On 10 Feb 2005 09:44:50 -0800, "basskisser" wrote:

JON CARROLL
Jon Carroll

Thursday, February 10, 2005


Printable Version
Email This Article

Jon Carroll
Jon Carroll's Fine Home Page and Archive

JON CARROLL
02/10/2005

JON CARROLL
02/09/2005

JON CARROLL
02/08/2005







Let us consider the Rapture Index. This is a real thing prepared by
serious people. If it makes you laugh, you have not gotten the memo.
You probably have not read any of the 12 volumes of the "Left Behind"
series, the best-selling books in America today.

Those Left Behind are those who did not experience the Rapture, which
is an instant in time when all the truly holy people are taken directly
to heaven, leaving their clothes in small neat piles behind them. The
rest of the ungodly losers are left to deal with natural disasters and
wars and the armies of the Antichrist, after which they die in various
colorful ways while the ranks of the saved watch with compassion
tempered with an understandable sense of satisfaction.

The Rapture Index, as of this writing, stands at 153. Anything over 145
is labeled by the Rapture Actuaries as "Fasten your seat belts." In
other words: Repent for the End Is Near. You may see all this for
yourself at www.raptureready.com/rap2.html, should you think I'm making
it up.

The Rapture Index is based on 45 prophetic categories, things like
drought, plague, floods, liberalism, beast government and mark of the
beast. "Beast government" is apparently the European Union; the news
that the EU is looking for a new president is seen as a sign that the
end time is drawing nearer. The latest "mark of the beast" is a plan by
the Antichrist that will result in said mark being implanted in the
right hand or forehead of unbelievers. The relatively high number of
this indicator is explained thusly: "Wal-Mart is falling behind in its
plan to bar code all products with radio tags." There are some parts of
this belief system I have not yet grasped.

The Rapture is a good thing, and therefore floods, famine, drought and
all that are also good things because they portend the coming of end
times. Even liberalism is a good thing, because there need to be a lot
of Christ- deniers for the end times to come. (Among the prophesied
Christ-deniers: the pope. That part is pretty much played down in the
pamphlets.)

The end times begin when Russia (also known as the ancient nation of
Gog) and Iran join forces to attack Israel. Before this can happen,
however, the old temple must be rebuilt. Peace between Israel and the
Palestinians is necessary for that to happen, so the Rapture Index sees
the peace talks as a good sign. Not as a good as the tsunami, but
definitely positive.

I am not the first one to notice this. The environmental Web site
www.grist.org has been covering it; Bill Moyers also wrote a column
about it (preserved by truthout at www.truthout.org/docs_
2005/013105F.shtml). Alas, the quote attributed to James Watt, the
secretary of the interior under Ronald Reagan ("after the last tree is
felled, Christ will come back"), is not verifiable, although it's been
reported many times. Probably the liberal media again, taking time out
from promoting the homosexual agenda.

So read the Rapture Index. Consider its implications: One of George
Bush's core constituencies is actively praying for environmental
degradation. Its members are in fact praying for the end of the world,
because the end of the world is the beginning of the fun part of
salvation.

Let's look at the new budget through this lens, which is (I emphasize)
neither fanciful nor satirical. Money for clean water: down. Money for
the cleanup of old nuclear sites, including the massive job at the
Hanford (Wash.) Nuclear Reservation: way down. Number of Forest Service
and Bureau of Land Management acres open for logging: up. Amount of
territory in Alaska declared OK for oil drilling: way up.

You might even consider the impact of the Rapture on deficit financing.
Who cares how much debt we accrue? Christ will come and forgive it all.
Why not borrow against the future to pay for the present? The future is
gonna be a whole different deal. We're just placeholders for God's own
totalitarian state.

For us secular humanists, us gay-marrying, porn-reading, prayer-mocking
harbingers of doom, all this seems incredible. We are still in the
reality- based paradigm; we have not yet crossed over into the
faith-based paradigm. In the faith-based world, the apparent
inconsistencies within the Bush administration fade into nothingness.

Millennial Christians have somehow convinced themselves that the
founding fathers would have approved of all this because they were all
old-time Christians following that old-time religion. Because Rapture
theology was mostly cobbled together in the 19th century based on very
selective readings from parts of the New Testament, it is unlikely that
the founding fathers believed anything of the sort. Not important: Once
again, I'm indulging in reality-based thinking.

Like the prophet said: Fasten your seat belts.

I thought you were a "Dick and Jane" fan.

John H

On the 'PocoLoco' out of Deale, MD,
on the beautiful Chesapeake Bay!

"Divide each difficulty into as many parts as is feasible and necessary to resolve it."
Rene Descartes

"John H" wrote in message
...
On 10 Feb 2005 09:44:50 -0800, "basskisser" wrote:

JON CARROLL
Jon Carroll

Thursday, February 10, 2005


Printable Version
Email This Article

Jon Carroll
Jon Carroll's Fine Home Page and Archive

JON CARROLL
02/10/2005

JON CARROLL
02/09/2005

JON CARROLL
02/08/2005







Let us consider the Rapture Index. This is a real thing prepared by
serious people. If it makes you laugh, you have not gotten the memo.
You probably have not read any of the 12 volumes of the "Left Behind"
series, the best-selling books in America today.

Those Left Behind are those who did not experience the Rapture, which
is an instant in time when all the truly holy people are taken directly
to heaven, leaving their clothes in small neat piles behind them. The
rest of the ungodly losers are left to deal with natural disasters and
wars and the armies of the Antichrist, after which they die in various
colorful ways while the ranks of the saved watch with compassion
tempered with an understandable sense of satisfaction.

The Rapture Index, as of this writing, stands at 153. Anything over 145
is labeled by the Rapture Actuaries as "Fasten your seat belts." In
other words: Repent for the End Is Near. You may see all this for
yourself at www.raptureready.com/rap2.html, should you think I'm making
it up.

The Rapture Index is based on 45 prophetic categories, things like
drought, plague, floods, liberalism, beast government and mark of the
beast. "Beast government" is apparently the European Union; the news
that the EU is looking for a new president is seen as a sign that the
end time is drawing nearer. The latest "mark of the beast" is a plan by
the Antichrist that will result in said mark being implanted in the
right hand or forehead of unbelievers. The relatively high number of
this indicator is explained thusly: "Wal-Mart is falling behind in its
plan to bar code all products with radio tags." There are some parts of
this belief system I have not yet grasped.

The Rapture is a good thing, and therefore floods, famine, drought and
all that are also good things because they portend the coming of end
times. Even liberalism is a good thing, because there need to be a lot
of Christ- deniers for the end times to come. (Among the prophesied
Christ-deniers: the pope. That part is pretty much played down in the
pamphlets.)

The end times begin when Russia (also known as the ancient nation of
Gog) and Iran join forces to attack Israel. Before this can happen,
however, the old temple must be rebuilt. Peace between Israel and the
Palestinians is necessary for that to happen, so the Rapture Index sees
the peace talks as a good sign. Not as a good as the tsunami, but
definitely positive.

I am not the first one to notice this. The environmental Web site
www.grist.org has been covering it; Bill Moyers also wrote a column
about it (preserved by truthout at www.truthout.org/docs_
2005/013105F.shtml). Alas, the quote attributed to James Watt, the
secretary of the interior under Ronald Reagan ("after the last tree is
felled, Christ will come back"), is not verifiable, although it's been
reported many times. Probably the liberal media again, taking time out
from promoting the homosexual agenda.

So read the Rapture Index. Consider its implications: One of George
Bush's core constituencies is actively praying for environmental
degradation. Its members are in fact praying for the end of the world,
because the end of the world is the beginning of the fun part of
salvation.

Let's look at the new budget through this lens, which is (I emphasize)
neither fanciful nor satirical. Money for clean water: down. Money for
the cleanup of old nuclear sites, including the massive job at the
Hanford (Wash.) Nuclear Reservation: way down. Number of Forest Service
and Bureau of Land Management acres open for logging: up. Amount of
territory in Alaska declared OK for oil drilling: way up.

You might even consider the impact of the Rapture on deficit financing.
Who cares how much debt we accrue? Christ will come and forgive it all.
Why not borrow against the future to pay for the present? The future is
gonna be a whole different deal. We're just placeholders for God's own
totalitarian state.

For us secular humanists, us gay-marrying, porn-reading, prayer-mocking
harbingers of doom, all this seems incredible. We are still in the
reality- based paradigm; we have not yet crossed over into the
faith-based paradigm. In the faith-based world, the apparent
inconsistencies within the Bush administration fade into nothingness.

Millennial Christians have somehow convinced themselves that the
founding fathers would have approved of all this because they were all
old-time Christians following that old-time religion. Because Rapture
theology was mostly cobbled together in the 19th century based on very
selective readings from parts of the New Testament, it is unlikely that
the founding fathers believed anything of the sort. Not important: Once
again, I'm indulging in reality-based thinking.

Like the prophet said: Fasten your seat belts.

I thought you were a "Dick and Jane" fan.

Asslicker has been hitting the cash crops again........but I wonder if has
quit beating his wife?


John H

On the 'PocoLoco' out of Deale, MD,
on the beautiful Chesapeake Bay!

"Divide each difficulty into as many parts as is feasible and necessary
to resolve it."
Rene Descartes

John H wrote:


I thought you were a "Dick and Jane" fan.

John H


If that is what you "thought", then you MUST be on the bottle again.
Please show where I've ever said I was a '"Dick and Jane" fan'.

basskisser wrote:
John H wrote:


I thought you were a "Dick and Jane" fan.

John H


If that is what you "thought", then you MUST be on the bottle again.
Please show where I've ever said I was a '"Dick and Jane" fan'.

Leaving aside, the Dick and Jane biz, and other distractions, and you
being the OP of this thread. I was wondering if this represented a
subject that is personally of interest to you? Or were you just wanting
to stimulate the group reflex response.

The Moyer article has some salient points and some real low points. The
basis of his presentation is a single statement attributed to Watt. Not
very good for a seasoned journalist, reminds me of Rather.

On the other, some of what he says about the Christians has stimulated
a lot of discussion, even among the boating groups. For some that
discussion is really stretching their mental capability, but the
exercise is good. A mind is a terrible thing to waste, or watch float
away after a capsize. TnT

Tinkerntom wrote:
basskisser wrote:
John H wrote:


I thought you were a "Dick and Jane" fan.

John H


If that is what you "thought", then you MUST be on the bottle
again.
Please show where I've ever said I was a '"Dick and Jane" fan'.

Leaving aside, the Dick and Jane biz, and other distractions, and you
being the OP of this thread. I was wondering if this represented a
subject that is personally of interest to you? Or were you just
wanting
to stimulate the group reflex response.

Yes, it is of personal interest to me. I've always wondered how
supposedly intelligent people could believe that Christian blather.

The Moyer article has some salient points and some real low points.
The
basis of his presentation is a single statement attributed to Watt.
Not
very good for a seasoned journalist, reminds me of Rather.

On the other, some of what he says about the Christians has
stimulated
a lot of discussion, even among the boating groups. For some that
discussion is really stretching their mental capability, but the
exercise is good. A mind is a terrible thing to waste, or watch float
away after a capsize. TnT

On 11 Feb 2005 09:59:39 -0800, "basskisser" wrote:


Tinkerntom wrote:
basskisser wrote:
John H wrote:


I thought you were a "Dick and Jane" fan.

John H


If that is what you "thought", then you MUST be on the bottle
again.
Please show where I've ever said I was a '"Dick and Jane" fan'.

Leaving aside, the Dick and Jane biz, and other distractions, and you
being the OP of this thread. I was wondering if this represented a
subject that is personally of interest to you? Or were you just
wanting
to stimulate the group reflex response.

Yes, it is of personal interest to me. I've always wondered how
supposedly intelligent people could believe that Christian blather.

This will make you feel better and more fulfilled:

A man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly,
the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping
at the crosswalk even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating
through the intersection. The tailgating woman hit the roof and the horn,
screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the
intersection with him.

While she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up
into the face of a very serious police officer The officer ordered her to exit
her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was
searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a cell. After a couple of
hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted
back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her
personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car
while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you, and
cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder,
the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School'
bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk.
Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car."

Now see, don't you feel righteous and verified and all that?


John H

On the 'PocoLoco' out of Deale, MD,
on the beautiful Chesapeake Bay!

"Divide each difficulty into as many parts as is feasible and necessary to resolve it."
Rene Descartes

On 11 Feb 2005 04:51:25 -0800, "basskisser" wrote:


John H wrote:


I thought you were a "Dick and Jane" fan.

John H


If that is what you "thought", then you MUST be on the bottle again.
Please show where I've ever said I was a '"Dick and Jane" fan'.

You said, "...I was a "Dick and Jane" fan'.

I didn't know what the apostrophe after the ...fan... was for. But, you said it!

John H

On the 'PocoLoco' out of Deale, MD,
on the beautiful Chesapeake Bay!

"Divide each difficulty into as many parts as is feasible and necessary to resolve it."
Rene Descartes

"John H" wrote in message
...
On 11 Feb 2005 04:51:25 -0800, "basskisser" wrote:


John H wrote:


I thought you were a "Dick and Jane" fan.

John H


If that is what you "thought", then you MUST be on the bottle again.
Please show where I've ever said I was a '"Dick and Jane" fan'.

You said, "...I was a "Dick and Jane" fan'.

I didn't know what the apostrophe after the ...fan... was for. But, you
said it!

Looks like asslicker has gotten into the cash crops again.


John H

On the 'PocoLoco' out of Deale, MD,
on the beautiful Chesapeake Bay!

"Divide each difficulty into as many parts as is feasible and necessary to
resolve it."
Rene Descartes

John H wrote:
On 11 Feb 2005 04:51:25 -0800, "basskisser"
wrote:


John H wrote:


I thought you were a "Dick and Jane" fan.

John H


If that is what you "thought", then you MUST be on the bottle again.
Please show where I've ever said I was a '"Dick and Jane" fan'.

You said, "...I was a "Dick and Jane" fan'.

I didn't know what the apostrophe after the ...fan... was for. But,
you said it!

John H

Are you drinking again? I NEVER said that. You are either dead wrong,
or a liar. Here is what I said, in response to JimH asking when I
started reading:
Jeez, I don't exactly know that, Jim. I think I began
reading short words, from the Dick and Jane books...
Now, WHERE did I say that I was a "Dick and Jane fan"????

On 11 Feb 2005 13:09:10 -0800, "basskisser" wrote:


John H wrote:
On 11 Feb 2005 04:51:25 -0800, "basskisser"
wrote:


John H wrote:


I thought you were a "Dick and Jane" fan.

John H


If that is what you "thought", then you MUST be on the bottle again.
Please show where I've ever said I was a '"Dick and Jane" fan'.

You said, "...I was a "Dick and Jane" fan'.

I didn't know what the apostrophe after the ...fan... was for. But,
you said it!

John H

Are you drinking again? I NEVER said that. You are either dead wrong,
or a liar. Here is what I said, in response to JimH asking when I
started reading:
Jeez, I don't exactly know that, Jim. I think I began
reading short words, from the Dick and Jane books...
Now, WHERE did I say that I was a "Dick and Jane fan"????

Read the posts.


John H

On the 'PocoLoco' out of Deale, MD,
on the beautiful Chesapeake Bay!

"Divide each difficulty into as many parts as is feasible and necessary to resolve it."
Rene Descartes