One does not learn how to walk without falling.
It sound like you are learning. At times you may have to accept to good and
bad moves and learned from them. A good mentor and sailing courses are
highly recommended.
You should call your local sailing association and make your intention
known. They in-turn will suggest different alternatives.
Sailing is not learned in the classroom or books. Its learned on the water.
One thing you should master well is to right your boat up once it capsized.
Learn about the weather forecast before going for a sail.
I do not know exactly what type of boat you have. Each design handles
differently.
As mentioned by others you have to empty your sails. That is like a door.
When the wind struck the door it opens and the wind goes through. On small
boats you have to move quickly to avoid getting hit by the boom. When the
wind gets strong, at times, I pinch the wind until I can adjust my sails
accordingly. That is I turn into the wind just enough not to get it right
on the nose, the boat almost comes to a stop and it gives time to adjust to
the situation. The other thing is that your boat has to be equipped with
good sheet stoppers. I prefer the quick release clutch type.
If it takes you to long to release a sheet, haylars or other ropes for
adjustment its going to take you much longer to adjust your sails and that's
no fun.
When you are out on the water make sure that people know you sail plan and
wear an approved floating jacket. Ideally someone should be on shore with a
crash boat monitoring your activities.

"Rich Hampel" wrote in message
...

Many small boats NEVER reef or need to.

In heavy wind, just flatten the sails by excess halyard and outhaul
tension to 'depower' the sails. If possible put an exagerated bend
(bowing in the middle towards the bow) in the mast, opening the 'slot'
between main and jib by moving the jib fairleads outboard and/or moving
the jib fairleads aft will also help to depower. The technique using
very flat sails is called 'blading' and is very effective for control.
Pulling the daggerboard or centerboard up a bit will give less 'bite'
when broadsided by gusts.... but be prepared slip sideways a bit.

Not using the jib probably caused the boat to gain weather helm and the
steering can get 'cranky'.
On a small boat that normally uses a jib+ mainsail and you are only
using the main, sometimes you can 're-balance' the helm by simply
sitting as far forward as you can .... this will artifically rake the
mast forward and tend reestablish the correct center of effort. Also,
increasing the halyard tension will move the position of maximum draft
forward and will help 'rebalance' the center of effort.

If your jib has some overlap (trailing edge ends 'behind' the mast,
many times just sailing on the jib alone will be suitable .... but you
have to experiment in moderate conditions first to see if thats
suitable/possible. With just the (overlaping) jib flying, you wont be
able to 'point' as well as with both raised, but you will have decent
control in the higher wind ranges.

With any boat, the higher the wind speed the greater the need to
'force' the boat through a tack .... the increased wind pressure is
stopping you. Bear off a bit before tacking to get maximum speed,
look for a 'flat spot' in the waves and 'power through' the tack.
Practice will enable you to do this without losing much needed
speed/momentum. Do a websearch for 'roll-tacking' for additioinal
info/help.

Jibing when overpowered isnt safe. Pull the board up a bit (or up
enough to 'just' maintain control), pull the main to the centerline,
THEN slowly gybe until the mainsail gets 'winded' from the other side,
then slowly release the mainsheet and drop the board back to normal.
Allowing the boom to swing violently from one side to the other when
jibing is a called a 'slam dunk' jibe ... and you can guess the reason
for that name. If gybing with board almost all the way up and you
begin to lose control, dont attempt to bring the bow 'towards' the wind
(or you'll wind up upside down) but do just the opposite and bear off -
... and hold onto your hat when the boat speed drastically increases -
speed will increase 'stability' in a lightweight boat.
With the board all the way down during a jibe, you get a LOT of 'bite'
from it and if the gybe isnt perfect the boat will potentially greatly
heel (to windward OR leeward ... called a broach). Reduction in the
exposed area of the board will allow the boat to 'slip' a bit and not
lose control by excess heel if something goes wrong.

There's a lot more to it; but, this should get you started ... and
thinking. If you are asking questions like these .... then you will
arrive at where you want to be with good sailing technique soon!
Sailing is learned by doing .... asking questions .... and getting back
out there and doing it again and again and again. If you have your
eyes/mind open, your boat will 'teach' you.

hope this helps

;-)