May 11, 2009
Cheney to Travel Around Country in Sound Truck
Hopes to Bring Pro-Torture Message to Every State

In a sign that he has no intention of going away quietly, former Vice
President Dick Cheney embarked today on a nationwide road trip in a
sound truck equipped with a state-of-the-art bullhorn.

The formerly reclusive Mr. Cheney has been a ubiquitous fixture on
Sunday talk shows and right-wing radio programs in recent weeks, but his
decision to tour the nation in a 2000-watt sound truck shows a
heightened determination to spread his pro-torture message from coast to
coast.

According to aides to the former vice president, Mr. Cheney had briefly
considered starring in an IMAX film called "The Dick Cheney 3-D
Experience" before settling on the less costly sound truck idea.

But Mr. Cheney's "Pro-torture Tour '09" has not managed to skirt
controversy thus far, as the former Vice President has already had to
contend with grievances about the noise levels produced by his
high-wattage truck.

Residents of the town of Keene, New Hampshire were awakened at 5 AM this
morning by a familiar voice blaring, "We're less safe than we were under
the last administration. Run for your lives!"

As townsfolk rubbed their eyes, Mr. Cheney's voice could be heard
extolling waterboarding and other enhanced interrogation techniques.

For his part, a buoyant Mr. Cheney brushed off complaints from the New
Hampshire citizens that he had disturbed the peace with his
early-morning rant: "All this proves is that sleep deprivation works."



Swiped in its entirely from Andy Borowitz...