November 30, 2011

As Cain Drops Out, Pro-adultery Voters Shift to Gingrich
Biggest GOP Voting Bloc, Experts Say

CONCORD, NH (The Borowitz Report) – Herman Cain withdrew from the
Republican presidential race today, a move that resulted in millions of
pro-adultery voters shifting their support to former House Speaker Newt
Gingrich.

The shift in support is significant because pro-adultery voters
represent the single largest voting bloc in the Republican Party,
experts say.

Tracy Klugian, a prominent adulterer from Concord, New Hampshire, said
he was sorry to see Mr. Cain leave the race “because he was very
committed to the one issue I care about: namely, adultery.”

But he added that he had been in touch with many other adulterers in the
state and that they were all switching to Mr. Gingrich.

“Even when we were supporting Cain, a lot of us were supporting Gingrich
behind his back,” the adulterer said. “I guess that’s how we do.”
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