May 12, 2009

Miss USA Vows to Use Her Naked Breasts for Good
Fight Against Gay Marriage Will Be ‘Tireless, Topless'

Just moments after being told she could retain her beauty pageant crown,
Miss USA Carrie Prejean renewed her commitment to her mission, telling
reporters, "From this day forward I promise I will use my naked breasts
for good."

Ms. Prejean blasted the critics whom she claimed tried to silence her
for her views on gay marriage, saying, "I intend to fight back with the
two greatest weapons I have: my naked boobies."

The embattled pageant winner said she would be both "tireless and
topless" in her efforts to fight same-sex unions.

She added that she plans to tour the country to speak out against gay
marriage and hopes to draw attention to the issue by displaying her
naked torso wherever possible.

"I will go anywhere, anytime, anyway to make my case," she said. "These
breasts are made for walking."

Ms. Prejean refused to answer questions about another controversial
topic, enhanced interrogation techniques, but she did remark, "I have
always been in favor of enhancement."

Donald Trump, who owns the Miss USA pageant, praised Ms. Prejean for her
fearlessness in the face of harsh criticism, adding, "I like what I've
seen of Carrie and I hope to see much more of her."


Swiped from Andy Borowitz