours, the saviors of our babies, require the best
skates that money can buy.", said Cheney. "The proper preparation and
packaging of S'mores is NOT cheap.", said Cheney. Cost over-runs are
expected in the billions.

Attorney General George W. Ashcroft, interviewed by MTV in the
Maryland University Law Library, said "Damn...you have no fricken idea
how many law books they have here. There's no way *anybody* could
read all this crap. Starting tomorrow, the Law of the Jungle is the
new Law of the Land. Chimpanzee's don't have to read this crap! Why
should I?". Ashcroft hinted that the new "First Amendment" will be
"Kill, or be killed.".

President Bush assured UN Sec'y Koffi Anon that "The Boy Scouts are
very good at finding things. There will be no delay in finding WMD's.
They have compasses and...uhm...pocket knives and stuff. They also
know how to identify 'hockey-stick' trees, and the residue of
....uhm...hockey stuff. They know their trees, are trained at trees,
and...uhm..nobody is better at finding...uhm...trees. This invasion
will be over before Congo can change her name to 'George W.'".

Canadian Authorities have arranged a bonfire welcome for the invading
skaters, and will make sure that each scout is housed with a
responsible family. "We admire and respect the Boy Scouts, eh?", said
a Province Administrator, "and we have not hidden any lethal hockey
sticks."

The Bush Administration stresses that the disclosure of this new
threat is not related to the upcoming election.

If you're going to trash a perfectly good newsgroup,
at least have fun doing it. Even Ghenghis Khan sang
"One potatoe, two potatoe..." as he cut off heads.
Life is too short to not fully enjoy your misdeeds.

-Norbert "NoBote" Poser, PhD, CAC, FDIC
-an Equal Opportunity Irreverent
-Member "Monty Python's Flying Circus" since 1968