....from Kos:





BREAKING: Obama to nominate Jesus Christ to Supreme Court -- Republicans
Announce Filibuster
by WinSmith

Fri May 01, 2009 at 10:01:42 AM PDT

In a breaking story still emerging, President Barack Obama has announced
the nomination of Jesus Christ of Nazareth to fill the vacancy on the
Supreme Court to replace the retiring justice David Souter.

Republicans hastily called a press conference to announce outrage at the
selection, and an immediate filibuster.


Here was the initial story from the A.P.

Obama to nominate Jesus Christ to Replace Souter
Friday, May 1st, 1:22pm Ass-ociated Press

WASHINGTON -- In a hastily called West Wing press conference,
President Barack Obama announced that he would be nominating Jesus
Christ of Nazareth to replace the retiring David Souter on the Supreme
Court. "I'm confident that I'd found a candidate known for wisdom,
humility, affinity for all human beings, and a solid sense of justice,"
Obama said, with Jesus standing quietly next to him in meditative
repose. "I'm also confident that I've found a candidate all
congressmen, republicans and democrats, can agree would make a valuable
addition to the court" Obama continued, as Jesus blessed the wine.
Picking such a globally revered figure, and the founder of Christianity,
was a bold move by Obama that some experts said would force republicans
to offer their support. But by early afternoon, the republican response
had yet to take shape.

You'd think nominating the globally respected philosopher, religious
icon and founder of Christianity, Jesus Christ, would go over well with
republicans. You'd be wrong.

"This is yet another example of a liberal president nominating a
liberal, without any consultation with the republican party on his
selection." Newt Gingrich responded at a hastily called press conference
from the bedside of his cancer ridden dying wife, whom he's divorcing.
Convicted Felon Tom Delay agreed, continuing Gingrich's line of attack
in a solo appearance on Meet The Press. "The President assumes that just
because we invoke Jesus's name while justifying violent torture,
starting horrible wars and letting millions of children go without
health insurance, that we're an automatic vote for Jesus. Not this
time, Mr. President!" Delay snapped. David Gregory followed up with
questions about how his hair looked, then booked Delay for the next
seven consecutive Meet the Presses

By the early afternoon, republican opposition to the nomination had
begun to take shape, as Fox News unveiled a two hour special, Jesus
Christ: What you Didn't Know.:

"What do we really know about this 'Jesus of Nazareth,' if that is
his real name. Some say he spends time with prostitutes!" said Sean
Hannity in the opening intro, which featured ominous music over
still-frames of the young Jesus. "He's from the middle east. Could he
have associations with terrorism that we don't yet know about?"

Later, on The O'Reilly Factor, Bill O'Reilly continued the
argument. "I don't see how any patriotic American can support this
nomination. The guy was a carpenter, gimmie a break! Who are we gonna
nominate next? Harrison Ford? I call on all patriotic Americans to join
me in this war on Christ!"

Eric Cantor responded by press release:

"I speak for all Jewish republicans in congress, currently only me,
when I say that I am deeply troubled and concerned that Jesus Christ is
so obviously and clearly Christian. Even his last name suggests a bias
that our Supreme Court should not have. The republican party is not
simply a party of white Christians, even though the liberal media wants
you to believe that. There's also me. The white Jewish guy." Cantor's
statement read.

And four hours later, Cantor released a second press release:

I have just been informed that Jesus Christ is actually Jewish. But
I must remain opposed to this nomination. This is not because I'm a
partisan hack who reflexively votes against anything done by the
democrats, and then searches for a justification. It's because Jesus
Christ has murky middle eastern origins, palls around with prostitutes,
and may or may not have committed an act of terrorism at a Sunday pot
luck dinner being held inside a church."

Head of the RNC, Michael Steele, then chimed in:

"I'm cool with it, bros. Jesus is my homeboy."

And again, two hours later:

"I soundly reject the nomination of this so-called "community
organizer" to the Supreme Court, and never said otherwise. If you play
my quotes back to show I'm a hypocrite, it won't matter, since the few
remaining republican voters don't know how to use the internet."

By the evening, things had spun completely out of control, as Fox News
began to "report" on so-called "Crucifixion Parties," in which right
wing reactionary protesters marched with signs that read "Sit on my
court? I'll nail you to it!" and "Judge not, lest ye be lynched!"

In his forty-third appearance on cable news, Bill Kristol had the
following to say:

"People think the republican party doesn't want to work with
democrats on this nomination. We do. Believe me, the last thing we
want to do is filibuster. We just want a candidate who more reflects
the core values of the republican party. Like Idi Amin. Or Pol Pot."

CNN's Wolf Blitzer summed up the debate with the following report on The
Situation Room:

"The democrats argue they're nominating a figure that republicans
have long invoked as the core of their world view, and that therefore it
is ridiculous for republicans to filibuster. A republican press
release, just issued to CNN, responds by saying, and I'm quoting, 'OINKY
WINKY DINKY DOO!!' Is that gibberish or not? It's not for me to say.
My hair is silver."