It sounds like your boat isn't well balanced under main alone, and as you
already indicated it would have been better to put up the right amount of
sail for the conditions (ie, reef).

To avoid the stall on the tack there are a few things you can do. First,
make sure you have plenty of speed going into the tack. Second, don't turn
too tightly as the rudder can act as a brake. Third, lean-in and heel the
boat to leeward to help the boat turn-up to the wind using body weight (then
you don't have to use as much rudder). If you had a jib up, you could allow
it to backwind briefly to help bring the bow down onto the new tack, and
also ease the main a few inches.

When jibing in heavy winds, I think there is a natural tendency for us all
to want to slow down a little first. That is exactly the wrong thing to do.
Make sure you are moving as fast as possible in strong winds when you jibe.
This way, the apparent wind speed is low (since you are heading downwind),
and the boom won't come across with as much force as it would if you were
going slow. You can center the main before the stern crosses the wind if
you like, in order to keep control. But you have to be ready to let it out
very quickly once you've jibed, and shift your weight to the new windward
side, to keep control.

Another option for jibing in strong winds is to s-jibe. Basically, just as
the boom starts to move across, head up slightly (on the original tack).
This will slow the boom, and once it has slowed you can head down again and
finish the jibe.

You mentioned hiking out as much as possible and pinching up into the wind a
little to dump power as needed. That's called "feathering", and is an okay
thing to do. I prefer not to do this when I sail Vanguard V-15s. I find it
more efficient to keep the jib tight, and then ease the main in the puffs,
hike out harder, then trim the main back in (ease, hike, trim). If you try
this, you might want to adjust your vang to hold sail shape and just use the
main sheet to adjust the angle of attack.

Also, make sure you adjust your rig properly for the wind conditions. As a
rule of thumb, the higher the wind speed the tighter the rig. When the boat
starts getting overpowered I usually pull on some additional downhaul as my
first adjustment. This moves the draft position forward, easing weather
helm. Additional outhaul will help flatten the foot of the sail.
Tightening the jib halyard will help rake the mast forward, also reducing
weather helm.

Okay, that's it. I'm playing hooky this afternoon and sailing a dinghy!