wrote:
On Feb 12, 6:00 pm, Gogarty wrote:
Back when we were growing up in Marblehead, Mass., and sailing at young
ages, we thought the worst thing that could happen to a man would be to
marry a woman who did not like sailing. Theh we discovered sex. But now
after many years we have all gone back to the original opinion.

A little background:

Married 28 yrs, 3 kids, 21, 17 and 11. Been sailing for 20 yrs. She
is the touchy-feely type with degrees in education and counseling and
I am the analytic type MS Physics and MSEE so you can imagine how well
this works. She likes to sail for the aesthetics whereas I like to
sail for the problem solving aspects. She clearly cannot concentrate
on steering and will never understand how the sails work. She claims
that having something on shore to use as a mark helps her but I have
not noticed this and often we are simply too far out so it is either
steer by the compass or by feel of the tiller or watch the sails and
she can do none of these because she is tuned in to watching the
people aboard as you would expect. Unfortunately, she wants to steer
and always wants me to explain how to do things I have taught her
dozens of times in the past (knots, using the VHF, using the compass,
etc.). I lost patience with teaching her a long time ago.
My 21 yr old daughter is a biology major so is technical enough to
understand things and even my 11 yr old daughter grasps things so fast
it amazes me. Saturday she casually remarked we would need a course of
310 (our reciprocal) to get back to our channel.. I can count on them
when I need them whereas I cannot count on my wife to do what needs to
be done in a hurry. If I tell my 11 yr old daughter to hold the boat
into the wind while I drop the main she does it whereas my wife is
unable to do so. I don't know why.
Weirdly, my son is just like my wife and is incapable of doing even
the most basic things (would impale himself on a screwdriver) although
he is always Mr Popularity and he is an alien to me.
I do most of my sailing alone but I see other families sailing and
really want this to work for us. Unfortunately, I cannot count on my
wife and am actually much safer sailing alone or with the kids and
myself. Sailing with her is like sailing single handed but with one
arm tied behind me. I have tried getting her to sail small boats by
herself but she doesn't like them (surely a sign of something).
So, how do other sailors deal with sailing with an inept spouse when
it is clear that NOTHING will help the situation? Is this simply a
case of "Some people don't belong on boats"?


If she understood how she is putting others at risk (can you two
communicat?) and if she had other things to do (like socialize) why
would she insist upon taking the helm? Is she still putting everyone at
risk just sitting their enjoying the aesthetics? Why does she have to be
banned from the boat entirely?

Stephen

On Feb 12, 8:29 pm, Stephen Trapani wrote:
wrote:
On Feb 12, 6:00 pm, Gogarty wrote:
Back when we were growing up in Marblehead, Mass., and sailing at young
ages, we thought the worst thing that could happen to a man would be to
marry a woman who did not like sailing. Theh we discovered sex. But now
after many years we have all gone back to the original opinion.

A little background:

Married 28 yrs, 3 kids, 21, 17 and 11. Been sailing for 20 yrs. She
is the touchy-feely type with degrees in education and counseling and
I am the analytic type MS Physics and MSEE so you can imagine how well
this works. She likes to sail for the aesthetics whereas I like to
sail for the problem solving aspects. She clearly cannot concentrate
on steering and will never understand how the sails work. She claims
that having something on shore to use as a mark helps her but I have
not noticed this and often we are simply too far out so it is either
steer by the compass or by feel of the tiller or watch the sails and
she can do none of these because she is tuned in to watching the
people aboard as you would expect. Unfortunately, she wants to steer
and always wants me to explain how to do things I have taught her
dozens of times in the past (knots, using the VHF, using the compass,
etc.). I lost patience with teaching her a long time ago.
My 21 yr old daughter is a biology major so is technical enough to
understand things and even my 11 yr old daughter grasps things so fast
it amazes me. Saturday she casually remarked we would need a course of
310 (our reciprocal) to get back to our channel.. I can count on them
when I need them whereas I cannot count on my wife to do what needs to
be done in a hurry. If I tell my 11 yr old daughter to hold the boat
into the wind while I drop the main she does it whereas my wife is
unable to do so. I don't know why.
Weirdly, my son is just like my wife and is incapable of doing even
the most basic things (would impale himself on a screwdriver) although
he is always Mr Popularity and he is an alien to me.
I do most of my sailing alone but I see other families sailing and
really want this to work for us. Unfortunately, I cannot count on my
wife and am actually much safer sailing alone or with the kids and
myself. Sailing with her is like sailing single handed but with one
arm tied behind me. I have tried getting her to sail small boats by
herself but she doesn't like them (surely a sign of something).
So, how do other sailors deal with sailing with an inept spouse when
it is clear that NOTHING will help the situation? Is this simply a
case of "Some people don't belong on boats"?

If she understood how she is putting others at risk (can you two
communicat?) and if she had other things to do (like socialize) why
would she insist upon taking the helm? Is she still putting everyone at
risk just sitting their enjoying the aesthetics? Why does she have to be
banned from the boat entirely?

Stephen

OTOH, she has her good qualities. On Saturday, she looked at the
tattered 20 yr old Bimini and said "You really ought to buy a new
one". How can you be too angry with a wife who APPROVES of you
spending money on the boat? OTOH, she then said "Then we could have
more friends sail with us because it would be more comfortable".
That's all I need, more people aboard to interfere with sailing and to
distract her when she insists on steering.

wrote:

On Feb 12, 8:29 pm, Stephen Trapani wrote:

wrote:

On Feb 12, 6:00 pm, Gogarty wrote:

Back when we were growing up in Marblehead, Mass., and sailing at young
ages, we thought the worst thing that could happen to a man would be to
marry a woman who did not like sailing. Theh we discovered sex. But now
after many years we have all gone back to the original opinion.

A little background:

Married 28 yrs, 3 kids, 21, 17 and 11. Been sailing for 20 yrs. She
is the touchy-feely type with degrees in education and counseling and
I am the analytic type MS Physics and MSEE so you can imagine how well
this works. She likes to sail for the aesthetics whereas I like to
sail for the problem solving aspects. She clearly cannot concentrate
on steering and will never understand how the sails work. She claims
that having something on shore to use as a mark helps her but I have
not noticed this and often we are simply too far out so it is either
steer by the compass or by feel of the tiller or watch the sails and
she can do none of these because she is tuned in to watching the
people aboard as you would expect. Unfortunately, she wants to steer
and always wants me to explain how to do things I have taught her
dozens of times in the past (knots, using the VHF, using the compass,
etc.). I lost patience with teaching her a long time ago.
My 21 yr old daughter is a biology major so is technical enough to
understand things and even my 11 yr old daughter grasps things so fast
it amazes me. Saturday she casually remarked we would need a course of
310 (our reciprocal) to get back to our channel.. I can count on them
when I need them whereas I cannot count on my wife to do what needs to
be done in a hurry. If I tell my 11 yr old daughter to hold the boat
into the wind while I drop the main she does it whereas my wife is
unable to do so. I don't know why.
Weirdly, my son is just like my wife and is incapable of doing even
the most basic things (would impale himself on a screwdriver) although
he is always Mr Popularity and he is an alien to me.
I do most of my sailing alone but I see other families sailing and
really want this to work for us. Unfortunately, I cannot count on my
wife and am actually much safer sailing alone or with the kids and
myself. Sailing with her is like sailing single handed but with one
arm tied behind me. I have tried getting her to sail small boats by
herself but she doesn't like them (surely a sign of something).
So, how do other sailors deal with sailing with an inept spouse when
it is clear that NOTHING will help the situation? Is this simply a
case of "Some people don't belong on boats"?

If she understood how she is putting others at risk (can you two
communicat?) and if she had other things to do (like socialize) why
would she insist upon taking the helm? Is she still putting everyone at
risk just sitting their enjoying the aesthetics? Why does she have to be
banned from the boat entirely?

Stephen


OTOH, she has her good qualities. On Saturday, she looked at the
tattered 20 yr old Bimini and said "You really ought to buy a new
one". How can you be too angry with a wife who APPROVES of you
spending money on the boat? OTOH, she then said "Then we could have
more friends sail with us because it would be more comfortable".
That's all I need, more people aboard to interfere with sailing and to
distract her when she insists on steering.

I have a similar problem just canoeing with the GF. Finally solved by
telling her to "just sit there and look cute; *I'll* handle the boat".

DT