To be fair I'll give the distaff side first. Then the other side...which
contains the 'booby' trap.

To help yall understand why guys do what we do.

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they constantly being convinced they are plugged into a genius)
2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)
3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)
4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butts and they vapor lock)
5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)
6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)
And my personal favorite:
8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)



Ladies if you Please...
These are our rules:
1) Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you
leaving it down.
2) Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can
find the perfect present yet again!
3) Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
4) Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be
5) Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short
hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women
always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
6) Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that
way.
7) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.
8) Crying is blackmail.
9) Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
10)Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be
any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your
dress?
11) Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
12) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
13) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor
14) Check your oil ! Please.
15) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void after 7 days.
16) If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
act like soap opera guys.
17) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to
answer and if we do, we're lying.
17a) Worrying about being overweight while sucking down a case of beer every
night doesn't get you in last month's jeans.
17b). Coors Light.....ain't.
18) If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or
angry, we meant the other one.
19) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
20) Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
21) The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months
we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
22) ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,for
example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea
what mauve is.
23) If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
24) We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading
ability is not proof of how little we care about you. 25) If we ask what is
wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you
are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
26) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.
27) You have enough clothes.
28) You have too many shoes.
29) BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
30) Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.