December 19, 2013
Scalia Calls “Duck Dynasty” Decision Unconstitutional

WASHINGTON - Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia lashed out at the
cable network A&E today, calling its decision to suspend Phil Robertson,
the star of the TV series “Duck Dynasty,” unconstitutional, and
demanding that it be overturned at once.

Speaking at a press conference with fellow Justice Clarence Thomas, a
visibly angry Scalia told reporters that Robertson was “exercising his
First Amendment right to express an opinion—an opinion, I might add,
that many other great Americans agree with.”

He warned that the suspension of the “Duck” star would have a “chilling
effect” on freedom of speech in America: “If Phil Robertson can be
muzzled for expressing this perfectly legitimate view, what’s to prevent
the same thing from happening to, say, a Justice of the Supreme Court?”

He added that, while he was a huge “Duck Dynasty” fan who never misses
an episode, his objection to Mr. Robertson’s suspension was “purely on
Constitutional grounds.”

Declaring that A&E’s decision “will not stand,” Justice Scalia said he
would ask the Supreme Court to meet in an emergency session to overturn
it: “This offensive decision by A&E is a clear violation of the
Constitution, and I’m not the only one on the Court who feels that way.
Right, Clarence?”

Justice Thomas had no comment.

From Andy Borowitz


(Note to Fretwell...Andy Borowitz is a fairly well known writer of
satirical material. Therefore, you can safely conclude this column of
his is...satire and that Associate Justice Scalia hasn't made the
remarks Andy attributed to him...yet.)


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Religion: together we can find the cure.