**Naturalist!**

Lives in an apartment in NY City!

Only spent 4 nights ever in the wilderness!

**Sailor!**

Never has been out of sight of land!

Never been at sea for more than 3 nights!!

**Car Enthusiast!**

Drives a mini-van!

Mini-van!!!!!

**Dedicated Husband!**

Yet posts pictures of him with arms around other women!

Brags about Ghost Girls!

Brags about sexual exploits with Soviet women!

**Loving Father!**

Kid without life jacket!

Kid playing in the high voltage end of a big screen tv!

**Yacht Expert!**

No marine surveyor license!

Sells scrap fiberglass boats!

Hits charted rocks!

Gets lost in a harbor!

**Astronomer!!**

Operates in NYC light pollution and haze!

Gets lost at sea on clear nights!

Cheap optics!

**Photographer!**

The camera is only limited by his ability!

Poor subject matter!

Limited, cloistered subject matter!

**Man of His Own Time!**

Never travels for more than 2 days!

Never goes anywhere dangerous or adventerous!

Never more than 10 feet from the diaper pail!

**Super Sportsmen!**

Afraid of guns!

Afraid of bears!!

Afraid of sharks!!!

Afraid of scary movies!!!!

Bwahahahahahahahahahahaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!