My fellow Americans: I come before you today to ask for all the money
in your wallet, your checking account and your 401(k). And do you have
one of those spare change jars on top of the dresser? I'd like that
too.

I am planning to spend $100 zillion to fight international terrorism
in Iraq -- and all this without raising taxes. I am therefore asking
Americans to make a sacrifice. I am asking them to support their aging
relatives, because I'm not going to have any money to fund Social
Security right now. Or Medicaid.

Why? Because fighting terrorism is job one.

I am not asking you to do anything I would not do. Already I am
sending money home to my mother and father every week. I am also
supporting an impoverished Chilean general in exile. It's the least I
can do.

Because many people do not have elderly relatives, I am today asking
for the creation of a new Department of Old People. All Americans will
be assigned their very own old person.

In addition, every American will get his or her own veteran. Veterans
benefits are so pathetic anyway we might as well just eliminate them.
Please remember the great sacrifice these men and women made for their
country. Do you have a spare room in your home? A veteran would like
to live there.

Will this be difficult for some? Of course it will. But I ask you to
remember three important things about freedom: Sept. 11, Sept. 11 and
Sept. 11.

The peace in Iraq is going just as we planned. The escalating violence
is exactly on schedule. Our friends in Syria and Iran have allowed
terrorists to flow freely into Iraq from their nations. Our friends in
Saudi Arabia continue to send them money. We knew what we were doing
all along, even if we didn't know exactly what we were doing.

I like to think of Iraq as a kind of flypaper. We lure all the
internationalist terrorists there, and then we kill them. I have not
revealed this plan before, because it would seem that I am using
American soldiers as bait.

I am therefore authorizing Secretary Powell, who I believe is still
the secretary of state although I have not checked recently, to ask
the United Nations for a multilateral force of peacekeepers who can be
used as bait. I dream of a world in which people of all nations, Poles
and Turks, Pakistanis and Canadians, can be slaughtered by
international terrorists in an oil-rich foreign country.

We have always supported the United Nations, even when we pretended to
disdain the United Nations in order to fool Saddam Hussein. Saddam
Hussein is on the run, cowering like some sniveling rat in a Iraqi
slum that we are about to locate. So our plan worked, and Kofi Annan
and I had a good laugh about that just last week.

We will not waver in our commitment to make a house-to-house search
for terrorists in a place 19 time zones away. Sure, there will be
casualties. I am authorizing all my commanders on the ground to say,
with me: Sept. 11, Sept. 11 and Sept. 11.

Our battle for freedom is already paying significant dividends.
Halliburton stock, for instance, is just skyrocketing. I urge you all
to invest your dividends because, believe you me, we're going to be
destroying infrastructure as fast as we can rebuild it. This
unprecedented breakthrough in supply-side economics will make America
even more prosperous.

Certainly, we have been through some tough times. And let me just say
in response to that: Bill Clinton, Bill Clinton and Bill Clinton. And
there will be tough times ahead. And let me say in response to that:
Sept. 11, Sept. 11 and Sept. 11.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I regret that I cannot tell you how I am going to spend your money.
Trust me.

Kiss my bass.

"basskisser" wrote in message
m...
My fellow Americans: I come before you today to ask for all the money
in your wallet, your checking account and your 401(k). And do you have
one of those spare change jars on top of the dresser? I'd like that
too.

I am planning to spend $100 zillion to fight international terrorism
in Iraq -- and all this without raising taxes. I am therefore asking
Americans to make a sacrifice. I am asking them to support their aging
relatives, because I'm not going to have any money to fund Social
Security right now. Or Medicaid.

Why? Because fighting terrorism is job one.

I am not asking you to do anything I would not do. Already I am
sending money home to my mother and father every week. I am also
supporting an impoverished Chilean general in exile. It's the least I
can do.

Because many people do not have elderly relatives, I am today asking
for the creation of a new Department of Old People. All Americans will
be assigned their very own old person.

In addition, every American will get his or her own veteran. Veterans
benefits are so pathetic anyway we might as well just eliminate them.
Please remember the great sacrifice these men and women made for their
country. Do you have a spare room in your home? A veteran would like
to live there.

Will this be difficult for some? Of course it will. But I ask you to
remember three important things about freedom: Sept. 11, Sept. 11 and
Sept. 11.

The peace in Iraq is going just as we planned. The escalating violence
is exactly on schedule. Our friends in Syria and Iran have allowed
terrorists to flow freely into Iraq from their nations. Our friends in
Saudi Arabia continue to send them money. We knew what we were doing
all along, even if we didn't know exactly what we were doing.

I like to think of Iraq as a kind of flypaper. We lure all the
internationalist terrorists there, and then we kill them. I have not
revealed this plan before, because it would seem that I am using
American soldiers as bait.

I am therefore authorizing Secretary Powell, who I believe is still
the secretary of state although I have not checked recently, to ask
the United Nations for a multilateral force of peacekeepers who can be
used as bait. I dream of a world in which people of all nations, Poles
and Turks, Pakistanis and Canadians, can be slaughtered by
international terrorists in an oil-rich foreign country.

We have always supported the United Nations, even when we pretended to
disdain the United Nations in order to fool Saddam Hussein. Saddam
Hussein is on the run, cowering like some sniveling rat in a Iraqi
slum that we are about to locate. So our plan worked, and Kofi Annan
and I had a good laugh about that just last week.

We will not waver in our commitment to make a house-to-house search
for terrorists in a place 19 time zones away. Sure, there will be
casualties. I am authorizing all my commanders on the ground to say,
with me: Sept. 11, Sept. 11 and Sept. 11.

Our battle for freedom is already paying significant dividends.
Halliburton stock, for instance, is just skyrocketing. I urge you all
to invest your dividends because, believe you me, we're going to be
destroying infrastructure as fast as we can rebuild it. This
unprecedented breakthrough in supply-side economics will make America
even more prosperous.

Certainly, we have been through some tough times. And let me just say
in response to that: Bill Clinton, Bill Clinton and Bill Clinton. And
there will be tough times ahead. And let me say in response to that:
Sept. 11, Sept. 11 and Sept. 11.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------
------
I regret that I cannot tell you how I am going to spend your money.
Trust me.